I have a problem letting go in the first month or two after a relationship is over. Is this good or bad? Should I stop?

I realised that I tend to go the extra mile to prove to the girls in my last two and most recently third relationships that we should stay together and work things out. For my most recent ex, I sent her love emails and texts puring my heart out but after a while it seemed like my words were't making my point so I decided to use my actions. I dropped off a card and a box of chocolates with her neighbor to surprise her, I took the train and bus for about an hr to go surprise her with a dozen roses at her office. Later in the week, I sent her some custom candy that said I loved her but I haven't gotten any encouraging responses. My point is, I realised that I have done this for each ex and its a lot of effort from me but it doesn't seem to work out in my favor in the end. Are my actions bad or good? Should I stop and why?


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What Girls Said 1

  • I don't know what the reasons are for the breakups but if they are not willing to work it out with you at all then there's not a lot you can do. I'm sure you're doing your best to get them to stay, and some girls are willing to give it another shot but if it hasn't worked for you after 3 ex relationships it seems like maybe you've done something so bad to them that it's unforgivable or hard to forgive. I think it just depends on the situation and the girl

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What Guys Said 1

  • No bro... You need to stop.
    The funny thing is, you sound exactly like me... I too have had a terrible time "letting go", yet this has been a reoccurring theme for me throughout my life.
    "Going the extra mile at the end", as you put it... from my experience, never works out... And the hardest part is, you really mean it and you're really putting your heart on your sleeve... It hurts, a lot.
    And while for some girls/women... You may get them to turn around for a minute... For whatever the reason they left or decided to break it off... is not necessarily a reflection of you or anything you did wrong, the hardest thing to accept is sometimes things just don't work out, and you can't work things out with everyone.
    Nothing stings worse than the sting of rejection, especially if you have feelings of love for someone and find they cannot or do not reciprocate those feelings.
    I don't know and I can't say whether your actions are "good or bad"... but, if you spill your heart to someone and they don't feel the same way, there's nothing you can do to change that I've learned.
    I would say in this context your motives are good... You wanted to salvage a relationship for someone you loved, so you made an effort to try.
    In another context your motives, no matter how altruistic, makes you look weak and desperate, and while most women may sympathize with you to some extent not wanting to hurt your feelings, it makes them lose respect for you in the end, which is why you have not gotten the responses back that you had hoped for.
    I think it's good that you have started to review your past history... And noticed this reoccurring theme, this gives you the opportunity to try something different.
    I recently was going through another cycle with the break up from a girl that I was engaged to marry... I brought her back around a few times... But her head and your heart is not in the place that I need it to be and I can't change that... my communication level is way above hers which is most of the frustration because I cannot figure out where she's coming from... what I realized is I need someone who is capable of complex communication, someone that has similar thoughts and feelings about the world and how things work in the world... so our last conversation... Or rather my one way communication to her was a "thank" you for all that she has shared with me before things went sideways.
    The only thing you can do is learn from your past mistakes and try something different the next time

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