Me and my girlfriend has been dating for 2 1/2 years, living together for 2. She is the only child and I have two brothers. She has a tendency of invalidating my opinion. Growing up, my family never taught me how to make my own decisions and grew up a timid child. As I got into my relationship, I've made it very clear that all I wanted is her respect and to let me have an opinion. For example, I like to weigh the pros/cons when we have to make a big decision. I'll decide and she's turn around and choose opposite of what I chose. I'll get very upset about it and she wants to have a pity party when I get in her ass about it. Even when choosing going out to eat, she wants me to pick. I'll pick a place and she tells me anywhere else but there, she does this more than once. It's obvious that she is spoiled. Not only does she do this to me, she does this to her mother also. Her mother told me to stand up for myself and don't take her shit. I've done that after she did the same shit about making a decision and I chewed her ass out about it in public. I've been sleeping on the couch for the past few days because I'm tired of getting ran over. She asks me what she should do after I clearly pointed out what was wrong. This is something she needs to fix on her own, she needs a reality check because it could be worse. What should I do? Stay and work it out? Leave?
Most Helpful Girl
It all depends on whether or not she's willing to work on things. If you have an open discussion about your issues and she makes no effort to change leave. If she tries and makes an effort be patient. You can't expect someone to become aware and sensitive to your needs over night, but if they try and get better with time it shows they respect you and want the relationship to work.
She does sound spoiled. This can be tricky because she's probably used to getting her way, and may not see how her actions effect you. Or worse: she may not care. She needs to learn that no one is so entitled to treat others this way, and that having standards and opinions are one thing, but trampling your significant other is something else entirely. You two don't sound balanced in the least. You're a people pleaser and she's one that always expects to be pleased. These relationships never end well. Really talk to her, and if you don't see any effort on her end in a weeks time you may have to cut her loose. There are plenty of women out there who would do anything for a nice guy. Keep telling yourself that.. Just because someone desires you, does not mean that they value you.0
Most Helpful Guy
After reading your question, I'm not sure "she" is the problem.
As a non-sexual non-M/F example, I'll run you through the story of me and my father. My father "retired" when he was 42. While every other family was helping their children out with higher education, starting a business, buying a home, etc., my father was "fishing," "enjoying life," and "taking it easy, not like all those other idiot workaholics." As he reached age 55, he started having health problems, and reached the point where he would make excuses for the medical care he couldn't afford. I could have helped him financially, and I could have been there for him emotionally. Instead, I gave him tough love. I cut off all contact. He wasn't even invited to my wedding, and I flat-out told him it was because I was "ashamed" of him and of the idea of proudly presenting him to the world as my father. He tried to "guilt-trip," and all those other tools of the trade for people who have a "need" to develop those tools in order to "survive." But they didn't work, not because he wasn't good, but because I was too strong for that crap. He needed a teacher, he didn't need a son at that point in his life. When he realized that his guilt-trips couldn't extract money from me, his "survival strategy" (he realized) was failing to give him the sense of security he had hoped for. So, he "needed" to find a new survival strategy, which involved finding a job and going back to work.
Harsh? Who cares? The point is, it was effective and made him into a better human being, and now I have a healthy relationship with my father - and I can actually feel proud of my father. That's all I wanted, and I did what I had to do in order to get what I wanted. That's what men do, and they can sleep easy at night no matter how "harsh" or "impolite" the means, because at their core, their motives are not malicious or selfish.
The ONLY person that's to blame here... is you. You are not a person. You are basically looking to her for direction, and she is looking to you for direction. When she doesn't find direction from you, the "gets angry" and "acts out." She challenges you and intentionally emasculates you, out of anger towards you, and when you let it happen, she gets even more angry at you. Why angry? Because you don't make her feel safe and secure, she to fill that void, she has to get her fix of validation about her social/manipulative power by taking your balls.1
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