Ex responded at first, but then nothing.

So a little back story: We were together about a year. Pretty intense relationship and all that jazz. Friends would mention how she's never been this serious before, she would confirm it, blah blah etc. Then she unexpectedly ended things citing two POOR reasons and by the end of the weekend, had taken short term work out east. When she got word she told me how she was sorry, and that she was hopeful we'd work it out. Told me how she was "trying to figure her messed up self out", and that "she just felt this was the right thing". A post college freak out. The break up was surprising, sudden, and definite--but on good terms. There was no hostility or animosity. Flash forward: its been about 5 months, and her time at work is coming to an end. We've had absolutely no contact.

I genuinely miss talking to this girl. Just the conversations, and despite having been in longer relationships, I can say that she was my best friend more than any of them. Naturally I miss this friendship. So I decide to shoot her an email (FB message, actually) and congratulate her on her next internship (she was set to apply for a second after this) while keeping it brief and wish her a happy holiday. She responds almost immediately saying that she unfortunately did not get the second internship, but was applying at another place and would find out next week. She goes on to say that life is great (I didn't ask, but thanks) and the faster pace of a bigger city is just right for her. She then asks a few questions about things going on in my life, including grad school applications, while returning the holiday wishes closing the letter.

The next day I respond by saying I was sorry she didn't get the internship she wanted, and that I was hopeful she'd get it (the truth, actually) but that it sounds like she has another good possibility on the table. I ask her what she would be doing there, if it has to do with her initial interest for work, and to let me know if she gets it. Answering her question about grad schools, I let her know where I'm applying. I mention that a few are actually in NYC and ask about the intricacies of living in that city. Close email. Done. Nothing serious, nothing creepy, just a regular response to hers.

So it's been almost a week and nothing. I know it's not that long, and I'll give it time but honestly anybody would've responded by now. She's on FB all day. At the very least, I would expect her to have the decency to say that "I'm not ready to talk" or "I'm trying to forget" or even "f*** you", so that I would know. I would actually prefer a "f*** you" than no response, especially after she responds a first time asking questions suggesting her desire for me to respond.

And let me clarify: this was in no way an attempt to get back together. I just wanted to reopen the lines of communication. If it went well, maybe grab a drink and catch up when she comes home for the holiday. It's easy to let people slip away, and I didn't want that to happen.

Stupid character limit:

So what's going on? Anybody with any insight to what she's thinking? Why would she even bother to respond a first time, and ask me questions, if she didn't want to talk to me? I really don't want to lose her.
So she got back to me. Not via message, but a chat! Surprising considering how "in the moment" that method is relative to a simple message. 20-30 minutes of solid conversation about books of all things. Nothing about past feelings, or present feelings.
Mentioned how she'll read entire books in a day, breezing through some in 6 hours. There was a nice humorous tone, almost like nothing negative had happened between us. It really was like conversation between two good friends.
In other words--exactly what I wanted! Here's hoping we can maintain that friendship.


Most Helpful Girl

  • A lot of times it's hard to be friends with someone you were in an intense relationship with. I was with my ex for about a year, and he broke up with me. THe first time he said he wanted to be friends. I told him I couldn't cause it would be too hard for me. We got back together for 5 days and broke up again, but now he's told me to leave him alone, that he doesn't even want to talk to me. All I wanted was answers too. But he refuses to give them to me. I mean I wrote him a letter that I know he read and he told me he had nothing to say about it when I asked. I think its more that they still have feelings than they just don't want to talk. If they don't want the relationship and you do, even a friendship, that makes them think you want them back on some level. She might just have been responding to be nice, but it's easier for her not to have contact with you probably. I wouldn't keep sending anything if she doesn't respond cause then she'll really feel pressured. It's something you have to let her do. Maybe she just needs more time to figure things out and she wants to be fair to you by doing that.


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What Girls Said 1

  • wow that's quite a story well... all I can tell you is that maybe she just doesn't know what to say when a girl doesn't answer ur message and you kno that thier on well that means that they probably don't kno what to say to you or maybe she's thinking this could lead to a relapse if you know what I mean I would just wait another week or just send her the message again just to make sure she got it? computers do crazy things these days

    • Totally agreed.

    • Thanks for the response! So if she's worried she'll relapse (we were supposed to see each other after the initial break up, but didn't because she said it was too hard. Just texting made her cry, and from what I understand she had a difficult time emotionally with the break up) how do I establish contact and make her comfortable? I just miss talking to her, even about stupid things. Again, I don't want to lose her.

    • Well maybe she does miss you the way you miss her and she's decided to move on ? I can't tell you everything exactly but maybe she didn't answer because she thinks it's time to move on? =(? =)?

What Guys Said 1

  • Listen man,...I'm in a similar situation at the moment...and I can tell you is to just get on with your life...I mean if she's not willing to give you an honest answer or better, be honest with you..jus let her go...and she jus feels pressure to respond because she's being nice and not wanted to create any more tension than there really is...Just take time for yourself and jus get back I touch with yourself...with time you will start to miss her less...jus keep ur head up...itll all be better soon.., and don't contact her...its mentally for the best.


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