How do I plea for forgiveness with no way to communicate?

My girlfriend and I have been through a lot the last month or so. Her grandfather has past, and it hasn't been easy for her. For the first week he was in the hospital she was very distant. Which for the first couple days was fine, but by day 3-4, her disregard to my concern was starting to upset me, and she took that as me upset cuz I wasn't getting attention. But what was really frustrating, is there was nothing I could do, because our life is a secret as she is married (I'm her ex b4 her 5yr marriage). So, she ignored me just over a week. We then start talking again, but I could tell she wasn't the same. Unfortunately a week or so later he passed :(. After 3 days of his passing, I was very supportive and attentive to her needs (for what little I could do). Then by day 4, she seemed to be doing ok however, still somewhat distant and lacking affection. I asked how she was doing, and after no response for 4hrs, I sent "..." to which she replied hi... I said ok.. how are you feeling, she said fine, tired. I then said oh.. ok.. well figured I'd talk to you b4 I go out for the night and you g2b (friday). She then got pissed, I asked why so mad, all she could say is, I can't believe your gonna go drink while I'm balling my eyes out. I said, you just said you were fine, had I known you were this upset I wouldn't even have told you. She then says, whatever go have fun, drink your F'n drinks, etc etc. I said (like an idiot) lol wow... she then said whatever I'm through. Goodbye. To which I replied (again like an idiot) Awesome!! I'm free!!!

Only reason I said this, was cuz when I'm hurt, I don't like to show it, so I pretend like it doesn't fase me, and when I'm upset, I go a little too far (exhibit A ^). Needless to say I didn't go out, I stayed home and basically cried.

Anyways.. I pretty much blew up her phone the fallowing 2 days pleading for forgiveness and expressing my guilt. It's been a week now and she still refuses to talk to me. What shall I do?
What my plan is so far is (realizing most of which is rather foolish), I made a huge sign that says I love U Boopy (nickname) that I planned to stick in the ditch on her way to her work. She loves the color turquoise/blue so I plan to dye a dozen white roses. She's a huge Minnesota Wilds fan, so I bought her two 12oz Wilds glasses that I plan to fill with her favorite candy (reese's mini cups), I also got her a 18×10 plaque of her favorite wilds player as well as a Wilds necklace/pendant.
500 character max? Really... Most importantly, I got her a sympathy card and I plan to write a (plagiarized) poem that reads


Most Helpful Girl

  • Why are u in such a relationship where she is already married?
    She is keeping u as an option
    Pls I ask u to let go
    Its toxic for u


Most Helpful Guy

  • Action speak louder then words grab her favorite movie, some ice cream and show up to her house unexpected and say all you need face to face... when a girl say she's ok chances are she is not never make that mistake again and when a woman is going through something you have to be almost as if you are a waiter you make sure you are there as soon as she needs something and not be another problem she has to deal with and look for ways you can ease up things for her in any way


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What Guys Said 1

  • Sometimes, it does you better to let go.


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