What would make a man be hateful to you when he's the one who cheated?

We were together for 10 years. He cheated with an absolutely trashy girl, a lot less attractive than I am which is confusing enough. We were having problems right before but were working it out. When I found out and confronted him he went ballistic, called me horrible names, insulted me, changed his number and blocked me on Facebook. We have 3 dogs together which are like our kids. I asked his mom to ask him if he would take one of the dogs for the weekend because she wasn't eating, obviously upset about the change. He said no, that HE wanted nothing to do with ME, and if that meant losing his dogs then so be it. I'm confused, I'm the one who should be angry, hurt and disgusted. Any advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I feel sorry for you *internet hugs* lol. Anyway it's mainly psychological. I learnt in A-level Psychology that when someone does something or feels bad about themselves for instance cheating they project there feelings onto the other person. E. g. If someone feels guilty for cheating for example. They subconsciously suggest that you caused them to cheat to protect themselves from the unconscious part of the brain which is where the honest truth is located in the brain. He reacts like that to blame you for his behavior and it's his coping mechanism for dealing with the guilt of cheating. He's suppressing his problems and for him to cope mentally he finds ways of making you at fault. So he's probably thinking in his mind "ohh she didn't give me enough bjs" or she didn't want sex as much so she's selfish. Random things like this.

    The human brain has 5 defence mechanisms this one is called Projection.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It seems to me, @andreah, that he got Caught Red handed and became Red faced as well and as Hell, with his hand in someone else's cookie jar and is Feeling the Hate because he Blames You in his own Guilty ridden way for Having to go out And... Cheat with an absolutely trashy girl.
    You both may have been having some problems where you were Airing some dirty laundry at home and along with the dog's poop you Now have to Scoop up because of what he has done, it caused him to 'Do the dirty' by being this Cheat Sheet, whom I am sure you know Now, you can never trust as far as you can throw, not even to dump the garbage.
    She may have had some 'Less attractive' Qualities that he had found Enlightening, and even though in the midst of 'Working it out,' he could have been yapping to this stray and you never even knew it, who knows. It's obvious he wanted his cake and eat it Two.
    Now it seems that he is finding the Cowardly lion way out by not only going 'Ballistic,' and Changing this and Blocking That, he is Sticking it to you by Handing More of his Dirty works over to you with his own Dogs, who Unlike him... Are Not in the dog house and don't deserve to have this taken and twisted up their own tails.
    Ditch him and don't allow him to dig up anymore bones for you. Bury him, give him his walking papers, his little doggie has barked up the wrong tree and will always end Up... Throwing you to the dogs every time.
    Good luck. xx

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What Guys Said 2

  • Yes, you are totally right you have every right to be angry and upset with him, but for some reason you aren't that angry with him. I don't understand why do you still wish to keep talking to him? anyways that's your choice. However I would suggest don't contact him until he reaches out to you, don't contact until he at least apologizes to you for what he has done.

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  • Well first off, yes he is a dick for cheating. His attacking you sounds like the explosion of years of pent up frustrated anger and frustration at you. Sounds like he was mad at you for a long time, but just didn't communicate it. Maybe there was a common theme to your disagreements.

    If the dog isn't eating sounds like something for the vet.

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What Girls Said 4

  • You are right to be confused. So would I if I were I your shoes. My experience has taught me that cheaters are also cowards (that's the reason they cheat in the first place) so his anger is a defense mechanism. If the way he is acting hurts you then you should stay away and try to distract yourself, and he will suddenly realise that you are not paying attention to him and he will panic and seek you out to talk... eventually
    I am so sorry you are going through this and that he is being such a pussy about it... You deserve better, so he either changes and earns your trust again or he will be left behind.
    In case things don't work out, remember that its never too late to start over... And what happens is the best that could happen. Good luck and lots of love from a girl who is just beginning to put her life back toghether after an cheater tore her apart

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  • It's called blame shifting. Cheaters use that method in order to free themselves of their guilt.

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  • He sounds like a dick. Just try talking to him once he's calmed down maybe

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  • You aren't the first to observe this phenomenon, and you won't be the last. If you haven't yet, you should read this article: www.huffingtonpost.com/.../...ated-a_b_805510.html

    My advice to you is that you cut him off. I know there are the dogs and you still want him to see them. But he made it clear he doesn't want that. Not right now anyway. Maybe at some point in the future he will be ready, but let him come to you when/if that happens. Stop all communication. This guy has wronged you, and yet you're the one trying to make things better while he continues to be rude. No. No way. Keep your dignity and stop attempting to fix something that you haven't broken.

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