Why can't we make our long distance relationship work?

My boyfriend of over a year is moving abroad to Africa for a two and a half year work assignment.

We actually broke up three times in the past four months, all because of tension and anxiety over the move. We always get back together though. Things were smooth and going extremely well before the news of the move came.

In April, we had our biggest falling out, but kept in contact and we eventually unofficially got back together. We apologized to each other, and said how much we missed each other. We acted as if we hadn't split.

We are now taking a break again. I fear this may be it. As his departure date nears, he is distancing himself even more. I'm afraid he will avoid me until he has to go.

We work in the same organization, and see him often, even if we don't work directly with each other.

He had worked so hard to get me... after seven months of trying before we became serious, and it feels he's just giving up.

Why do we have to end things now? Why can't we at least try it out to see if it works instead of jumping to conclusions that it won't? He will still have a home here; his family is here; and he will return a few times per year for consultations with headquarters. So, why can't this work?

I know he still has feelings, but he's on the fence, and I feel him drifting away. I definitely still love him.

How are you supposed to let go of someone you still love?

Help me, please. I'm so anxious.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • since u broke up 3 times in just 4 months... i don't see y u need to continue anyway? fights occur often as it seems coz he's movin... wouldn't it be better to let it go instead of keep fightin wid each other? sorry but i believe it's pointless tryin to gettin back

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Most Helpful Girl

  • LDR are One of the Hardest to Have and to Uphold of Any here, dear. I, for One, can tell you first hand.
    I still have a husband out in Egypt whom I married in his own country a few years back, and with not having gone back to be with him or even live with him, which I seriously had planned to do, has put a lot of strife in our married life and... Online as well.
    It takes two special people to make the effort and take the patience to make this work. It takes Team work on both parties parts, and if only One is making the concerted effort, it can go and grow dead real quick, believe me.
    He is Beginning his Beguine now with what he feels may be the inevitable. He is backing away every day, putting himself on this 'Fence,' because he knows Africa, which I can surely vouch for this, is Not a stone's throw and he has this long term assignment.
    Perhaps with this 'Long term,' LDR does not go hand in hand with his Long term plans. He is trying hard to cut the strings now because he may feel being hooked at the hip and not being able to come home or you going to visit is worth your time, let alone his, and may want you both to move on before he moves on out.
    Yes, I agree, you both could 'At least try.' I have and have had Skype with my own husband who has yet to divorce me and cut the apron strings in our LDR marriage. However, if you would again, sit him down and try and make him bend, seeing it your way somehow, he may come Around... And then again, may not.
    It is probably killing him inside to have to feel he is 'Drifting away,' and with This, no matter what his decision, the ''Feelings' don't distance themselves, I know this as well. I still love my own husband who I breakup and makeup with all the time and no matter what, he still loves me unconditionally, even Though... We are miles apart in distance and many times in heart because not being together tears us apart.
    All you can do is try and work on his own heart strings but if he doesn't comply and just wants to fade away, then no, he will Not 'Let go of someone he loves,' just in his mind that will remain alive, only because it is telling him it is the best thing for him and for you.
    Good luck. xx

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • Long distance relationships are hard work, it's easy to start to doubt the relationship but you two seem to have always found your way back to each other, regardless of your ups and downs. You should reach out to him and ask him for a talk, get your feelings out and be completely open. It seems like you two care about each other so the least he could do for you is be 100% honest about his feelings/fears/wishes. It would be unfair for you if he just left you on edge like that, but maybe that's his way of coping for now. You said you work for the same organization and see each other no matter what, so if you do end up splitting he'll most likely miss you again like he did many times before. If, unfortunately, that happens yet again, try patching things up for good, hopefully sooner than the previous times. Sometimes people are placed in our lives for a reason and if this doesn't work out, at least you had a chance to encounter this person and at least some good came from it. I wish you the best, and I hope you can work it out. Long distance relationships are hard work but it's worth it if you both can't live without each other.

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  • There is a pro to this should you break up now which is that at least you won't bump in to him when he leaves... However, you will feel robbed of at least trying and you will always wonder. I think you need to explain to him that you feel you guys should at least try. xx

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  • It might be that he is distancing himself because he doesn't want to have to deal with leaving home and leaving you. Long distance is tough but it can work, it just takes a lot more effort than a normal relationship. Having a time on the move can make it easier as there is a definite end. Be completely open and honest about how you both feel and it should help.

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