How can I get over him for good?

Dated a guy for two years. Loved him, met family and friends, talked marriage. Then we started fighting constantly. He said he was "exhausted" and we agreed to break up. Returned his things and didn't hear from him for three weeks.

After three weeks, he texted me a question. I'd implemented no contact and ignored him. Two weeks after he texted to ask me a question. Not knowing what the question was, I thought maybe he needed something (forgot belongings at my house, or work-related because we were coworkers, but I've left the company). He asked questions about what went wrong, and I first said I didn't have time (I was busy) but basically that I'm not here to help him become a better man for the next girl. I ended up giving in (my big mistake) and answering his question. Then, the next day, he asks if we can get together for a few drinks sometime. I said no, that I'm not ready to be friends, and he told me to call him if I change my mind.

As I see it, he is only reaching out to see if I will be his friend, or friend with benefits. I'm dying inside because I loved this man and fully expected a proposal one day (without pressuring it out of him - which I know is an awful thing to do). He is happily living life, seeing friends, etc. I have also invested myself heavily in hobbies, friends, family, and counseling. But my sadness and disappointment seem all-consuming, especially since I stupidly answered his texts.

I will never be able to be friends with him. I will always want more.

How can I get over this insensitive man who has wasted so much of my love and time, FOREVER? I was doing so well until he contacted me, and then hope strung me out to sea and left me there to drown in my own stupidity.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Just all contact, and remove all existence of him from your life, block his number etc.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I assume you broke up not too long ago? It's entirely normal to still feel hurt, confused, angry, sad, etc. I know that it seems like you'll always want more from him, but that won't be the case. You're doing it right by cutting off contact. There will be times when you feel good and then suddenly you'll feel like you're back to feeling like you did weeks ago, this could be prompted by anything (as in this case, by him contacting you). It really just takes time. You will notice that you think about him a little less every day, and eventually you'll look back and you won't quite understand why you were so down because of this person. You yourself say he is insensitive, so objectively, he is not a great loss. I've been entirely heartbroken a couple of times and always felt like I'll never completely get over these guys. But I did. I couldn't be MORE over them.

    As for him wanting to be friends: that is completely selfish. He doesn't want to be with you, but also isn't willing to let go of you completely. Been there, done that. I've sworn to myself that the next time a guy breaks up with me and expects me to remain friends, I will tell him no, or that I'll drop him a line once I'm over him (in like a year). My last ex gave me the "I really still like you a lot and want to be friends". I agreed and in hindsight, I realise it would have been a million times better for me to cut the cord entirely when he said he wasn't interested in a relationship any longer. But I stayed, and we stayed "friends", I say "friends" because he still flirted with me, said things like "maybe one day we can be more again" and thereby awakened hope in me which prevented me from moving on. To cut a long story short: this lasted for a little over a year. Exactly until he met a new girl and suddenly, my "friendship" didn't mean a thing to him anymore and he cut me off. He didn't even say anything. Just ignored me. I found out months later (and not even from him) that he was seeing someone and suddenly I understood that he never cared about my friendship, just wanted to keep me on the back-burner until he found someone new.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 5

  • ... I was doing so well until he contacted me... Insensitive man who has wasted so much of my love and time, FOREVER?
    You Basically have Answered your own Questions here, dear, and you are right when you said a Mouthful "I'm not ready to be friends."
    He Obviously is pulling at your heart strings so do Not make yourself his Enabler for What he really is seeking now and this is "Friends with benefits."
    You said so yourself that he is 'Happily living life, seeing friends, etc.' But one thing he IS Missing and this is the Kissing and the history you both shared and he wants his cake and eat it Two. I do not believe he wants to be two birds of a feather who stick Entirely together.
    Tell him you are busy, you are sorry and you will be in touch ONLY when your clear your Schedule... Have a nice day.
    Once you push the button on your end to Push a few of His, you will Not have him eating out of your hand, he will just Have... The Upper hand, this man.
    Good luck. xx

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  • You'll get over him, sooner or later. I am in a similar situation right now: my ex whom I loved as a person and as a lover is trying to butt back in my life for the 5th time. I moved on and met someone else I absolutely adore, but I still feel nostalgic of what I had with my ex. He probably wants you as a friend or friend with benefits, as you said so accurately. You are very aware of your emotional needs and that's an awesome skill, which is even more awesome! =D
    As a solution to your problem, you should just cut all contact with him (no answer to texts and such). Also, let him see that you moved on and are happy. That's what I did, he still butted in anyways, but I do my best to ignore him and stay emotionally "distant" from him. I don't know what he wants, but whatever it is, I won't allow it because he's gonna take advantage of it. So just stay away from him! And condition your mind to get over him, it's nothing more but a decision. Live your life and everything will fall back into place.

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  • The best way to get over someone emotionally is to

    1) Write a list of everything you didn't like about him
    2) Find someone new
    3) All of the other things you're already doing (focusing on yourself and hobbies, etc)

    But #2 is THE best way that I have found to get over someone... Just make sure that he is better than your ex (in terms of having the qualities that you want), and don't go for just anyone/ the first guy who shows interest in you

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  • You just have to get out there and starting dating. When you catch yourself thinking about him redirect your thoughts or snap a rubber band on your wrist.

    Dating won't be fun at first but it will help you to regain some self confidence seeing plenty of men want to date you. Also maybe read- What If Buddha Dated

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  • No contact means no contact-even if they text you their house is on fire. You always regret it-as you do now. Go back to no contact--time will heal you.

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