Why do I feel guilty for sending my b/f to jail?

We have been dating for 2 years and living with each other for 1 year. Basically everything was perfect in the start I thiught this was gonna be the one to build a life with and he's great with my 5 year old son iv know him for c blose to 4 years first date was a disaster but I gave him another change a year later. Well 3 days ago he choked me several times to the point where a seconds more I would of passed out he did this repeatedly and then putting all his weight through his hand covering my mouth where I was worried about my teeth. This lasted 6 hours and he wouldn't let me go or leave the room until he tried to hold me and he fell asleep we both did eventually I was able to text my cousin to call the police. This wasn't the first time where he had become abusive physically this way. I know that night we had finished coming back from the bar but he's the kind of person who cannot hear any criticism or truth and it drives him crazy he wasn't making much sense to me that night and when I told him he's gonna kill me he thought I was exaggerating or couldn't believe I would say that. He would ramble on when he was mad to the point I thought I had a mental break down in the car. When he's good he's great and he's done a lot and helped its just if liquor is involved I know it's a 50/50 we will argue. Now, back in February I was pregnant he took me to new hamshire for beach view suite where there ended up being a huge snow storm... Again we got into another argument 2 days after v-day in this hotel he ended up leaving me with a bruised lip and locked out of the hotel in freezing temperatures where I had to walk to the closest open place to use a phone. We were 1.5 hours away from home and he had already arrived to our home he continues to talk and be angry and didn't even care that I was out there pregnant with hardly anything on and the manager of that hotel had to calm him down and man up that it was dangerously cold. So this continued onth his lies I eventually found out

Updates:
That he cheated on me with the ex girlfriend who he claimed and convinced his friends and family that she was crazy and lied and pressed charges on him for the same thing pretty much. And he begged and swore it was a lie and she said that she doesn't forgive him for what he did and that he's crazy but occasionally recently they hook up. This is where I should of left but then him just convincing me and showing his love it was hard. He had it good his friends were happy that j was with him
And they all said we were a. Wait idyl couple and blessed but be wasn't like this always this was just recent months he changed. I just don't know what to feel I wanted the charges dropped they are serious I think he needs help more even if we aren't together but the house is depressing I just want him to go back to being his happy energetic loving boyfriend he was that respected every part about me and i should of never slapped him when I did because of what he would say I am wrong

0|0
63

Most Helpful Guy

  • Probably because y'all were so close in the beginning and everything was great, but now he's locked up after showing his true colors. You sound like a really caring person, just put your faith in the wrong guy.

    You did the right thing though. Sounds like it would have gotten worse before getting better.

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you feel guilty because there's a part of you that loves him.

    You must realize you did the right thing.
    He is not good for you or your child.
    Stay away from him!
    This will effect your child negatively if he continues to see this type of behavior displayed.

    If you let him back into your life, one day he will have gone too far and seriously injure you (where you can no longer function the same) or worse even kill you.

    www.worldstarhiphop.com/.../video.php

    Above is a story of inspiration for you.

    I applaud you for making a strong move.
    But you have to continue to be strong for your child, and not let him back into your life.
    He needs to get help!

    0|0
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • He deserves it

    1|0
    0|0
  • I've had the same feeling for leaving girls who were verbally abusive to me it's guilt because you two were close. But believe me it's the right thing to do you can't allow your self to be a punching bag. It's going to hurt but remember he almost killed you... is your life worth his refusal to treat you as a human being.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yeah it sucks and its depressing and I knew I should of left earlier but then it's like the good times almost outweigh the bad but that's just my mental state right now.

    • Yeah the longer you go the more you start to realize it was bad. Believe me you'll miss him

What Girls Said 5

  • u probably feel guilty bc he's in jail and you're not. his freedom is gone. and maybe ur wondering what will happen to you guys when he gets out. you're not wrong for feeling the way you do, but he deserves what he got. just keep your head up and stay positive :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • You feel guilty because he emotionally abused you and let you think it was love. This is common for abuse victims. I'd suggest you reach out to someone who has experience with domestic abuse trauma (therapist, social worker, priest, etc).

