He's avoiding me and seems upset although he claims it's fine? Guys especially help?

My former best friend/crush broke off our longtime friendship and wouldn't say why for about 2 weeks, then came up with this thing about me "being annoying" that only some of us believed (it's a long story but his brother even went out of his way to get me to stop asking questions). I think it's actually because he thought he could no longer be with me and was giving up. (He knows how I feel by the way - and I can't imagine him acting the way he has over just being irritated.)

Anyway - it's been since April and at one point he told his sister to tell me he was ok but just wanted to be acquaintances - I thought ok fine. So I've tried to just be normal and friendly. But even now he looks at everyone but me and ignores me and/or randomly talks to me and it seems forced and awkward. Or watches me when I'm not looking but otherwise tries hard not to look at me. Our friends noticed yesterday that he wasn't talking to me/blowing me off when I tried and I thought oh :/ I am trying my best to just be normal and move on but it kills me that he seems to be upset when I'm around. I rarely see him happy :/ although apparently he is elsewhere.
Any advice or ideas? I want him to just be some degree of normal even if he doesn't feel anything toward me - I don't expect him to have the same light in his eyes but I hate feeling like I'm causing him some kind of distress/upset - I just want him to not act like this.

Also, my friends say I'm making a bigger deal about this than it is, but I've always been shown a different side of him (more vulnerable etc.) so I think I just see more when I look at him than they do.

Updates:
I have tried really hard to move on - it's difficult when I'm close to his entire family. I don't text him, I try not to talk about him much with our friends, etc. he hasn't unfriended me online and he specifically tried to make things better I think... it doesn't help that my (well-meaning I think) friends twice told him that acting normal doesn't help me to move on (I told them that it does and they should stop but thanks). But I have basically and now he's the one acting weird.
My friend told me she thinks that he's acting weird in order to not give me any hope that things could be normal again, and that he doesn't want anything to do with me :( and then she got mad at me for not moving on and said she has tried to explain this to me many times.
Apparently he doesn't hate me but he doesn't want to give me hope - whatever that means on his end, I don't want to deal with this anymore. It's painful and everyone thinking I'm crazy for trying to fix things is not helping.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • His behavior is typical under the circumstances. I understand "being annoying" as continuing to ask questions that he is unwilling or unable to answer. This keeps the awkwardness in focus. The self-conscious way that he reacts around you is hard to take but remember that the more you react to it, the harder it will be for him. Remember that any discomfort he feels is not your responsibility. If you worry about his discomfort, he will only feel worse. It's best to see this as part of life and growing up rather than as something to be avoided or relieved. In time both of you will be past this if you both let go of any hurt that remains. If one cannot let go of the hurt, the other is in no position to help.

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    • Thanks for responding - and yeah, my friend was saying how she thinks my acting normal can't influence his acting normal or not - but I'm not sure how else to act. I told his sister to tell him I'm ok and understand he might not want to talk to me (or be around me) and that being normal is ok - but he's still acting like this. I guess I hate that I'm causing him any upset - I assume he's not over it either if he continues to act this way.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I tend to agree I think you are making a big deal about it. Its about time to move on. Closure might be needed. And 2 of you talk it out tell each other how both of you honestly feel and felt. Either call it quits for good or start over.

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    • :/ I am trying to move on - I'm trying to act normal around him but he doesn't seem to want to move on despite saying he's fine. I don't have any idea how to talk to him about it.

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    • Thanks - I appreciate the help.

    • Your welcome

  • Stay normal and friendly and if he keeps acting weird it is his problem

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  • I'd back off and let him cool down I would move on.

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    • I have tried really hard to move on - it's difficult when I'm close to his entire family and see various members often/hang out with his sister. I don't text him, I try not to talk about him much with our friends (as opposed to before), etc. he hasn't unfriended me on Facebook and he specifically tried to make things better I think... it doesn't help that my (well-meaning I think) friends twice told him that acting normal doesn't help me to move on (I told them that it does and they should stop but thanks). But I have basically and now he's the one acting weird.

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    • I would say acting normal isn't fixing this. The only way to fix this is to find out what is bothering him. If he doesn't tell you ask his family.

    • Ok - thanks, I appreciate the help!

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