How do I break up with my boyfriend?

The guy I'm dating went away on vacation for a month. In that time, I can count the number of times I've heard from him on one hand. The worst part is, I'm not even surprised that he would be like this. Even though he tells me that he loves me every time we speak, he doesn't act like a boyfriend would. Heck he doesn't even act like he likes me all that much, even though I do think he does. I want to break up with him when he comes back, am I being too harsh? How should I tell him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well you could at first maybe confront him about this issue, no? If not, you don't necessarily have to wait for him to come back. Don't text but have the courtesy to call him and brake up. But not before stating your problems to him.

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    • hmm... how would you suggest i confront him?

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    • thanks for replying! how do I even bring this up though? do I tell him that I don't think it's working out? or just simply I didn't like that you didn't talk to me when you were away?

    • Maybe you could say that you didn't like the lack of contact while he was away. It felt like he had forgotten about you.

Most Helpful Girl

  • My boyfriend recently went away on vacation as well and even though he promised me to stay in touch, he didn't really. It drove me right up the wall. I was worried, angry and confused. Back then, I've read a lot of articles and had to learn that apparently it's "normal" for many guys to go on vacation and not remain in touch. I think you should talk to your boyfriend about it and tell him what you expect, maybe he is clueless. My boyfriend knows what I expect but doesn't care. I keep having the same discussions with him about not being in touch (he also does it when he is not on vacation).
    I think you should ask yourself how much this guy means to you. You don't like the way he acts and the things he does, and people don't change within a day, even if they want to change. So be prepared that it will take some time, talk and also frustration. In the end, you're the only one who knows if it's worth it for you or if you'd rather just end things. If you decide to break up, meet up with him somewhere where you can talk privately and tell him that you aren't happy with the way he's treating you and that you expect something different from a relationship and you don't believe things can work since want things from a boyfriend that he either can't or doesn't want to give to you.

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    • wow i feel like i'm in the exact same situation as you were... this guy is probably the first guy i've ever fallen for, so it's really hard for me to give him up. but the whole time we were dating he just doesn't communicate with me and doesn't act like a boyfriend. i also don't see myself being with this guy long term because of compatibility issues (i don't like his lifestyle habits and he loves to party when I don't, etcetc)... if i end it it'll break my heart but i feel like i'm heartbroken almost everyday anyways when I'm with him..

    • You should sit down with him and discuss all the issues that you see in the relationship and maybe you can find ways to make things better. I know what it's like when you spend the majority of the time being unhappy and then wonder if the 10% happiness the relationship gives you justifies the 90% unhappiness it creates. It's always hard to break up with someone, especially when we like them a lot but rationally know that it just won't work out. You should have a good talk with him. But also keep in mind that breaking up won't get easier with time, so if you know that this doesn't have a future, it might be best to end it now and give yourself the chance to find a guy who looks for and expects the same things as you do. I know it's not easy. I've been with my boyfriend for two years and each time he does this thing, I sit here wondering why don't I break up. But I like him a lot (aside from these things) and keep hoping he'll get it :/

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Considering you barely speak, would you even think of him as your boyfriend? If not then you can do it a 'cheaper' way since it's not a relationship.

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  • You should just blow someone else and send him the video

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  • Right after sex!

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What Girls Said 3

  • What some women don't realize is some guys do not know how to be "good boyfriends" some guys are clueless to what might even be wrong. On his part, just me giving him the benefit of the doubt, he may think things are going good with you too even though you are clearly not happy. I would first let him know how you feel. If you are going to breakup with him anyways you have nothing to lose but first telling him how you have been feeling. Give him a chance to respond and improve. Guys can be oblivious even though it seems to us that they should just know. Just express yourself and let him know what is bothering you. Communicate how you feel to hi. Let him know it is bothering you that you don't hear from him that much. Give him a chance to fix it or do better. If he acts like a asshole about it theb break it off. Also if he truly seems non interested in the relationship then by all means break it off, but make sure that you know for sure that he is not interested.

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    • thank you for this... i think he acts this way because that is how he wants to act... sure i could ask him to act differently so that I'd be happier and he'd probably do it, but what's the point of being with someone who doesn't even desire to talk to me and share his experiences with me... i didn't want to change him so i tried to be ok with this, but now i'm so exhausted I just want to give up

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    • i think i'll give it one last try when he comes back, how would you recommend I bring this up with him? i want to do it in a way that won't make him feel like he now has a chore to do

    • I think it is about your tone, if you bring it up in a calm tone where it doesn't sound like pressure or force that would be perfect. Also how about doing something romantic for him when he returns and it can be something simple, it does not have to be something big, and during that moment gently let him know you missed him and bring up what you want to say. As long as you don't have any type of attitude and harp on and on it about it should get through to him without a problem. Remember this there's nothing wrong with communication, it is key! You just have to be careful how you say it. You can kind of practice how you are going to say it and if you want to message an example to me of how you will say it I will tell you if it's too harsh, etc.

  • I think you should speak to him about this.

    If he continues to act so distant in behavior then I would break up with him.

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    • how would you recommend I bring this up to him?

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    • thanks so much for the advice, much appreciated!

    • No problem <3

  • Speak to him first

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    • how would you recommend I bring this up to him?

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    • Like u i was planning a breakup. He kept insisting to have a second chance, i knew he wouldn't settle for a no and i wasn't in the mood to further negotiate, anyways i told him to talk to me after im done with my exams which are in mid October, so he agreed, now we are in a no contact phase till October, i still dont know if i wanna get back with him or not lol

    • wow that is tough, being no contact for so long... if i could do that i might as well break up with him lol

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