Girls, My ex doesn't want to lose me and wants to be friends. Will doing so get me stuck in the friend zone forever?

So my girlfriend and I more or less began breaking up 2 months ago. It was not because she did not love me, was not happy with me, or didn't see a future with me, in fact she saw more of a future with me than she had ever seen with anyone else. She has been in back-to-back relationships for 9 years. She has a lot of work to do to feel like she can stand on her own, not need anyone to be happy. She wants that for her life right now, she doesn't want to be with anyone, imagine a future with anyone. She doesn't know what the future has and is quite confused honestly. Recently she told me she is unsure if she is in love with me anymore, but still loves me. She said she doesn't know anything anymore. Hoping for a future or even thinking about the idea of being with me confuses her and distracts her from being independent, so she is letting go of the idea of me. Through all of this we have gradually gone from basically still together except not spending as much time together to seeing her once in the last month. Until yesterday we had never gone an entire day without talking. She tells me often I am very important to her and a permanent fixture in her life. She says she/we just need time and space so that we can be friends. She really doesn't want to lose me and can't imagine life without me. I have been clear that I can never be a normal friend because I will always love her and want more. She feels bad but keeps pleading she just wants to be friends. I could not handle being her friend if she started to date some other guy which I have said, and she said she doesn't want anyone and is not doing that. I don't want to lose her, and honestly, I could not be in her life if there was 0% chance of us getting back together. My concern is whether to be her friend, and if so to what extent? I don't want to get stuck in the friend zone. I don't want her to stop viewing me as more than a friend. What do I do?


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What Girls Said 2

  • I think you just have an ultimatum: either you be her friend or you don't. Right now, you can't stick around just to please her when you know that any "single" thing she does will break your heart, and it's selfish of her to expect you to endure something so hurtful. If she wants space, then it's ok to give her the full repercussion of that request. I'm sure you don't want to lose her, but in a way, you already have and you just have to let go. Trust me, it's not that she doesn't want to be in a relationship, she just doesn't want one with YOU. I promise, when the guy we really want comes along, we get ready, even if we weren't before. You just have to accept that you aren't that person (at least right now) and decide what to do with that information.

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  • You will just be hurting yourself, let her go

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