I broke up with him and regret it! How do I get him back?

My ex and I were together for a year and 2 months. I'm 22 and he is 23. We were very happy and very much in love! The last 3 months of our relationship, he moved in with me. I had already been out of home for 2years and this was his first time to have moved out of home. He is currently in his 2nd year of university whilst I have already completed 2 degrees. Before he met me, he struggled passing university which resulted in him jumping from university to university. I love him so much that I tried to support him as much as possible. I was close to his family who were concerned about his studies. This concern was because he had no ambition and played a lot of games. During our relationship I knew he was a gamer but I didn't know it would affect our relationship. When he moved in, he played Xbox for many hours. I was fine with it up until I found him lying about going to university and instead playing Xbox. It got significantly worse as he would play 10 hours or more a day (even in the same room I was sleeping in!). I did everything I could to help him - advise his friends to hang out with him, play sport, go out or visit family. He did do some things but still made gaming a priority. I became unhappy. I broke up with him. He now no longer wants me in his life. It's been nearly 2 months since the breakup. I haven't seen him since. The first month I begged for him back. He refused. He then gave me mixed signals. The last time I spoke to him we had a friendly chat then 2 days later he tells me to never contact him again or he would call the police. I don't know what to do. I want him back.. I still love him and think about him everyday. I genuinely love him inside and out but I broke up with him because I had no choice! He hurt me by not accepting my help. He put the game before me. Is it wrong to want him back?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You may not like my answer but here it goes. But yes, its wrong to want him back.

    You can't help someone who dosent want to help himself. Its one of the principals of Alcoholism. He is very much addicted to playing games, probably out of not wanting to grow up, take responsibilities, which would explain why he dosent take his studies seriously. He sounds incredibly immature.

    Honestly, you shouldent be with someone who puts a gaming console before you, and not only that, based on your explanation it would seem he still values it much more than you. He probably moved in with you to escape his parents nagging him about playing too much and not studying, hoping youd be a haven for him. Now that he sees your just like them, he dosent want you anymore.

    Get this straight, this guy is a loser. If he is making you unhappy now, trust me when i say he ain't gonna make you happy later. You yourself said you had no choice, HE WAS HURTING YOU. Someone who loves someone, won't do things to hurt that person. He will sacrifice somethings for you, at least something as simple as a few hours of videogames. This guy sounds like he neither respected nor loved you, he loved his games.

    Think about it. Do you really want to waste another minute of your prime on a 23 year old man child who dosent want to grow up, dosent love you, dosent want you, and puts a videogame before LIFE? Dont you think YOU could do better? Find someone who loves you back? Respects the things that bother you? Takes note of your unhappiness and does something about it?

    Do you see yourself marrying this guy? Having this cycle go on for years? Because trust me, he dosent WANT to change. You will never be able to help someone who DOSENT WANT HELP.

    Do yourself a favor hon, move on. Their are much better fish in the sea.

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    • I'm stupid to keep holding onto this man child. I keep thinking he will change someday but it probably won't be anytime soon. You're right in saying he used me to run away from his parents. He even told me he wanted to prove to them he was his own man - obviously failed.

    • Dont kick yourself too hard. Love can blind us to some people's most obvious defects. You learned a valuable lesson in identifying losers, use it for when you go hunting for your next relationship.

    • My man, what you said here gives a lot of hope to you end of our generation. I wish more young adults had that mentality.

Most Helpful Girl

  • It was your mistake to move in with him. Didn't you know he was a gamer before that? If you did then you probably knew he plays a lot. So, you brought this to yourself. You should never try to change someone! My boyfriend and I are both gamers. He is a bit more hard core then me, but I don't mind that. And yes he is also immature, he was sitting home for 3 years doing nothing but playing video games, no ambitions, no searching for a job, nothing. He was earning some decent money from those video games though and his parents. See, I know all of this, and that's why even now after 3 years together I don't want to move in together. I have a steady job and I can take care of myself, but I can't and won't take care of both. Moving in is a big step and it shouldn't be taken so easy. He knows this and he knows he has to find a job. No moving in before that. But besides that I don't mind anything else. He is good to me and I love him. Sometimes he priorities games before me but that's also fine, it's not like I can't live without him. We play games together sometimes. I guess we are just similar and that's why we go good together. Gaming is not an addiction or an illness it's a sport. And if you can't understand that then you should leave, but you don't have a right to blame him. I think breaking up was a drastic decision. you could've just moved out if it's bothering you THAT much. I mean as I see it, as long as I have money for my own food, rent, bills and stuff, and I don't have to pay for his, the fact that he is gonna play 10 hours a day is not any of my business. I hate people nag me about my gaming and I'm sure he hated it too. Yes there is a chance that he is not gonna do anything with his life even 10 years from now but you don't know that. And people shouldn't give up and nag about stuff that MIGHT happen. Just live in present. My boyfriend finally found a job few months ago and I'm so glad I didn't have to do anything about it. People do what they want when they feel like it, not when someone is nagging or threatening them.

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    • I agree it was my mistake to have him move in with me. Throughout the time he lived with me, I realised this mistake and asked him several times to move out. But he was stubborn and said if one of us moved out it means the relationship is over. I even wanted to move out of the place even though it was my place! Again and again he told me not to. I have no problem with gaming. I even played games with him for several hours. I was never a gamer but I decided to enjoy his hobby and liked it! It was the game "destiny" that made me unable to play with him. As a one player online game, it didn't give me any options to join him. I have played multiplayer games with him where we even finished the game several times together! As it was his first time out of home, he got a new job which he ended up hating. He even made me call up his work to say he was sick just because he couldn't be bothered. I don't want to change him. I simply wanted him to balance his time, priorities and life.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You can never make someone into the person you want them to be. It sounds like it is a good thing you two did break up. The guy literately sounds like a loser who hasn't accomplished a thing in his life.

    Why not find someone who has more ambition in life and has something going for them?

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  • Ok he deserved that because I personally think that you should spend time with your girlfriend not your XBox sure I like to play games but I play games for about 30 minutes but I spend around 3 hours with my girlfriend and we go on dates every other Saturday and I think you shouldn't love him and also he sounds rude your supose to be nice

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What Girls Said 2

  • Wanting him back is not wrong... but do u want to go to being unhappy and miserable... u both have different priorities in life... u have tried helping him but obviously he is resistant... go out there and meet more mature men who understand what u about,... u will be shocked that u will fall in love with a man that appreciates all you refforts... don't sit at home and cry... Start dating , be with positive friend , get out there... Good luck

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  • Yep. He has an issue. You can stand by him no matter what and hope he changes, but like 99% risk of failure/ wasted time or you can move on and let him get his act sorted and come chase you.

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