Why do guys break up before deployment?

I posted this as an opinion for somebody else with a similar situation to me... But want to know also!

I dated a guy that was in the army and things were going great. We were IN LOVE! I went to Georgia for a month to spend time with him because he got a notice that he would be deploying this summer. When I came home, he called me and said he couldn't be my significant other anymore because he had to figure his life out. I was so confused because HE always talked about marriage with me, kids, basically our future together. He kept in touch with me everyday, calling me to make sure I was doing good, we would facetime sometimes and still had our good laughs together. He came back home two weeks before deployment and was home for the weekend to spend time with his family. I was at his parents house with him and everything between us was the same. We hung out as if we were dating.. The first night we were laying down talking and he began kissing me on my forward.. I was so confused! I was not about it at all because he broke my heart by breaking up with me. I went along with it because I am still in love with him... He is a very romantic guy and always treated me with pride. The last night he was home, his parents had their family and i over for a bbq. He was a little distant with me most of the time. It was such an odd vibe.
When he got back to NC, I asked him about him and I again and he said he could not love me again or promise me that him and I would ever be together in the future. Long story short is that he said he needed to be invested with himself before he could ever be with me again or somebody else? Like what.. I asked him why he didn't love me anymore and he said he didn't know and that he was just numb. I'm so torn. The week before he left, he was so rude! He apologized for being an Ahole the day before he left. His deployment is 3 months.. Should I send him letters and care package or would that be too much given what happened?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Just speaking as an old guy who has been there - my guess is that he knows there is a chance he won't be coming back - and does not want to put you through that. You mentioned NC so 82nd or SF, both know they are going in with a good chance of not coming back. IMHO he is probably acting like this to - 1. Give you a chance to move on in the event he does not come back and - 2. Focus himself on what he has to do without having to think about what he had and misses (you). Best to you.

    • Yeah 82nd airborne! Thanks!

    • So like I said - there is an expectation of not coming back. You have to do what you think is best for you. He might not come back, there is a pretty good chance he will; and there is a better chance that when he does come back he will not be the same as he was when he left. Sorry and I'm not trying to be a downer - but you asked the question so I'm trying to give you an honest answer. If you really love him - hold on to that.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Hey i was actually the one who got dumped after possibly finding the perfect someone i was searching for years.

    As soon as they told us we had to go back on July she just called it off like that. Never had that kind of experience before and let me tell you it felt like i got chest slapped with a claymore

  • I'd go ahead and send him things. Some breakup because they don't want their so to worry and that type thing

  • they don't want to be thinking about you running around on them while they're overseas. Most women do it. Don't take it personally.


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