If it's not PHYSICAL cheating, is it STILL cheating?

this isn't anything from my life but it happened to a friend of mine a while back, and I just want to see what people think about this.

people: Girl, Guy who likes girl (call him Gary)- and she knows he likes her but she has a boyfriend and would never cheat on him, Guy2 who happens to be the boyfriend of a friend of hers (not the girl's). Let's call him uuh Jim.

Anyways, Girl doesn't see her boyfriend often because they go to different universities. Gary goes to her school and is in some of her classes and they hang out once in a while- see a movie, go to lunch, etc. Always as friends.

Setting: Girl and Gary watch a movie in her dorm room with the lights out and on her bed (there is only the desk chair and frankly those are really uncomfortable. Actually she has a roommate but she wasn't there at the time). There is no physical contact, they are just watching the movie in the dark alone in there.

I can't obviously say 100% that absolutely nothing more than friendly happened of course since it didn't happen to me and I wasn't there. But I knew the situation quite well, she was a good friend who I know quite well, and since it was a while ago, even if she didn't tell me then, by now she would've told me if more had happened.

Meanwhile, Jim (who is visiting his own girlfriend, who is not me, but another friend of ours; and who also happens to be quite insecure about people cheating on him), INSISTS that Girl is in the wrong and cheating on her boyfriend - not even in the physical sense. He insists that just being alone with another guy in the dark room, watching a movie, is in itself cheating, and that somebody needs to tell her boyfriend about this.

Now, do you think Jim is right? Is she in the wrong? Why?

p.s. She did at that time, as it was first year, feel doubts about her long-distance relationship and was open to the idea of meeting new people, but she would also have never actually cheated- basically acted on anything while still in a relationship. (In case this information sways your answer.)

I've added a poll since not everyone who reads this will feel like writing out an answer, but if you don't necessarily agree with the poll options, or have more to add, feel free!

  • Yes, being in that room was cheating
    Vote A
  • No, being in that room was NOT cheating
    Vote B
  • Not only being in the room, but in general hanging out with this guy so much, knowing he liked her, IS cheating
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
by the way, I just want to say, please try to see this in an outsider perspective, which I guess is also mine (I have had friends who have cheated, and I do not condone cheating), and not thinking of how you would feel if she was your girlfriend (biased)


Most Helpful Girl

  • No, I don't think she was cheating. First of all, you said that there was no physical contact; if they were cuddling, that would be totally different. So, no I wouldn't call that cheating. Hope that helps:)


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What Guys Said 3

  • Its not cheating, but the boyfriend won't like it at all.

    • Oh I agree. he's obviously never liked this friend, and ironically, now there is a similar situation on his end where there is a girl from his hometown who leaves him lots of msgs with hearts, etc. (she blatantly likes him and he denies it), hangs out with him a lot, and my friend is jealous and gets angry about it, even though she knows he wouldn't actually cheat on her. It's role reversal

  • This is like the most elaborate "happened to my friend" -camouflage I have ever seen on this site. There's still room for improvement in that you repeat yourself saying this didn't happen to you, while the narrative reveals an emotional involvement far beyond what an ordinary bystander would develop, and it is particularly uncharacteristic of you, personally.

    "Jim (who is visiting his own girlfriend, who is not me, but another friend of ours; and who also happens to be quite insecure about people cheating on him), INSISTS that Girl is in the wrong and cheating on her boyfriend"

    Who would have written a passage that in such a way betrays the kind of petty anger which petty arguments arouse if not a person who was party to such an argument? No-one.

    Oh, and it's not cheating imo, at least if your account is truthful and not... "streamlined".

    • I am 100% serious that this did not happen to me. When I repeated it the second time, it's because I said boyfriend of her friend, and since I said she was mine friend, I didn't want to get it confused with my boyfriend.

      Petty anger because I hated Jim. He wasted over 2 years of my friend's life, who was my roommate and I spent so much time in the middle of the night trying to get her to stop sobbing. What's more he lived in our dormroom illegally for over 2 weeks. I hated the SOB

    • Also, if it was about me, I would've just made an anonymous question instead of saying it was a friend's story... I don't like asking personal questions non-anonymously, although I guess the account itself is anonymous since no one actually knows who I am anyways.

    • Wait wait, I didn't read your whole response past camouflage. uncharacteristic of me? you don't really know me. And it was to an extent an emotional involvement. as mentioned before I haaated Jim, and also the Girl is one of my close friends. On the other hand, I wasn't that close to her when this happened so I would say I was mostly neutral on the issue. I think physical cheating is the only kind of real cheating.

  • Cheating is in the mind long before it's actually done.

    That situation sounds innocent enough, though.

    I can't agree with Jim. I don't like to call names, but 'Puritan' comes to mine.


What Girls Said 1

  • Most guys aren't going to be ok with that, but it's definitely not cheating yet. It's right on the borderline that means those two need to have a talk.

    • Talk about what?

    • Show All
    • Ok, ok, I know what life is and how hard it is to make relationships work. But if a girl is having doubts, it's long distance, and she's close to a guy friend with a crush on her, that doesn't sound like a good situation and it does need to be acknowledged by the guy friend. It takes a special kind of couple to make long distance work, which apparently they are, but I never said "this relationship was doomed."

      If this happened three years ago and everything worked out, what's the problem?

    • There is no problem :S as you can see, I asked for opinions....

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