What issues to bring up when we finally talk about getting back together?

My ex who lives a state away is coming to visit around new years. We both want to get back together and love and miss each other.

I have requests of him if we do get back together, such as that he call me, take me on dates, and be more involved. These were noticeably absent the last time we dated. He took me on some dates, but not many and we never really did things as an active couple. I want him to work harder than he did the last time

Should I bring up what the breakup was like for me? Should I tell him how he hurt me so he knows where I'm coming from when I ask these things of him? Or should I just tell him that "Because you hurt me last time I'm proceeding with caution," and tell him he needs to work harder this time.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I thinki you should be straight forward to him, with my ex-girlfriend I really appreciate that, It means that you worry and care for the relationship and because of you saying all of those things you want things to work. You are not keeping them to yourself and then all of a sudden bursting wanting to end it. He should take in consideration what you want definietly, the relationship is a two way thing and both parties deserve to be happy, if he acts dumb about it then he is really not worth it, a man should always try to make the woman they are with as special and happy as she can be.

    So my advice is yes, tell him what you expect out of this, leave no details behind, if he listens and reacts nice, it could really turn into a beautiful thing! And if he doesn't appreciate it or he doesn't think he want to do those things or think they are just stupid, get the hell out of there!. There are probably a million guys out there willing to give you all of that so don't worry, you are a pretty girl from what I can see, you will have no problem believe me!

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    • I definitely want to be straight forwad with what I want. He should know that.

      However, should I bring up what I went through when he broke up with me?

    • I probably would think not, I would recommend you to have a fresh start and just telling him what do you expect to get out of the relationship this time! If you do mention what you went through when he broke up with you it might sound like you have some hard feelings towards him and might make him uncomfortable, I suggest just a new clean chance! :)

      Hey I would appreciate if you could help me out too in the question I have put up! Not an obligation or anything don't worry lol Thanks!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • He'll first comply with your wishes, then resent them, then leave.

    You need to find someone who fits your preconceived idea of what a boyfriend should be so he won't become an 'ex'.

    Ted

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    • I think the reason he wasn't doing those things before was because when we dated it was much more casual. I know he's getting the urge to settle down which is why I think he will comply with my wishes and not resent them, because he's ready to be a boyfriend.

What Girls Said 1

  • No, I think you need to be as specific as possible when you two discuss it. You need to communicate what you need from him and give him examples. I think this is very important since you're both giving it another try and in order to ensure a reconciliation is successful. I am sure he is already aware of the fact that you were hurt, as he was too. I think you can let him know that you want to reconcile but want to take things slowly (same as cautiously). The goals here need to be what NEEDS to be done and NOT rehashing previous emotions.

    This is my opinion. Good luck!

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    • I think you're right. If I bring up too many things from the past it could make him feel as if he is being attacked or that I'm being unfair. I should probably bring up specific examples and say I need this from you because this, etc.

    • Exactly. If you're both going to reconcile, leave the break up portion with emotions, who said what and blah blah out of it. It's done. If there's to be a fresh start, focus on what you both need from each other- period. It's a clean slate and that needs to be the objective.

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