I want to be better at everything my boyfriend's ex did for him.

I've come to a disturbing realization, though. I was wondering if when anyone has time, they can shed some light on it.

I don't really know how to say this so I don't look like an idiot, but, I want to be better at everything my boyfriend's ex did for him. Subconsciously, I've created this goal in my head, because I've been so worried about him wanting her again, that I try to go above and beyond to be better than her. Now, don't get me wrong, my conscious goal is to make him happy. When it comes to sex, doing little things... but I think that very thinly, I just want to do it better than she did, so it will make him love me more than he ever loved her. Because I feel threatened by her. She was with him for two years, they know each other in a way that him and I haven't gotten to do yet.

So, I guess my question is, is there something so completely f***ed up with me for feeling like I need to "beat" her?

I've always had a competitive personality. I actually WASTED a night with him once because he said I couldn't handle not touching him, so I didn't for an entire night. It was torture, but I proved him wrong.

Just realizing that I've been doing/feeling that way subconsciously makes me feel incredibly immature. I realize that this is no competition, that I've already "won". I got my prize, right? So why do I feel like I need to compete with her? Is it because he's still lying about being in communication with her? I never felt this way until I found out.

Help!


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Like You said you feel threatened because you know they had a very strong relationship and this worries you. So you feel that he will love you more if your better than her, but he probably already loves you for your own special traits. Your already better than the other girl in a way that makes him like you more. If you relax this will work out and you'll get to know him as well as his ex did

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What Girls Said 1

  • You answered your own question. You feel 'threatened' by her, because he still has an ongoing connection with her. More or less you're in competition with a ghost. It shouldn't have to boil down to who's better. Rather who meshes the best, provides love, support, respect, friendship and sacrifice. You're driving yourself insane and probably not getting much enjoyment out of the relationship. Furthermore, you're not being true to yourself and your own needs, because you're making your boyfriend the central focus of everything. I think that's okay but to a point. You have needs, wants and desires too, therefore he has a piece in fulfilling you too.

    I think you need to look at this reality very closely. Once you do then I think the mature approach is to resolve the underlying issue- the ex. He needs to be honest and real about things. You should be the primary goal, thus he should cease contact with her. It's only fair so you and the relationship can thrive.

    That's my perspective Be well.

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