Guys, is he officially done with me? Have I gone too far?

We were together for 1yr. He broke up with me. Our last encounter I went crazy and pretty much harassed him.. Called, text, emailed, Facebook messaged, DM on Instagram, I even messaged his mom, sister and best friend to let them know how terrible he was treating me (I was drunk).. I attacked his character and left several crying voicemails. I immediately woke the next morning feeling extremely embarrassed. 5 days later I emailed him and found him on a dating site and apologized for my actions. He accepted my apology and told me to take care and be blessed (with a smiley face) It's been 3mths since we've broke up, 21 days NC and I am still blocked on Facebook.. I don't plan on reaching out again, I am to embarrassed but I do miss our friendship and I'm curious to hear others perspective. Do you think he will ever reach out? We had something special, We talked every day and created a Great friendship.

We were known as the "beautiful couple" people even said we looked alike. Our personalities were very similar and we had a lot of the same views. I think having this time apart has cleared my mind of why the relationship didn't work (We were long distance and communication was taken out of context) and probably will never work (to exhausted) but I don't want to loose my friend in the process just because I lost my mind during my emotional roller coaster!

Every time I try to get him to meet up and talk things over so we can move forward with a friendship he refuses. He says he doesn't think I can be friends and it's unhealthy for me. That's not true. He's just difficult and that's what drives me crazy! He acts like i am a piece of trash. I feel disrespected, like not only does he not want to be my boyfriend but not even a friend!

Did I go to far to the point of no return? Is there any recovery after our last encounter?


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What Guys Said 2

  • I agree with your ex. Trying to go back to just friends after you have been dating almost never works. The one who was on the receiving end of the breakup almost always clings to the hope that the relationship can be salvaged while the other person wants nothing to do with that.

    If your relationship was that wonderful, how could you have disrespected it so completely? That is what he is so angry about; you disrespected him and you involved other people when you were spewing your venom. Learn your lesson about this and move on.

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    • Well that's just it, our relationship was special. How could he just throw it away and treat me like a piece of trash. The way he handled the break up was very disrespectful in my view.. Especially when he had just told me a loved me two days before and we were planning an anniversary vacation together as well as taking me to look at engagement rings. I felt he led me on and gave me the cold shoulder.. He completely shut me out and refused to talk to me when I needed it the most. I admit it was childish of me but I don't assume all responsibility! The fact that I still have love for him surprises me. I just wish we could both assume responsibility for our actions and put it behind us and move forward!!

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    • Why would you ever want to be friends with our ex? I understand that there was some friendship there as well as the romance/sex, but there are a few problems with this arrangement.

      1. Quite often, after a breakup, the person who does the breaking up will offer "let's be friends" as a way of letting you down slowly but they really don't want to be friends.

      2. Quite often, after a breakup, the person who was on the receiving end of the breaking up will jump at the offer because they think, eventually, their partner will realize what a tragic mistake they made. They will keep their desire secret because they know that if it is revealed, you will back away from the friendship. Still, that desire will color everything that they say and do in the "friendship."

      3. If you move on and get into a new relationship, how will your new partner feel about you being "friends" with your ex? They will question whether it is just a friendship and will perpetually be suspicious/jealous. Big problems!

    • You're right! I just thought something must of been wrong with me because I've never managed to remain friends with a man I loved whose hurt me! He mentioned to me he was friends with a few of his previous girlfriends.. When it was his birthday I saw on his Facebook wall some girl posted happy bday best friend I love you and he commented back love you too!! That crushed me. Not only that, she lived in MY home town and I had never met her! This man was a man of God! We never had sex in our relationship so I dont suspect he was cheating physically but Emotionally how could you have a "girl friend" that live in my city and never introduce me? I didn't know if she was an ex or what. Then I thought Maybe she's more stable minded and they are able to be friends and I'm not! So maybe something is wrong with me!!

  • I'm friends with all my exes, but it takes emotional distance and acceptance. It takes quite a bit of time and understanding, but I like being friends with my ex gfs. He definitely isn't going to be associated with you the way you are now. You need a whole lot of time and distance. I wouldn't contact him or find anyway to. I've done this with ex gfs, but it lasted a few weeks and then I got my stuff together and moved on. Holding onto them pushes them away more. I got to be great friends with my exes over time, but it's understanding and emotional distance.

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    • Would you say there is no hope at all provided the way I have acted?

    • I'd say there's hope... one day. He needs you to accept it's over and you need to stop obsessing. Work on controlling your emotions and wait it out for several months. You to learn to accept the fact you're not going to be together. When you do that you can work from there. You're being real insecure.

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