I want to be better at everything my boyfriend's ex did for him.

I've come to a disturbing realization, though. I was wondering if when anyone has time, they can shed some light on it.

I don't really know how to say this so I don't look like an idiot, but, I want to be better at everything my boyfriend's ex did for him. Subconsciously, I've created this goal in my head, because I've been so worried about him wanting her again, that I try to go above and beyond to be better than her. Now, don't get me wrong, my conscious goal is to make him happy. When it comes to sex, doing little things... but I think that very thinly, I just want to do it better than she did, so it will make him love me more than he ever loved her. Because I feel threatened by her. She was with him for two years, they know each other in a way that him and I haven't gotten to do yet.

So, I guess my question is, is there something so completely f***ed up with me for feeling like I need to "beat" her?

I've always had a competitive personality. I actually WASTED a night with him once because he said I couldn't handle not touching him, so I didn't for an entire night. It was torture, but I proved him wrong.

Just realizing that I've been doing/feeling that way subconsciously makes me feel incredibly immature. I realize that this is no competition, that I've already "won". I got my prize, right? So why do I feel like I need to compete with her? Is it because he's still lying about being in communication with her? I never felt this way until I found out.

Help!
I want to be better at everything my boyfriend's ex did for him.
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