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yeah I'm starting to realize that today (day 5). I'm trying to gather my self all together and its crazy because Is always said this when I was in the relationship sometimes towards the end. It wasn't always this way its when stress crashed into him like a truck and he turned colder some days and crazier. I was just thinking about everything I went through. I almost had the nerve to be mad at myou cousin who got me out of this and my sister today... I had admitted what was going on one night in pure distress not knowing who else to talk to... I feel dazed and lost ugh..

  • Don't. You did the right thing. Its for the greater good. It could have gotten worse, but you did the right thing and you just need to think "If i never told someone about this where would i be right, how would i be feeling right now?"

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't know why you would feel guilty for protecting you and your child!! He is exactly where he needs to be and your son deserves better then to be around a toxic relationship.. Maybe you should shift your focus from your own selfish desires to be with a man that disrespects and hurts you, and start focusing on this little life you're responsible for protecting. It's a harsh truth but your priorities have to be in order!

    0|0
    0|0
    • Well the arguing and fighting never occurred when my son was around and the sad part is they adored each other and when he would leave for a couple days to his biological fathers family for a few days for some reason all this arguing and fighting would happen. I don't have to be with him but to make sure he gets help and the proper medical attention he's requiring now. I would never put a man over my child but it still hurts if I could just walk and act like we never had anything and be my happy go lucky old self I would but I can't mentally... we shared a lot.

    • Show All
    • Yeah my dumb ass went down to the court in tears when I heard they tried to charge him with intent to myrder vy strangulation since his friend convinced me that this would ruin his life and that we have to go separate ways I tried so he has court again on the 19th in double thinking it now because he only feels sorry for him self not what he did to me ugh I can't even concentrate here at fucking work! I wanna cry but then I get so angry and he's so manipulative his friend really thinks he needs to be released because his bail is 25 thousand who cares what about me I'll be left with a fucked up mentality on men who knows

    • You poor thing! I can only imagine what you are going through right now.. Listen we all make mistakes and sometimes deserve a second chance, but when we repeat mistakes most likely we have not learned our lesson. He needs to learn his lesson, you or no other woman is a punching bag. If you put your hands on someone else there are consequences. Even a child knows that!! You can't worry about his friends they are not looking out for you they're looking out for him. You are exactly right what about you? Now is the time to take care of you!! If he wants a lesser charge let him hire a lawyer and fight that in court, it is out of your hands now! Focus on taking care of you!!

  • Because jail doesn't solve anything. It only makes people angrier. So yeah maybe your safety is in good hands now that he's in the system. But I know here in Canada you don't get too long when your a woman beater or a rapist. He's need anger management which he probably won't get in jail. He most likely will only do this to the next broad. When your in a dangerous situation you have a few options. You call the police wreck that persons life with a criminal record. Or you get the fuck out and have them personally remove him if it's your place or stay with a friend or a relative. I have been beat before but never Called the cops matter of fact I ended up in jail. Cops don't always solve everything neither does jail. He can get a restraining order against him. But you probably feel guilty because you loved him and probably miss him despite the violence

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yeah but my friends and family all say he made his bed he must lay in it now. But the look on his face when I saw him court was heart breaking and now he was hospitalized a few times and his heart is inflamed and they're being pricks in there not giving him what he needs. Like I can't eat anything can't even sleep in are bed without crying hysterically but luckily my son is with his grandparents till I gather my self and can return to work.

    • The fact that he cheated on you alone makes him scum. And then he's beating you. Probably because he's feels guilty and he's taking it out on you. It's exhausting leading a double life

    • Yeah this is all sickening he's trying to get in touch with his brothers whos an NFL player to post the bail. I thought going out with my friends the other night would help but it really didn't

Loading...