Returning my ex girlfriend's stuff. What should I do? How should I act?

After about 2 months of no contact, I finally felt it was time to contact my ex girlfriend and tell her to pick up the stuff she left at my house. She dumped me, I felt blindsided and really cared about her a lot. She admitted that she blindsided me and that I did nothing wrong and that I was a great boyfriend. The break up was devastating to me, and I miss her very much. I also feel angry, and confused, as I kind of think she is seeing someone new (I think she moved on very quickly after dumping me), and that some of the reasons she gave me about our break up seem like lies. Given that she had some bad relationships in the past, I went through the relationship at her pace and tried to be respectful of her feelings and needs. She seemed to ramp up the commitment, only to suddenly run one day. I reciprocated the commitment and always put her needs before my own, and did everything I could to be a good boyfriend.

When she dumped me, she kissed me a few times, asked me to tell her when I got home safely and told me that it was going to be hard not to call me. She kissed me a few time when we spoke a month later after the 1st no contact. I can't help but think she did those things to keep me attracted to her and as an option, should she choose to come back. I never played games with her and feel like she disrespected me and my feelings. She broke her promise to me by doing things she said she would never do.

Should I tell her how I feel when she comes to my house next week? Should I explain how I feel like she led me on, how she hurt me, and ask why she did it? Or, should I just act like nothing bothers me and quickly give her back her stuff and say bye?

She also decorated my living room, should I take down all of the things she put in the room? They just remind me of her, and I want to make an impact when she shows up.

i am not sure why I still care about someone who would hurt me so badly.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Whatever you do, do it for you, not for her. Remove the art if it bothers YOU - not to make an impression on her. Share you feelings if it will lift weight off your shoulders and give YOU closure - not to guilt trip her.

    Also, the kissing and affection should probably be treated with caution. I've had exes do so either out of habit or to enjoy little perks without the hassle or commitment. Or to lessen their guilty conscience by throwing me a bone? So please don't be hard on yourself about lingering feelings - we all have that one person (or many!) who gave 50% to our 100%.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Tell her how you feel. You never know... maybe she misses you also

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    • I'm not sure if she misses me. I'm pretty sure she likely dating someone else by now. It's more difficult because I was always good for her and tried my best to always be there for her. I sometimes wonder that me being good to her and not playing games made her get bored. Based on her past, she always went for unavailable guys who treated her badly. I think it's kind of childish, if you were going to date a guy, wouldn't you want someone who actually cared about you and was both open and honest? You wouldn't want a guy who ignores you, uses you and doesn't make you a priority. I know some people like to chase, but we are adults, you should want a partner who wild do anything they can to make you happy.

  • Why is she coming over if you have broken up and she's messing you about? I think if you really want to get over her you are going to have to cut all ties, at least for a while. I'm not saying you can't ever be friends but sounds like there's too many feelings at the moment.
    I would take down the things that remind you of her, it will only make it harder to get over her. In time it will get easier bit for now sounds a bit raw.

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    • She is coming over to pick up her belongings. It's been a few months since we broke up. I wanted to give her back her stuff and not be the jerk who throws it in the trash. I wasn't going to mail it to her because she owes me money, and because she dumped me, so if she wanted her stuff, she would have to make the effort to come and get it. She and I will never be friends, it will be too hard. And part of trying to getting over her is to get rid of her belongings. She is hard to read. When I asked her to get her stuff, she took 24 hrs to respond to my text. Her reason for not coming earlier despite promising was 1) she said she was giving me time/space to heal (which I said it only delays more pain) 2) she then claimed that she forgot that she left her stuff here. These seem like contradicting reasons, and I know she didn't forget since she told me she was going to pick it up in the past but never came.

    • Ah i see. That is a good thing for you to do! You are right you can't be giving someone space and then forget at the same time. She probably just didn't know what to do.
      I think this could be your chance to really move on. Get rid of her stuff and part ways. I would say leave it at that. If she wants to be friends tell her it's too hard and if she messages you, just ignore her.

  • I would rearrange your living room, for sure. Also, remember to protect yourself during this conversation. You can't seem too available, otherwise she knows you're there for an option if she wants you. I totally disagree with her kissing you, because she is definitely leading you on and that is just disrespectful to you... Just make it a short visit.

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  • This made me cry a little :'( well for sure tell her all of your feelings cuz its not fair for you to not get a reason from her why she is leaving, that feels so heartless on her part. Good luck man

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  • this can possibly be your one chance to finally get closure and move on with your life in a positive way. approach the situation with a clear head and good intentions, after all you both loved eachother at some point and there's no point pretending like you didn't. just make it a positive experience, dont end up resenting eachother because it will only make the process of moving on harder. talk it out like adults in a mature and civil way, and part ways respectfully :)

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    • I'm trying my best to move on. It's hard not to resent someone who you cared about so much, only to have them crush you, basically tell you that despite all of the geat things you did for them, they are leaving. Why tell me that I'm a great guy and how lucky she was to have me, then break up with me? It seems odd to just suddenly leave me. And if she was planning to leave for some time, then why did she still sleep with me, why come over all of the time, and why ask me to do favors for her? It makes me feel like she was just using me until she found a guy who she either thought was better, or one that she had to chase. It's useless to try to compliment someone you are dumping, since it will never lessen the pain, it only creates more questions and more harm for the person being dumped.

    • think of it from her perspective, maybe she was trying to hold onto something, to prove to herself that maybe there was a chance her feelings might change. in a way she only did those things as a way of convincing herself to stay. dont take it personally, at the end of the day girls can be very confusing (i was guilty of this myself) and we dont even know what we want, so we do weird things to try and figure it out. I know it feels horrible, I've been there. so be angry, let your rage out. but do not direct it at her, it will only make this hole deeper. you need to forgive her and yourself and dreading her existance only slows this down. so pretend everything is fine, get your closure, establish a civil relationship with her. it will help you heal. i promise :)

    • Thanks, it's very difficult to deal with this. She definitely messed with my head. She introduced me to her parents about 2 weeks before she dumped me. It was her choice to do that, I never pushed her to do anything she wasn't comfortable with. I also tried to help her with something she said she needed me to do for her. In the end, this favor wound up damaging something I owned and injuring my back. I never blamed her for what happened, or cared about the money it cost me. This also happened about 2 weeks before she dumped me. It's hard not to be angry with someone who leaves you after making you feel like your relationship took a serious step (I. e. Meeting her mom), and something that cost me thousands of dollars. I'm also kind of angry because I'm not sure how truthful she is being with me between leading me on and some of her contradicting statements.

What Guys Said 4

  • Man I'm going through the exact same thing. It's been a couple month since me and my ex broke up, and she started going out with guys a month after we broke up. It sucked, I didn't know what to do. And I would still talk to her after that. Till one day I had enough I guess and I blew up and one night I just went to her house and it didn't end very good. Since then we haven't talked, it's been 15 days since. And I've been wanting to talk to her so bad but I know I shouldn't. If she doesn't try why should I you know? But I just put her stuff in a box and put it in the closet. She didn't want it and I couldn't throw them away. I wish I knew how to start moving on or something and I can't. Good luck to you man, hope everything goes as planned.

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  • Just ship it back to her place or something.

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  • No! Forget her entirely. Have some sand, boy!

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  • Leave it in a box outside, mail it to her, just whatever you do, don't interact with her. She's dead to you.

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