When your good friends break up, who should I side with?

I've known my two friends for nearly 2 decades since we were middle schoolers. Althroughout high school and college they dated, broke up, made up, and then eventually got married... and then unfortuantely are working on a divorce. I am super close to both parties, love them like siblings, but the break up has made it too hard for each other to just be friends and so now as a friend of both, I don't want to start picking sides and having to only invite one or the other to events and things we've been going to forever. It's doubly difficult because our larger circle of friends have all known them the same exact way, for nearly 2 decades. What do I do? Can I still be good friends with both or am I eventually going to have to chose a side?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You don't pick sides and you don't talk about the other to either of them. You invite them both and if one of them has an issue about it, that one can figure out what he is going to do.
    Ultimately the issue is theirs not yours and they will each figure out how they would like to handle it. But it isn't worth burning the bridge on either side.
    My great-grandmother had a rule about her sons' divorces "you had a problem and divorced her, I didn't. " As such I have several great aunts who have been divorced from my uncles for at least 30 years, longer than they were married, that are still very much a part of the family and are invited to EVERYTHING. Their ex husbands went on to marry and have kids with other women but all of them get along and attend family events together with no problems.
    Once the initial emotions of the divorce have subsided: they probably won't mind being in the same room.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I'd stay out of it and let them work it out. I know it's not easy to do, but it's far better than picking a side. Simply because if you do pick a side, you will end up becoming a target for one or both sides of the break up.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Whatever You do, Don't... Chose a side.
    You have known them 'For Nearly 2 decades' and hopefully still counting, and just because Now they are no longer two birds of a feather, there is no reason of the season to have to Not still Be 'Super close to both parties' just because the Party is over now and they are no longer stuck together.
    You need to sit each of them down, Individually of course, and set a few rules Down and tell them how you feel and also you need to remind them, you are sorry for the raw deal but you are Not... Going to make any deal.
    When it comes to 'Events and things,' talk this over with them and merely tell them you are Not going to choose with this Neither, that you want both of them to go and with this being Said... They would have to decide if they want to go or not.
    Good luck. xx

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  • Don't chose any sides, they both r super close to u and those were their problems.. Maybe u would sit with each one individually and tell him/her that u can't chose and tell them that u hope they understand!

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