I lashed out at my boyfriend because I suffered a death in my family, is he right to leave me?

I recently lost a family member I was close to. My boyfriend decided to carry through still with his vacation when I begged him to postpone a few days because I needed his support. I said a lot of terrible things over text and accused him of everything I believe he should be doing and more.. I really let loose like a crazy person and feel like I didn't know what I was saying At the time as it was coming from a place of great pain.. After I said I wanted to break up a half hour later I came to my senses and changed my mind and the next day I sent a huge apology explaining why I was lashing out and that I know it isn't right and that I need to deal with the pain in a less destructive way. But now he just says "you broke up with me" and that he appreciates my apology but has cut me off. I am feeling so terrible about my loss as it is and now I have lost him.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I am so sorry for your Great Loss... I know what it Feels like to lose a 'Family member,' and unless someone Has, they can never know the pain that it leaves as You... Grieve.
    As far as your so-called 'Soul mate' goes, I find him Insensitive and a bit heartless that he didn't 'Postpone a few days' when he knew You 'Needed his support' the Most... Now you know what to expect when the chips are down.
    Yes, you may have been in the wrong to 'Let loose' like you did, but if he can't understand, and even with your 'Huge apology,' that you were under stress and strain, then maybe it is time Now to do some serious Soul searching as to what kind of Soul mate you really have here, dear.
    I feel in my own heart until he gets back from his little holiday of enjoying himself, he will keep you on his pay no mind list and when he is Ready Later, after he has unpacked and done his Dirty Laundry... He will then be there for you.
    Good luck. xx

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What Guys Said 7

  • Most likely this relationship has other issues and this was just the tipping point. People feel sorry for you because of the death, and your break up. As a result people will naturally want to take your side to help you, and tell you things like what an asshole he was, but the truth a person has a right to leave anyone they want for any reason they want. If you weren't happy with him for whatever reason you wouldn't be expected to stay with him, and neither should he be expected to stay in a relationship where he is not happy no matter what that reason is.

    It sounds like from his point of view you left him because he wouldn't let you control his life. It also sounds like you didn't just dump him, but rather that you went out of your way to make sure you burned your bridges by hurting him as bad as you could. Even you admit you sounded like a crazy person, so it must have been pretty bad. It may be that your words hurt him as bad as you meant for them to. The moment you decide to purposely hurt someone, it is only natural to expect them to make a decision as to whether or not to let you remain a part of their lives. That is all he did.

    I don't know what exactly you said to him, but breaking up with him alone is enough to make a guy not want to get back together with a woman. A lot of guys firmly believe in not getting back with a woman after they have broken up under any circumstances. A lot of women even use breaking up as a weapon anytime an argument doesn't go her way. It can show how manipulative she is, how far she is willing to go to hurt him, as well as not taking their commitment seriously. This means his not wanting to get back together is completely understandable.

    If I was talking to him about the way you treated him, I would advise him to take the fact your actions came from a place of pain. I certainly don't think you are a monster, or the girlfriend from hell. Then again I don't think he is a monster if he decides he doesn't want to get back together either. Maybe in some time he might decide to talk to you again. However I really suspect this relationship had issues before it came to this.

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    • Thank you for your answer as it is really good. I know I was purposely trying to hurt him at the time and it was likely the tipping point as there was a lot of issues up until then. But about a year and a half ago in our relationship he was having really bad drinking issues. And he would get abusive and do things like put holes in my wall, tell me I should kill myself, call names, etc. I left him eventually but then went back even though I never really got a heartfelt apology from him and he just justified it by things "I did". But he has never gotten that bad since so I felt deep down he did take it seriously. The most hurtful thing of being cut off like this is that I've felt I was forgiving and understanding in the past as hard as it was and the favor was not returned when I needed it most of all.

  • Give it some time, you just snapped on him and he's probably thinking like "wow... so this is how she really is".

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  • I reckon if women have the right to leave men for not having enough money or being lame in bed he has the right to leave you for being emotionally abusive and taking out your feelings on him like some kind of punching bag.

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  • I think he made the right choice.

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  • He knew that you lost a family member and he still thought it'd be a good idea to leave you in the midst of all that. You shouldn't have let loose on him like that, but you are definitely better off now that a guy like that is out of your life.

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  • I'd do same

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  • no. he was being selfish.

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What Girls Said 2

  • No he is a self centered prick

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  • No, he's being inconsiderate and selfish.

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