Distance, is causing a breakup I need proper Advice on how to tell him we can make it work?

Hey everyone!

I have been with my boyfriend for two years and a half today, i have finished second year and the third year i chose to commute. He currently lives in oxfordshire and i live in St Albans it is roughly 2hours drive from one another. So we had two hiccups which caused us to change, but we said we would fix things and work on ourselves. I finally got him to upen up last night to why he has been acting differently or weird for about 1 month now.

He said it's due to the distance, and making all that effort and it's expsensive, i see where he is coming coming from and agree, but i feel like we haven't even experianced it so how can we tell it won't work? if we haven't even tried yet.

Second.. he said that deep down he feels a tad disconnected.. which i never felt till he mentioned it..

Third he said, he relationship doesn't seem to work due to the distance..

So he was like lets give each other a few days to think it through what we want, and i was like i have nothing to thtink through i know what i want.

I also said to him i have thought about all of this,, and i said to myself you are worth the effort i am willing to go throughall of this.. so NOW i have given him space and we haven't spoken since.. i just feel like we're going to end and i feel like i've seen this coming, i don't know how i can try and convince him anymore..

Finally everyone, he said you know if i dont think this will work i would have just ended it just like that, and i was yeah i know.

he said he still has feelings for me.. and he cares 10000% about me and ovbiously if he didn't think he wants to be with me he would have stopped everything ages ago.

so i need anyone opinion guys girls i dont mind.. what should i do.. should i just end it because i was going to before he said all of this and now i feel like he has just nudged me to do it but at the same time my girl said he's mugging me off and stringing me along, but i know him and he isn't doing that..

i just need advice anyone!! how should i go about this now? any ideas?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Whelp if he doesn't want to make it work there's no use in trying to hold on and convince him otherwise. I bet he's on the hunt for someone else someone closer if that someone isn't already entertaining him and that's why all the sudden it's a definite end.

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    • Now i asked him that yesterday, i said the only thing of the change of heart if tehre is another girl you are talking too.. and he said no and he would tell me tbh that he's got another interest, we're quite open. and he isn't that kind of guy that pays attention to another girl when he is already with someone, like i know him i would know personally if he is talking to another girl or anything. But if it is something along those line and he is getting entertained by another girl, i'm not fazzed i'll just end it. i'm just confused cos he says the relationship doesn't work in his head, but he hasn't given up yet because he still has feelings and thinks it can work.. so that is what i am confused about like what should i do?

    • Or so he says he would tell you. Then it could just be me but I don't believe in leaving anything to chance. I think he's trying to make you frustrated on some level confusing you with bullshit so just end it.

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What Guys Said 1

What Girls Said 4

  • Four and a half years ago, a man from Egypt found me on Facebook and we had started a whirlwind romance. In getting to know him and his family better on Skype, I then boarded a plane and flew off to the magical land of Cairo, where I stayed for 30 days. After returning home, I hopped back again on board, where we ended up tying the knot at the Ministry of Justice. I remained there for awhile, learning how to be a Muslim's wife.
    I am back in the States now and although we had a few problems while I was living with him and the family out there, we continued our marriage, being with one another Online and trying hard to keep the fires burning, our marriage alive.
    However, strife in our life and the Middle East growing and getting as bad as it is even now over these years, I have Not been back to be with him or even have decided to live with him because of what has been happening. I ended up cheating on him, getting into another relationship for a year with a Coptic Christan, living closer to my home and dating other guys on the side. He still hung in there, forgave me but his family has a sour ball about me, which I believe if I came, could be well again.
    It Does indeed take two special people to make a LDR work. It takes two to tangle, two to Tango and Two to make the 'Effort' you are talking about here, dear. If Only one is making all the time and doing all the work, then the relationship is sure to grow dead in the water. You need Two for Team work.
    In you telling me he 'Cares 10000% about me,' it doesn't seem to be enough. You are carrying 20000% for the Both of you because you truly Love him and nothing would stop you from being together or making this work.
    Oxfordshire and St. Albans seems like a stone's throw compared to where I was willing to make my life at one time way across God's country. However, like myself, I also believe, if I really wanted our marriage to work, I would have made the Biggest effort of all and that was even Open lines Online of Convo Online with Skype because without This, even with no face to face for awhile, there is nothing more To... Say.
    Do some more soul searching. And with all that he has said, the writing on the wall, is pointing to perhaps it is time for you to move on and for you to find someone who can Give More to you than Just... Words.
    I feel myself he is 'Nudging' you to move on and has already made up his mind this isn't going to happen for Now.. Silence is golden.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Thankyou for that insight, Silence is very golden. You have opened up my eyes a bit more. Maybe i think it is best to move on. I feel like i have it my all, and now that is not enough for me. I also think i have cried over it all and now when it is over i think i will handle it better than i have in the past.
      Thankyou for your help, i will keep you posted on what i have done.

    • Oh, so welcome... It's a full circle pattern with you both and it is not going anywhere... Please, keep me posted.:)) xx

  • The exact same thing happened with me and my ex. We were together for 2 years in long distance. In the end he asked for a little break so he can figure out what he wants. I gave him that break, we didn't talk for 10 days. Then the day came, he called me and broke up with me. It was 4 months ago and it is one of the hardest things ever happen to me. I'm still healing...

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  • I don't think it sounds like he is stringing you along. I think that he wouldn't have been honest with you if that was the case. It is a tricky one. It sounds like you both really car about each other but just finding time to make it work is hard. Do you have a way that you can regularly see each other (such as you go every other weekend to see him or something)? Making time for each other is even more important when you have distance. Even if it's just a phone call every day.
    If there is an end to the long distance that can also help. You can count down the time until you can be back together

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    • yeah we can see each other half way or things, but he just has no where to stay, because it's not like my parents will alow that, and his parents would, both are parents are happy that we are together, but due to repect to their household we wouldn't do that. I did try and tell him that i would equally be making the effort but in his head the cost of petrol, and effort he said he doesn't need that. So i just feel like i should stop trying. Never the less when he said we will talk later, i said no you message me when you want to talk to me, and well i've heard nothing since, so i think i will end up enidng things with him, i never asked it to turn out like this or ask him to act like this, if he doesn't want me i would rather be with someone who would want to make that effort and would want to talk to me. hmmm

    • Yeah i see what you mean. Sometimes it is not either of you just the situation. You never know you might break up now then in years to come find a way back together.

  • he does care about you.. but not enough.. he doesn't have that crazy love love feelings for you.. soo wait a few days if he contacts you.. and if he doesn't then move on.. you deserve better.. everyone deserves a partner who is crazy about them..

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