Girls, did I make a mistake letting him go?

I recently dumped my boyfriend of 3yrs. it was long distance (UK and USA) but he paid for me to visit him and insisted I keep my money as he knew I was struggling with bills back home. he was always there 4me and got me through sum tough times. He took care of me when I was sick even paying for my dental care twice as I was in pain. He took me on European vacations etc. he always made me laugh and smile. I never loved anyone the way I loved him and sex was the best I've ever had. I'd get home after a bad day and there'd be flowers etc waiting for me. He WAS perfect. Things changed when he found out i lied about kissing some1 else while we were on a break & he then found out I wasn't actually divorced from my husband (we have been separate for a yr) before I met this man). He became jealous and got annoyed when it took me hours to reply to a text even though I was texting other people back etc. he had a lot going on and I know he was unhappy in his job (he gave up a job he loved and took one he hated to sponsor me to live there). He also hated that I kept him secret from my family for 2.5yrs and wouldn't let him be friends on fb. He got angry that I started doing webcam sex shows for money and jealous when I was going out with male friends because I flirt with them. I admit I doflirt but nothin more. We broke up for a bit and I kissed some1 else again during that break (a male friend) and we got back 2geva but he was unhappy that I still see the male friend. I got pregnant and miscarried and then left him for good as he was acting depressed and needy and clingy.
He started therapy for is issues (he has a really bad past, his mom kicked him out when he was 14, his dad died when he was 9 and he was sexually assaulted as a child). I started seein him get back 2 his good old self, the man I loved so much but he would now and then get jealous again so I left him for good. Therapy is helping him & he continues to go. We haven't spoke for a month now and I think he's with som1 else.
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Most Helpful Girl

  • From what you say... I think it was a good thing that you let him go. It does not seem you were invested in the relationship the same way he was. He was there for you always, you weren't. You took advantage of the situation.

    Why did you lie to him about your relationship status? Why did you keep him secret from your family? Also, you really flirted and kissed others? It does not matter if you where on a break! How do you think he felt knowing this? Walk a mile in his shoes...

    Clinginess, loss of self-esteem, insecurity, jealousy and depression are most likely a consequence of you lies. Lies always have a way to come out! And the consequences on the person that was lied to are often devastating, especially if he already has emotional baggage from his past. He trusted you... and you betrayed him. Once trust is gone, it is gone.

    Frankly, I would have dumped you long before if I were him. He probably loved you so much and was so invested in the relationship that could not find the courage to do it.
    So, if you really love him, let him go and move on with you life. You guys do not seem to be a good match. Perhaps the person he is seeing now is a good match for him. Also, learn for your mistakes - do not tell lies. Honesty always pays back.

    • The times we were together in person were amazing and I never felt happier, he tried so hard to get me to go back to UK to sort things out but I refused. My friends all think I'm doing the right thing but they don't know the good stuff only the things I tell them when we argued. I love him so much but I'm scared he will become needy and clingy again. I have heard and seen he's made huge improvements on his self. We were so happy for so long and it went wrong in just a few months. I'm so confused

    • My ex was a secretive person, and often lied by omission. Once I started to doubt him, I became clingy. In turn, he became more secretive and accused me of being controlling. Resentment built up between us. It was a toxic loop. I gave him everything: he was the center of my universe and I am sure he appreciated it. But my clinginess pushed him away, I felt I often was not his priority. I got into depression. I wanted to figure things out, he chose the easy way out breaking up with me and immediately moving on with someone else. What I understood after we broke up (I was devastated for months) is that I had trust issues due to prior negative experiences, and his being secretive was due to his own past emotional baggage. We could have talked about it, but neither of us was good in communication.
      Sometimes things are very difficult. Unless BOTH parties are willing and can solve their problems as individuals first and then as a couple... things don't work out. Sometimes love is not enough.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I'm sorry, way too much deception from your side. He had every right to doubt your intentions and truthfulness based on what you said here. You were right to let him go as these breaches in trust were massive; he would have continued to be untrusting.

  • He deserves better, so it is right FOR HIM if you leave. But you let go of an amazing man

    • He WAS amazing up until the point I confessed that I kissed someone else whilst we were on a break, he knew it happened but I kept denying it but eventually told him. He started acting different after that. He still cared for me, loved me, made sure I was up for work by calling me, cheering me up when I was sad. He even used to stay up all night and comfort me on the phone if I had a bad nightmare or got scared. and he supported me as much as usual but he got needy and clingy and freaked out if I didn't speak to him for a day or two. He never stopped fighting for us and was pretty much willing to do anything to make us work. I don't know how i feel. I got extremely jealous when I seen he was talking to another girl and having similar conversations that we used to have. I'm really confused but I cut him off completely

    • But what you're failing to realize is that the relationship broke down BECAUSE OF YOU. He didn't act different because of no reason, he acted different because you lied

  • It's women like you that give the rest of us a bad name.

  • In my opinion you don't deserve this man and you were wrong to leave

  • Sounds like you don’t really deserve him. He was way too good to you.

  • It was right you left. Right for him.


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