I want to ask my wife of 35 years for a divorce, but am afraid to hurt her. How should handle this?

The last five years we have drifted apart. I am an affectionate person that is not afraid to show it in public. She has turned into a prude. Our sex life does not exist.

I recently ran into a woman from my high school days. We had coffee and imediately hit it off. I told her everything about marriage. She went through the same thing with her ex-husband. We decided to start seeing each other as friends. She is the exact opposite of my wife. We are going to talk on the phone, use email, and meet once a week.

We are both in our early seventies but feel as though we are in our thirties.

Updates:
I have never cheated on my wife. My wife hates public affection. She won't even give me a kiss good night. I used to be introverted, but over the last few years I have become more open. I can't get her to have a serious discussion with her.

She has no interest in my work. I want to continue working as long as possible. One reason is that with modern medicine people live longer. I want to make sure that I or should I say we, are able to keep up with our lifestyle, no matter how old we get.
We married on an impulse. Only lived together a month. We are were direct opposite. How we lasted so long I don't know. We seem to have switched again. They say opposites are attracted to each other. I have come to realize that be be true for short period of time. Our faults are different and over a long period of time, push us further apart. The woman I am friendly with is very much like me. We like the same things and can easily talk to each other openly. Currently we are just friends.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • 35 years is a long time
    You can't shatter something this long like this jus because ur sex life doesn't exist doesn't mean that you drift off to another lady
    U r in a marriage not a boyfriend girlfriend relationship that hey girl its not working let's move on
    She gave u her 35years too. So what if she had turned into a prude
    U have turned in to a cheater
    What about that?
    Look in too ur own flaws before searching faults in her
    She stuck to u even when u dint reciprocate things in ur marriage.
    Try to work on ur marriage rather than working towards a new relation
    By breaking someone down u can't build yourself

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    • He is not cheating on her. Are you mad?

    • What according to you is cheating?
      Being married and having a bond like this with another women is justified?
      Kudos to your thinking
      That's all that I have to say !!
      Don't like my opinion
      That is your wish go ahead with what you think and comment on your own
      Bye

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 8

  • You don't fix or work on a problem between two people by bringing in a third. Your are going to make more problems than you have now. By your age you should have the common human decency to talk to your wife first. No matter how flat a pancake is there are two sides. I am sure you are not Prince Charming 365 either. Just saying You need some professional help and it don't mean with a a hooker. When you and your wife decide together what to do then you can add people into your life. You don't solve a problem by creating new ones.

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  • Are you afraid to hurt her or are you really afraid she might hurt you?
    Because what you're doing already is hurting her once she finds out.
    There's no way around hurting her unless you get her to meet and fall in love with her high school sweetheart who's widowed or divorced first too.

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  • If you are divorcing her merely because your sex life has dwindled, I think that's terrible. There are ways to get the spark back. You have to be motivated to try. If this is your reason you will hurt her regardless of your tactic.

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    • I think before pulling the trigger you owe it to your wife to try.

      You need to be honest with yourself and with her if you are not happy.

      Do not put the blame all on her. Relationships are two people. Give her the opportunity to share where she's at and where she's coming from. She may not know that you don't feel supported and unloved when she doesn't reciprocate your affection. You need to let her know that it means a lot to you and isn't a small thing.

      Tell her that you are not happy. That YOU feel that you two aren't communicating effectively and that you feel that there's something missing in your relationship. Ask HER if there's something you aren't noticing or appreciating that has made her feel distant and less affectionnate. Be honest with what you both need and figure out if that's something you can compromise on and do for each other. You owe each other the chance to work for something if it's something one of you wants to keep.

      There was a reason you got married.

  • Why is the reason for her being a prude? health problems? dry vagina? :P

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    • You just need to sit down with her and tell her it's been great while it lasted but i am not attracted to you anymore!

  • I would try many more strategies before divorce.

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  • No one wants your seventy-one year old stinking ass anyways. Shoo shooo (no pun intended0

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  • I'd say you continue with both women. This way all of you will be happy. Please make your new love understand that if she wants to be with you, she has to also bear your wife of 35 years on the side.

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  • you need to think about yourself first.

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What Guys Said 8

  • too often couples let things get worse and worse till there is no recovery. You may be at that point. But I will recommend you try something now that you should have done long ago: Couple's Counseling. There are many counselors who are trained in guiding couples to solutions that work well for them. Please read, www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10515-what-can-couples-do-when-the-relationship-is-rocky

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  • I'm afraid it's going to hurt either way. It's probably best to just be direct, and tell her how you feel. It's entirely possible she feels the same way. Either way, you take a risk; but there's levels of risk, and this seems to be the best path to me.

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  • I think your wife have also noticed that you two have drifted apart. I don't think she would be that surprised if you sat her down and explained that this drifting apart is not a situation you can be in.

    There's no point in being "noble" and simply endure a relationship that makes you miserable. I'm sure you agree when I say that life is short. You've now been given a new chance for love and happiness.

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  • Sir, I think you are in a very difficult position taking into consideration your age and options etc. for the first time, I'm stumped, this is level 100 in terms of relationship dilemma. And I know personally what it's like to be in your situation, but you have been in the relationship longer than for what I lived. I would take the time and money to see a relationship therapist. Start off by yourself, blatenetly and honestly tell the counsellor what's happening and then you need to confront it. My thoughts are with you on this one.

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  • Since everything is already drifting apart, it shouldn't be hard for both of you to have a divorce

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  • Don't think there is a way not to hurt her.
    Divorce should be the last option and it seems you haven't tried everything you can to make the marriage better.

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  • Follow Red Arrow' s advice.

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  • Love is Verb Sir...

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