What are my chances of getting him back? Please read.

OK ill try and sum this up the best I can. Me and my boyfriend have been together for three and half years, feels like forever though. We've had are ups and downs but for the most part we both really loved each other, were there for one another it was great, but sometime after we moved in together and my daughter was born a year and a half ago, we just argued like every other day over nonsense I honestly don't even remember what, I was very insecure he was my first , he's been with plenty girls before me so I would get mad seeing him looking at girls curse him out just really insecure at times, then I found out he had been talking o girls here and there on the phone behind my back. He said it was nothing consistent and he did it becuz he liked the attention he never took it further than a few conversations though. Now this I forgave him for and tried to understand considering that I did hold back a lot in the relationship, it was my first one and I'm a very shy person I never even called him baby! and when he messed up I really came down on him for everything!

So about a year ago are daughter got sick was in the hospital for quite sometime, and we lost are apartment we lost a lot, so its been pretty hard and stressful and we've been arguing even more, So my boyfriend told me he wanted a break he's tired of the drama and stress he still loves me but he doesn't think we are good for each other right know and we both have a lot to work on. I have been so depressed he was my whole life! and know I never see him he doesn't call , he said he needs space he doesn't feel the same anymore and he doesn't know what he wants. (part of this has to do with me putting my friends before him he says!, and I guess after I found out he called other girls I continued to hold that against him and treat him bad , like dissing him for my friends which is very true.) But I have done a lot for him.

We have been going through this for like two weeks know, and I told him I finally realize that I should have changed my ways, but he's not hearing it, he just wants a break he says maybe in the future we will be together again but right know he doesn't think we should! . . . is there anything I can do? Is it really over? What are the chances of him coming back and realizing that over all I really do love him and will change? Did I burn my bridges once and for all?

Ive been trying to not call and just let him be butt its very difficult, it hurts!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If he's your everything you have to treat him as such. He should be the second most important person in your life only second to your daughter. Try writing him a letter unmarked and explain how you really feel. Put the sugar in it; pour on the love. As far as overcoming jealousy, I've been there. It's even worse with postpartum depression which can last for 3 years. If you want your relationship to work you have to forget the past and move toward the future. In the future if he's not threatening your relationship let him look, let him talk, and let him have his freedom. Don't smother him because he still has rights to be himself w/out you breathing down his neck so to speak. It is hard to look at everything with an open mind but after the first month I became a changed woman. I no longer care about him looking or talking to other women because I trust him when he says I love you.

    I also blew him off for my friends. They weren't even real friends really. They were online friends. Now that your eyes have been opened and you truly see what he feels you need to tell and show him that you're sorry. Show him that he's what is important to you. Love him like he should be loved and if you don't want him to go show him. Not for just a week, a month, or even 1 year. It's a constant thing. Don't give him reason to take a second glance because you're what he has to come home to.

    Best of Luck to you friend.

    Bnwsmile

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • It seems you both have baggage and that takes work to sort out or even counselling and unless you are both ready it may be time for a solid split. The future will have to lived in order to find out if you two were truly meant to be together or not: there's no real magic or crystal ball.

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  • Let him think things through, he has allot on his mind remember patience is a virtue.

    It`s been two weeks, wait 2 weeks longer and don`t go begging to him.

    You won`t want him remembering you as a nagging woman while he is thinking things trough and why he is going back to you.

    In the meantime you should do some things that would calm you down and think about your life.

    After those two weeks you should go up to him and hang out as friends.

    Show him what he liked about you in the first place and the reason why he married you.

    Then take it up slowly from there not to quick. And eventually aks him to move in again.

    Now you should work on your relationship. Ask yourself what are we arguing about?

    How can we improves our relationship?

    Like go out more with each other do something romantic or something fun for BOTH.

    Maybe you should try something new in bed. That improves allot of thing.

    Make a list of those. Don`t go showing him that list :D Work on how you BOTH can deal with those problems/improvments

    Next time wen you argue about something don`t go all screaming, keep your voice calm eventually he will to.

    I hope he isn`t some kind of douchebag.

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  • i know how you feel, my ex girlfriend left me to get marry with some other random guy because I wasn't ready to get marry. I'm hurt from it too. but sometime you have to let your pride down. especailly startin a life with a person. we all will struggle because no one is ready for that step. all I could say is give him time. if he truly love you, he will come back

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  • Ya, this ain't going to work. Just move on.

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What Girls Said 5

  • the hurt could be there for a long time and thier is nothing you can do but wait. try to stay busy and put stuff passed you when you think of him. like don't callhim or text him or have any contact at all. let him think you don't care and when it bothers you write it all down in a journal. don't call him but whatever you would say to him on phone if you did put in this journal. go out with your friends and learn about your daughter. take this time to know who you are again because right now being with him is not good. guys like girls with confidence and an attitude of they watch out for there friends. down the road some were you began to change and built a wall of insecureties. break that wall down girl and be YOU. go find out who YOU are again and you don't need him to find out who that YOU is. I wish the best for you and I hope this helps

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  • Give him the space he has requested and you take the time and concentrate on you and your daughter. she needs a mom right now that is strong not one falling into a depression. Regardless of what you and him are going through, she is the most important and he needs to at least see her a couple times a week and pick up the phone to talk to HER!

    Things will work out the way they are suppose to, and this likely isn't going to happen over night.

    Work on your personal self, your esteem, your jealousy, everything, even try councelling for yourself, show him you are trying to change for the better, to be the person he fell in love with..then, if he is willing, go to couples councelling. Leave him be for now, but make sure he dosnt ignore his child!

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  • oh hon. Yes, there is a chance, especially since you have a child together. I know you are not perfect, but his leaving is not your fault, he shouldn't be talking to other women. You are fine to be worried, it is something to be worried about.

    Sounds like you both need time to heal and deal. He may need more time, guys are just immature especially under pressure. Hopefully he steps up to the plate and stands by both you and your daughter and becomes a guy that doesn't hide other girl friends, and bails on you when the going gets tough.

    For now, focus on your daughter and you. Get support, take care of yourself, body soul and mind. Men are more attractive to balance and power then neediness and emotion. Fake it. Cry in your pillow, then put on a brave face.

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  • Well, for the first part...guys will ALWAYS look at other girl. It does not mean they will cheat or whatever..if they are with you it's cause they want to be no on said they had to. So you need to accept that. It's okay to feel insecure at times but acting on it is a really bad idea. Men want a woman with a strong confidence level, even if you have to fake it at times it's sexy to them...but cussing him out about it was really really wrong. it probably turned him off pretty bad. As for him, he's an idiot for talking to other girls behind your back. Anyway in short (cause I do want to help) if he says he wants a break he most likely doesn't want to get back together. It's better to accept that you will never be with him aagin. Do what's best for you and your daughter. That's all that matters.

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  • You should never make a man your whole life. You have your daughter to take care of, and she depends on you. SHE should be your priority. Work on yourself (and being a strong role model for her), and THEN worry about getting him back.

    Sometimes people need to see how we've changed before they try dating someone again. This may be the case. It'll be challenging, but it does get easier.

    Best of luck!

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