Long time since I've talked to my ex. Wonder if I should write her a letter?

I was in a serious relationship than ended about a year ago. She was the first girl I met that was 100% into me. At one point we were serious about our future. But like any relationship it was complicated. It a nutshell I loved her very much but I was having career difficulties which was impacting my confidence. I took this out on her a lot (which wasn't fair) because I really have high expectations for myself. I also wanted a break from her because physically things were peetering out. We had a weird role reversal when it came to sex. She was usually the initiator and I started turning her down for various reasons.

Also something really serious happened a month later after breaking up with her. I discovered I had an HPV infection and after 3 weeks of contemplation I told her about it in person. I was seriously concerend about health. She told me she was vaccinated and pretty much responded "tough luck". However she got vaccinated right before she met me (she had been my only sexual partner for 1.5 years). There's a good chance she got it before meeting me and never had any symptoms like most people. I was furious and wanted to strangle her. However I also remembered that she we would often say asisine things if she was put on the spot.

About 6 months ago I moved out of state for work. Since then I have gotten much better financially, started dating againa and even hooked up once (I told the girl about my issue.. she didn't care). I'm feeling much more confident but a part of me would really like to talk to my ex. Should I write her a letter?


Most Helpful Girl

  • ... and pretty much responded "tough luck."
    Along with This, which I found a rude Hit and Miss Mistreatment, there are other things on this list of "No love loss" here, dear, that I find that with moving 'Out of state for work,' you should Definitely Forget the Ex, find someone who you are More compatible with and with this 'Letter'... Leave the message and Past in a bottle.
    Good luck. xx

    • I only had 2000 characters so not much room for details. While I was dating this girl we really did have a strong "best friends" kind of relationship. However I started losing physical attraction towards her. I really struggled with hated myself for a long time because of this. There was nothing wrong with here... she was cute, young and slim. I just couldn't put my finger on it. She got more and more frustrated with me. So when she wanted to split it off I wasn't surprised. I really wanted to stay friends with her... but there was another part of me that realized that could be problematic (especially if she was seeing someone else). It was more of a sad break up than an angry one. However after I found out my condition I was absolutely shocked by her brutality and lack of concern. I've gotten better but I haven't gotten over it. If I could just have a 5-10 minute conversation about that it would help me (just a letter). It's haunting me.

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    • she will be worse now since I am... Different. Nice... fucking nice. I know what you are saying but I wish you didn't jab me with that fucking detail. I'm not a leper.

      You know I debated for three weeks to tell her about that and I even got professional advice from a support group. They told me to tell her. I wish to Jesus and everything holy I never said a word to her about. Being honest and taking the high road put me under.

      Now I'm opening on old can of worms.

    • No jab, sweetie, the Truth.. With you being Now different, starting anew life, she will be worse for sure and mistake your kindness for weakness for sure... I don't agree with the group but yes, opening up a can of old.. and smelly worms... Le sleeping dogs lie, you don't need the hassles and old ways can bring up old days and no new ways by starting over. xx

Most Helpful Guy

  • "I was furious and wanted to strangle her" --- Sort out your anger issues.

    What do you think the point of the letter will be? What are you expecting from her?

    • if you just found out you got an incurable STD from someone who doesn't give a shit (although you thought you could trust them) you would pretty fucking pissed off too. The letter won't probably do anything at all. It is more ventilation/closure for me. I also wanted to it to be mostly positive. I did have very good memories of her before things went south. I never expect to get together with her again. However this feels like a loose end that I can't seem to cut off.

    • Send the letter if you want, you definitely won't get an answer though... Is that closure? You'll probably contact her again and again and again and then eventually she'll file a law suit.

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  • No. Leave her alone


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