How can my ex be over me so fast? He seems so happy and it's only been one week of NC?

So we dated for 2.5 years and had an amazing relationship. We were each others first loves. A few months back I broke it off because I thought I needed to be alone to work on myself. I broke his heart. Well a few weeks later I regretted my decision and decided to give it another go with him. We acted like a couple again for about a month until he left for this music program over the summer. Before he left he told me I should take all summer to decide if I want to be in a relationship again and to make myself happy so we could be happy together. We had been chatting back and forth while he was gone but he was keeping his distance. When I came and visited him for a show he seemed very distant as well but claimed it was because he was too busy, which he really is, but it seemed like an excuse. Then when I came back and hadn't heard from him I confronted him. He told me he was too busy to "invest" and he wasn't sure what he wanted - if he wanted to be single or in a relationship. He said he didn't want to have to worry about my feelings and me being sad while he's gone for the summer. After leaving him a voice mail begging for him back, he replied with a text that said "I just don't know." After that I never replied and it's only been a week of no contact. Since then he has been posting so much on Facebook about how great his summer is and how much he loves this music program. From all of his posts it makes it seem like he's having the summer of his life. I just don't get how he could be over me so fast. Did he forget I even exist? I know he loves this music program but it feels like he's putting it in my face that he's so much better without me. Is this relationship doomed? I've been trying to move on but its hard when I keep getting reminded he his having so much fun without me:(


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Most Helpful Girl

  • As you explain it, it seems like you were in what was a happy relationship and he was happy to be a part of it until you broke it off. Imagine if you were on his end, and something you thought was just fine and wonderful was broken off, no matter the circumstances. It's going to hurt and its going to make, in this case, him, think about a lot of things and re-evaluate his situation with you and hate to say it, but things really are never going to be the same because somewhere in the back of his mind, he's thinking, I made her so happy and my best, wasn't good enough.

    For you, absolutely, if you needed to work on yourself, you needed to work on yourself. Sometimes one has to step away in order to get to be the best person they can be whether or not you had regrets on that, or not, but it sounds like on his end, he might have decided the same thing. Without you to fill his free time and a new focus on something he also loved, his music, he was able to probably feel energized again, to stop thinking about you and the relationship so much, meet new friends, etc., etc. He may have started to realize that he didn't need you so much as hard as that may be to think about. Following your dreams and your passions can be intense, especially when they are being fulfilled and rather than focus on what for him may have been an intensely bad feeling from the break-up, he found re-newed energy and joy in his music.

    So now where does that leave you? Unfortunately for you, you made your bed and you must now lay in it. You broke up with him, so you can't then get mad or upset at him for what has transpired especially if you said he was basically the love of your life. It sounds like you may be a bit jealous of the fact that he is happy now instead of curled up in a ball somewhere crying and depressed that you aren't there or yearning for you to be back in his life. You may have underestimated the hurt you caused him and now fresh from the relationship, he may be seeing that things for him at least, can be good without you. Keep hope alive, there is always hope, but don't hold your breath that he will come back.

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What Guys Said 3

  • That's tough, coming from such a long term relationship. I've been in that position, once. Similar situation, and I was devastated (we had 3 years in). I put it behind me as fast as I could and felt better pretty quickly. She came back, maybe 2 months later, looking to reconcile. But by then, I'd moved on. I wasn't the same person, and someone who destroyed my trust wanted another shot at it? Sorry, no can do. I'm sorry to be so blunt about this, but that's how I felt at the time.

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  • Some people get over someone more easily than others

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  • He had all that time away from you to realize he didn't love you anymore, mainly because you were playing this "work on yourself / need to think" bullshit women always do. It starts to make a guy resent you and now he see's how much better he is without you, the games, the bullshit. He now see's that having you in his life will more than likely cause him more bad than good. He is focusing on his wants now, not yours.
    It may suck to hear but chances are he IS happier without you. Women often will get with a guy and slowly strangle the life out of him. Nagging, playing mind games, "testing" him, whining, etc. The saying goes... "no matter how hot she is, some guy is tired of putting up with her shit."

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What Girls Said 4

  • He is young, enjoying new experiences. He prob is having fun which everyone should. You initiated the cycle of breaking up so you have to deal with it unfortunately. It may not be that he is completely over you, but i am sure when you broke his heart he formed a guard against you in fear of being hurt again and maybe he justs want to be free. When a guy tells you they dont know if they want to be single or in a relationship, 99 percent of time that means they have been talking to new girls and they dont know if they want to go back to not being able to do that anymore as he might like it. sorry this is a bit harsh of an answer. the relationship may not be doomed though, sometimes people need time to grow and experience new things. it might be the best thing that ever happened to both of you.

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  • I have some thoughts, but I have a quick question - you wrote that you broke off an amazing, long-term relationship because you thought you needed to be alone to "work on myself". What is it you need to work on?

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    • I'm just really insecure and I thought being in a relationship wasn't helping. I couldn't understand how he could love me so much when I loathed myself

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    • He had his heart broken, and at this point, due to your insecurities and him being away (he probably thinks she'll be all insecure and up my butt the entire time b/c of HER issue) he just wants to not have to deal with it. That's the risk one takes when they break up with someone. If you really love him, you should be glad that he's happy and not trying to make out him sharing his happiness with his friends on FB is somehow designed to make YOU unhappy. You're being insecure about how he's having fun without you. What did you want? For him to be sitting around, miserable and pining away for you? I hope you really do seek out that counseling, it can be very helpful. Take care, wish you all the best!

    • Thank you for your reply. <3

  • but you started first
    you showed him that you can be good without him so he got the idea, now he is doing alright

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  • I think you should be prepared to move on. He is not straightforward about what he wants with you. Just don't think about him much. About his posts on fb, u can unfollow him so u won't see any post from him.

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