Why don't I leave her?

I've been toying with splitting with my partner of 14 years as she is driving me crazy (and not in a good way).

She has always driven me crazy. She is moody, negative, nihilistic and she seems to only get pleasure from lying in bed all day shopping online for stuff she never uses and which only gets us deeper and deeper into debt.

I'm now trying to pick up extra work as well as doing two part time jobs to try to get us out of debt but I can't talk about any of it as she just starts to freak out and worry and criticise me for not making more money, or if I experience any difficulties or setbacks or minor glitches. She doesn't seem to see or appreciate the extra money that I am bringing in to fix the problem she created, or the fact that she herself doesn't bring anything else in financially to help.

Regardless of any extra money I bring in anyway we can't afford to do anything, even if I could find the free time. I find that I somehow need to find the drive and the focus to keep going even when she is whining about how bad our lives are and how it's all a waste of time, etc. etc. etc.

Of course there are good times now and again but not enough to justify all of the pain. But no matter what there is a part of me determined to stick at it and for the life of me I can't think why.

If you were in this situation which of the reasons in the poll would make you stay in this relationship. I think all of them apply to me in some way and some more than others. I'm trying to get my head around why I am still with her and I wonder what it is that makes me stay. Right now I really don't know but I'm not sure I can go on like this either.
  • I'd feel bad walking out on someone who had been such a big part of my life for so long.
    Vote A
  • I'd worry about how she'd get by without me. She clearly suffers from depression.
    Vote B
  • I'm scared of change.
    Vote C
  • I'm lazy.
    Vote D
  • I've become so negative I can see nothing beyond this relationship.
    Vote E
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Thanks for your input folks. Update is that she is now seeking help for depression. On medication and considering counselling.


Most Helpful Girl

  • As wise as I am, your life is just ticking and ticking by here, dear, with someone who you have Enabled to get away with all of this redrick. You never put your foot down, never kicked her lazy butt into high gear here, dear with Even... Financially to help.
    You have lived with someone who has been using and abusing you as a life line, a life support. Yet you still stay. You have gotten to the point where you may be Comfy with her because you have known her Forever but Not Comfortable anymore as two birds of a feather and now... Wondering if you want to stick together.
    Might I suggest First to take a break from one another. One of you should leave and take the time to sort things out. As long as things go on like this, it is just continuing down a beaten path and will end up a War of the Roses.
    If you feel you just want to give Lazy bones her walking papers, tell her to pack up, move in with a friend or a family member and end the madness.
    Don't look back, don't feel guilty if you do decide to take the bull by the horns. With you working two jobs and her just whining and dining it away, you have the... Last say.
    She has mental issues and Queen bee Drama Queen ways that will probably never change. If this goes on any further, for you see now where you are with her financially, the rest of the future will just continue to break you even more and with This... Your heart.
    Good luck. xx


Most Helpful Guy

  • None of the above, yeah it'll suck at first but in times like these you have to leave it up to her family and friends to look after her and be selfish and do what's best for you, if you really feel as you've described. Leave, it truly will get better. My relationship of 5 years (doesn't hold a candle to yours.) However, it really did suck to begin with, but life moves on and so do you.


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What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion!

What Guys Said 2

  • I can understand how difficult it is for you to live with a person who doesn't appreciate your efforts and always whines about things. She seems like a drama queen kind of a girl ( a little bit).

  • None of those answers would affect me, so I don't know what to vote with.


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