How can I forgive myself for being so naive?

How can I forgive myself for being so naive and for trusting someone that proved himself to be everything but my Mr. Right?

He took advantage of me until the very end, in every possible way. He took as much as he could from me, without giving much in return. I did not see what was happening at first, I loved and trusted him. I believe when he talked about our future together, he was very charming! At some point I felt something was not right. I politely mentioned it, but things never really changed. I guess he did not understand, or pretended not to. I started to give less. All of a sudden he started to say that I changed, that I was not the same person he met, that I was not as nice as at the beginning, that "I did not respect him"... He convinced me that I was the one to blame for everything that was not working between us! He got me so confused!

At his convenience, after a couple of years he dumped me out of the blue for someone else. I felt so betrayed. He allowed this person in our life behind my back - I did not know she even existed, yet she could peak into my life at her will. Of course she took advantage of the situation, and he let her. And worse, he did not show any sign of regret or remorse when I found out about it. If someone asked him now, I am sure he would say that his actions were totally justified and appropriate, and that he is a human being and makes mistakes, but we have to accept it and move on - how convenient. The guilt he showed lasted no more than a few days. He wiped me out of his life with a flick of a finger without thinking of the consequences of his actions on me.
I am convinced that all that happened is actually a blessing, I don't want to think what a major mistake I could have made if only I had married him. Not my problem any more. But I took very important decisions in my life when he was all about "when we will get married and have a family". I thought it was a serious relationship, and when he broke up with me I found myself alone in the worst psychological and financial situation I ever experienced in my life. I hit the bottom hard!
And I am still trying to build my life again from scratch. I have no intention to speak to him ever again. But it hurts to know that he is blissfully happy with the person he left me for. I do not wish anyone bad, but if he could go through what I went through because of him - it would be only fair. It's been months since the break up, but I still cannot forgive myself for having wasted so much time, energy and health for someone that did not deserve it.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Okay, so I'm not married or was dating her, but I did the dumbest thing I could do and fell for a girl that literally got the most out of me, gained my trust (which is rare), grew close to me, and then completely hurt me and left me to figure out her distancing was due to finding a guy she recently met.

    I tell myself that I am human, I fucked up, I learned from my mistakes with her, and slowly but surely moved on. Just takes time and I think you should do the same. Give yourself time to let it out, don't just hold back because that'll hurt more in the end, learn from what he did, realize we are human and we both made mistakes, and move on.

    It's gonna take time and hurt like hell, but in the end it'll be better for you. You'll learn from his mistakes with you and know what you want in a guy.

    Hopefully this helped, I'm not the best at giving advice but I try.

    • Thank you for your suggestions. And I am sorry you had to go through something similar. It feel so bad when you realize someone took advantage of you, exploiting your weaknesses and the trust you have in them! I felt so vulnerable, and I do not think I will be able to trust again... It did not help me the fact that I did not have the chance to tell him what I thought of him after I discovered all the cr@p he put me through. It took me time to get fully aware that everything I believed in for two years was a huge huge lie. I was so shocked and I had no energy to talk. I thought about sending him a letter, but then I always changed my mind. What would I achieve? He would never admit his faults and find a way to come out clean.

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    • Thank you! I will follow your suggestion. I do have a number of things I want/need to do. :)
      I will pass on the pictures and letter though. Frankly, I do not want to share anything of my life with him, good or bad. I'll let him wonder.
      And yes, I do hope he will get his share of deception, betrayal and heartbreak eventually. I do feel a little bad for thinking this way... but it makes me feel better now.

    • Glad to be of some help to you.

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What Guys Said 1

  • How couldn't? You expectation toward yourself is too high that makes you never doubt yourself you would make a mistake. perfectionist. You just need to set it down , believe yourself is a normal person that makes unperfect decision. and believe it the naive had gotten you. believe it was all these wrongs are on the account of perfectionism.
    then you throw this trait away, be a pragmatic person, a person that still makes mistake. because you're pragmaticist, you allow yourself go wrong.

    • Thank you for your reply. You are right, I have a tendency towards perfectionism... I do accept I made a mistake. I did it in good faith after all, trusting someone that at the end proved to be a selfish, superficial manipulator and liar. Unfortunately I am still paying the consequences, as I lost what I worked hard for for years. I made some important choices totally relying on him, and when he left me I found myself with nothing. A dream that was so close to come true vanished... I think this is why am so hard with myself - I am struggling to get back where I was before. And it's really hard. Sometimes I totally lose self confidence and I get anxious and depressed.

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    • Thank you... I appreciate. Hopefully one day my life will be as beautiful as before.

    • i know it will.

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