Advice on getting over an ex?

We were together for about 6 months.

I put in a lot of trust, blah blah blah. I was really attached to him.

He was not attached to me, lied to me, cheated etc.

I thought I was over him when we broke up, but I was looking at his Instagram and I saw he followed (and she followed him) the girl he cheated on me with (he also told me he would never even start to talk to her again and didn't like the way she lived... they also text). I started crying. I feel so heartbroken and worthless and lied to.

I need help on not even caring about that girl, all of the girls he liked while with me, and especially him.

I cried when we broke up. I don't think he did. He admitted to never crying over me while he used to make me cry every night.

I feel devastated. My heart is literally hurting.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I got divorced 4 months ago. My wife and I were married for 4 years. When we were dating, it was wonderful. She said all the right things about living by the Golden Rule and her idealism for what he wanted in a relationship. I loved her and I think she loved me. After dating for 2 years, we got engaged and married 9 months later. We were together for almost 7 years.

    After 3 years of marriage, one of her daughters started telling her to divorce me; I was encouraging Lynn to put some limits on her daughter's abuse of her. (Her daughter is almost 25 years old now.) Lynn thought it was more important to maintain a relationship with her daughter, regardless of the price, than to maintain a relationship with her husband. She stopped trying to make our marriage work and that means that she violated her vows.

    She changed her mind about a divorce 7 times last year. By December, I was exhausted by the constant turmoil and I stopped trying to talk her out of a divorce. I moved out at the beginning of January and our divorce was final at the beginning of March.

    I understand attachment and trust. Lynn did not cheat on me but she still broke one of her promises ("forsaking all others") and I never saw her cry one tear about our divorce.

    1. I did not allow myself to sit around and mope about her. Within 6 weeks after our separation, I became active on online dating websites and I started dating. After meeting approximately 10 women, I have found one who seems very genuine, caring, down-to-earth, and affectionate.

    2. Every time I think about her and remember one of the good times, I force myself to also think about the bad times and the problems that led to the divorce.

    3. I remind myself that Lynn does not have much ability to stand back and examine herself critically, and that means she will not change. That also means she will repeat her mistakes and, if she starts dating and eventually remarries, she will have the same problems again.

    4. More likely, she will not remarry, and that means she will soon be very alone, because the troublemaking daughter will get some money on her 25th birthday, buy a house, and move out.

    5. I don't allow myself to drive by the home where she lives, where she works, or otherwise try to "accidentally" encounter her.

    CONTINUED

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    • Perhaps you are telling yourself that this SHOULDN'T happen to you and you are consoling yourself with thoughts about how unfair all of this is to you. We all grow up with some understanding about how we should treat each other and we expect that other people will follow those same rules. Nobody prepared us for the fact that there are lowlife people out their who will not follow those rules and will act totally selfish.

      You need to accept the fact that there are guys like your ex and you need to learn how to spot them and how to avoid them. If you think back on the early days of your relationship, there were probably warning signs that you ignored. You were probably too trusting too soon.

      Remind yourself that recognizing the existence of the creeps and taking them into account is part of your maturing in how you handle interpersonal relationships and that this is an opportunity for you to learn. You will get better at these things as time progresses.

      CONTINUED

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    • I think your 'first love' is the hardest to get over. (Especially when you realize they had no care for you.)

      Thank you.
      So much.

    • You are right. You never get over your first love. It's like you were living in a perfect world and everything was beautiful and, all of a sudden, everything's covered with mud and filth. It's an illusion that's shattered. What you need to understand is that it was an illusion.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Just do other things that make you happy and overtime you'll forget about him.

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  • sorry - only time and a new guy will help this... check out www.marriagebuilders.com for more help.

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  • Most men won't admit to crying how long have u guys been together?

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