Break up: I'm not good I'm not bad, about to explode?

Please any experiences of your own I would really appreciate.
You can give me all the advice in the world about how to move on and be happy, I wouldn't be ungreatful for it but I know how that can be done.

I just want to know how you coped. I want to hear your stories. Your reactions. And if you were the dumper or dumpee what you were thinking and feeling on breakup.

I want to know if I'm crazy or maybe just a fool with a broken heart who is yet to grieve further about this later

My boyfriend broke up with ne. Saying I was too good for him, he didn't know what he wanted and I was too good for him. I deserve better. He said he didn't enjoy being around me anymore and had lost the energy to make things work.

We were on holiday at the time. For the first few days after break up I cried, got angry, got sad, got happy, thought fuck him i'll find someone better, then thought I'll never feel so strongly, got suicidal thoughts, believed the breakup, then didn't believe it. A week on from the breakup and I don't know what I am.
I want to be filled with sorrow. I want to break down. I want to move on too and want to feel happy. I don't want to be in this plain middle feeling. It isn't a feeling. I cannot stop thinking about him and what could have been. I cannot stop thinking about things that lead up to this.
I'm trying to make excuses for his mistakes and not forgiving myself for my reactions to things.

I can't see the way through. I am heartbroken. Absolutely. I can't see that I will ever stop loving or feeling this way. But why am I not constantly upset and in tears.
I am typically strong and resiliant but don't want this to hit me later. Perhaps i'm still in denial.

I definitely need to foregive myself. I need to work out ways to move on but right now I have no stregnth for anything. Good, bad, destructive or positive and productive. I really want to know what he is thinking and if h

Updates:
he is thinking about me, if he is regretting things said and done not just in breakup but the past year.
Maybe I should givemyself a break it's been one week... we were together 2.5 years. I was honest, loyal and trustworthy continually. I really thought we could get through anything together.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Ah, you're in that zone. The dreaded land of the undead. I've been there so many times I may as well build a house there.

    The most memorable episode was where I was dumped after a 3 year relationship over lunch at Subway. I went through all the usual stages of grief - sadness, anger, denial, blame. I cried. A lot.

    It took a while to get past it, but when I really thought about it, it *was* my fault. It wasn't completely my fault, but I'd made some pretty stupid mistakes along the way. It led to me sitting down and writing out what I refer to as "The Rules". I still have it, and I refer to it every time I'm tempted to do something stupid again.

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    • What do you think your mistakes were if you are happy to share?

    • Show All
    • Thank you for your advice! I am feeling a lot better now. It's nearly been a month. I found a blog which was massively helpful and helped me understand him. It seems my situation is very similar as others and I have been with somebody not fully emotionally available to me and had one foot in our relationship. I'm not past it at all. But I am noticing the days get easier. I spent the weekend with some friends and my brother and his friends, that was massively helpful to get out and have fun, despite everyone asking how he is and me having to explain. I find it embarassing. Your words were so helpful to me. And just to know someone else has been there and got through. And that I wasn't going mad!

    • Awww...I'm so glad could help, and that you're feeling better now. It's a process, like anything else, but as long as you keep looking forward, you'll have a bright future. I wish you the best of luck. If you ever need me, I'm just a click away. :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • That's really long.

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    • Yes it is quite a long one!

What Girls Said 2

  • Join the club! Exactly the same happened with me and my ex of 3 years. It's been 4 months now and I'm still in this fucked up emotional state, I still think about him every single goddamn day. It just pisses me off.

    Don't know if same went with you guys but my ex insisted to staying friends. I was definitely not ready for just friends so I thought maybe if we try as friends his feelings might come back. Of course it didn't work and it made things even worse. So I finally cut him off. I literally tried everything to forget about him! Was busy, going to gym, hanging with friends, flirting with guys, working a lot, anything you can think of. But it's useless and I'm giving up on trying. I'm gonna accept my shitty mood until it's gone by itself.

    I don't know how to help you since I don't know how to help myself either, but I can tell you one thing that is for sure - it will pass eventually. Then you will fall in love with someone else and all of this is not gonna matter at all, he will be out of your system, for good.

    Finding a new guy is honestly the best cure. But not just any guy, someone you actually like. I started liking this guy from work he is a really good thing for getting my ex off my mind and seeing a hope for myself. He is nothing like my ex, I think that's why I like him. But he has no clue I like him and I'm so shy to make a move.

    Anyways, it's normal the way you feel. Just embrace it and say "Is that all you got, life? Bring it on!" and just take it as a warrior! We can do this because we are fucking amazing and those jerks are missing out! :D

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    • No nothing said about being friends. He said when I dropped him off after our holiday that he could come yesterday to drop my things. The first I heard from him was yesterday saying he had them in a bag. He was meant to drop them today. He hasn't and no word. I haven't contacted him at all. Just saying ok thank you yesterday.

      Maybe I should cut myself some slack and let whats being at the moment be. I'm avoiding my friends atm becuase I don't want to talk about it. I don't want them to ask. I ashamed of the things he did and may never tell them. I told my mum and my brother and his wife. That's good enough for me.

      Told no one at work. Everyone keeps saying boyfriend this boyfriend that, especially as we just got back from holiday. I just won't talk about him and hope they stop!

      Do you dream about your ex? I have had 4 dreams since about him. It's horrible to wake up from. I heard it is your subconcious playing what you want and it takes a while to get over it and reprograme! Like PTSD!

    • Yeah you should definitely give yourself some slack, it is totally normal. You are allowed to feel how ever you need to feel and you shouldn't judge or hate yourself because of that. Just let it out... let out, girl... let it the hell out! If you need to be alone and not to talk about it with any of your friends then don't. I was different on that matter, I didn't want to talk about anything else then my ex, would be annoyed when someone changes the subject because no matter what they talk about I couldn't focus. But I faked like I care and like I'm alright because I thought something is wrong with me to feel THAT MUCH. Now I'm just being myself, alone, coping with it.

      I did dream about him but not so much. I dreamed how he regretted and contacted me and we got back together. Other times I dreamed how he came to me with his new girlfriend (even tho I think he doesn't have a girlfriend now) and it hurt so much in a dream.

  • You're not the only one going through this.
    It is difficult to think everyday is gonna get better. but all that I am dng is praying to god gimme strength to deal with this
    May be dumb for some but it does make my day go through a bit better.
    It hurts to b in this zone whr you bloody hell don't feel any emotion but
    THIS TIME WILL ALSO PASS BY
    My relation was of 5 years
    Lots of dreams planning commitments
    But what now all a distinct dream
    But unless you don't believe in your own dreams things won't work out

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