My boyfriends female best friend of 22 years is an issue in our relationship... should she stay or should she go?

My man and I have been together for a year and a half now and in the beginning during our arguments he would tell her everything which bothered me. We posted a picture on FB and she made a stupid comment, we announced our engagement and she made a stupid comment. She used to text him like all the time and if he didn't answer quick enough she would talk crap, she even thought that sending selfies of her getting ready to go out was cool (at 3am) I finally made him stop talking to her because when I told him it was an issue he always defended her. Am I wrong? I am ready to cut ties with this man because it seems that he would rather get his friendship back with her then save our relationship.

  • Yes, the friendship should stay terminated
    Vote A
  • No, I should just deal with her being in his life
    Vote B
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149

Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not fair to tell him he can't be friends with her. But her behavior is totally inappropriate and you boyfriend needs to understand that.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • Sorry to disagree with most of the crowd but this is a touchy one. All anyone here can do is give an opinion so here is mine. She is in love with him. He considers her his best friend. If he considered her more than that, given everything you have said, they would be together and you would be nowhere in the picture. Honestly at this point, I would say you have 2 options. You can force him to make a choice, which IMHO the only person who will end up happy in that scenario will be Her... Or, you can see where this goes between you and him (with you going out of your way to accept her), and if you 2 are truly in love and meant for each other - I suspect that in time you will be his new best friend (among other things:). You ultimately have to decide what he means to you, how much interference you can withstand from others, and what your end goal is in this relationship. Wish you the best.

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  • Find a middle ground.
    She is imposing into your lives far too much, especially if she is doing nonsense like texting at 3am and demanding an answer.
    However if you start vetoing his friends it's going to screw with your relationship. He's going to resent it, especially if he has known her so much longer than you.

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  • Personally, I agree with you. If he has a girlfriend why would he be spending time with another woman? It will put a strain on your relationship, he needs more guy friends.

    Same goes for you though, can't be hanging out with other men if you are seeing someone.

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  • There's no need for her to be such an imposing fixture in your lives. He should definitely move past their friendship if he really cares about you.

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    • she is definitely imposing..

    • Thanks for the comment... I thought I may be going crazy.

  • Sounds to me like he needs to get rid of you.

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  • Dump him. You don't need to go through this.
    And I know what I'm talking about I lived it...

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  • you gotta deal with it!

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  • 22 years vs just one. He knows her a whole lot better then he knows you. You're the newcomer not her. If my girlfriend tries to make me part from my bestfriend we'd have a bit of a problem

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What Girls Said 14

  • I feel you are doing the right thing with this nosy body female Buddy of His and it has been Way overdue here, dear... You should have set ground rules down a long time ago about the Fifth wheel Fatal fatale.
    However, it seems that with you Now finding out that he wants his cake and eat it Two by perhaps Bringing 'His friendship back with her,' I would have to agree with you again that You should this Time... Cut ties with this man.
    This is a hindrance in your relationship and strife in your own life that will Never change. He has Love for this girl of '22 years' and probably has been using and abusing every girl he gets wound up in hopes she will see the light one day and hook on to his caboose.
    You are actually the Fifth wheel raw deal here, dear, and it will Never end. It will continuously go down a bad boy beaten path where it is War of the Roses. This is What I refer to as a "Triangle Threesome," where you are way at the tip, looking down, side to side, at the both of them and you have this sour ball and all.
    Have one more little heart to heart with him and tell him Again Where your heart Is.. Then Ask him where the hell his is, because it seems that he is putting you on his back burner so he can keep his own hands in her pot a lot and I do not mean sexually neither.
    She doesn't want him with anyone but Yet... She doesn't Want him in another way, you could say.
    Good luck. xx

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  • A lot of guys are secretly in love with their girl best friend... I didn't think "best guy & girl friends" crossed boundaries because I was na├»ve.. but I had a best guy friend once who I thought was great and apparently he was into me and felt strongly for me and when he told me he put me in a very awkward position.. I had a hard time letting him down easy he took it hard and even stopped talking to me for some time. It sucked too because I had this great guy at the time and they knew each other so I know that must have been hard for him to deal with.. Usually in those cases the best friends end up together or dating so I would be cautious. No guy and girl can be that close without one person or both developing some kind of attraction or feelings. Even if it's one-sided... He may not like her but it's likely she has a thing for him and you don't want to live with that.

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  • Usually I would say that he has the right to be friends with anyone, but that chick is crazy af, I think you should cut all ties.

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  • Just deal with it. I wouldn't set up a situation that pits him against a long term friend unless you see that there is a romantic interest between the two of them.

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  • This is a tough one. by the way I totally understand where you are coming from. Did you ask him to talk to her and tell her she needs to be more respectful of your and his relationship before you made him stop talking to her? I think there should be a way to compromise here. He should be able to stay friends with her, but only if she treats your relationship with the respect it deserves. If he's not willing to put her in check when she breaks that respect then maybe you should move on.

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  • personally i wouldn't be okay if there's always someone trying to get in between

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  • Don't listen to the people telling you to deal with it. Some people put up with things that are just down right stressful when they don't have too. I wouldn't let a girl disrespect me for no man. He can take him and his friend. No one has time for all of that.

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  • Made a stupid comment? What exactly did she say?

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  • Dump him, he is putting her feeling before yours. You are second best.

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  • Yes get her out of there or leave him!! You don't deserve to deal with that.

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  • Its clear she has a much more imp place in his life than urs

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  • Yes maybe she is putting a strain on your relationship, but having a friendship for 22 years isn't something you can easily make someone dispose of. Your best bet is to talk to him and establish boundaries between what is acceptable and what isn't in your relationship. Making him cut all ties with her will just end up in him resenting you, and if you guys ever break up, he will have lost a girlfriend and his best friend.

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  • You should deal with it and you have to deal with it if you want him in your life. You're just being insecure about this. If they wanted to be together, they would be. They've been friends long enough to know that it's nothing but friendship.

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  • If they were best friends for 22 years... that's a loooonnnggg time. That said, I see where you are coming from too and she seems intrusive. Does it really need to be all or nothing? Can't he talk to her and set up some boundaries with her? Like: the stupid comments must stop and no more texting at 3 am?

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