Why are many people hurtful TOWARDS their exes?

I see this a lot where the person's involved will even start insulting their ex and keep trying to put them down. Others will pull heartstrings...

I don't understand. Okay, so the relationship didn't work. Now what's the point in making them feel worse? If one's ex was truly bad, they should just ignore them and especially if the relationship was good, but it just doesn't work out - then especially it just seems petty. If anything, you should be compassionate towards your ex realizing that it's not just hard for you, it's hard for them too, because if they dumped you, then they're asking for it or if you dumped them... well we all know how difficult that position is.

If anything, especially if the relationship was objectively good before and there were just some functioning issues, I'd be understanding and emphatic realizing that they're going through a very difficult time as well and maybe even be supportive. And what makes it really difficult is that most of the outside world doesn't really understand. It just seems cruel to make it a contest of who gets over who faster or when the parties involved start hurting each other. Like why? Why put down someone you used to love?

And this is coming from someone who's never been in a relationship or a breakup... but I have respect for how much a breakup is going to be devastating and I am one of the last people you're going to see belittle the issues of those going through a breakup, simply because from what I hear, it's terrible!


Most Helpful Girl

  • Because the one who broke up apparently wasn't willing to work things out or didn't wasn't in it as much as the other half was, and that makes them look like everything was fake. It is really hard (especially after you've been with someone for years and shared your whole life with them) to accept that it was all nothing. We are all humans and we are made that way, to blame someone or something, even ourselves. We must make things logical. And since the dumpee was in it more, blaming the dumper is the only logical reason left.
    But I agree, we shouldn't. We shouldn't blame someone for nothing being same as we, we all grew up differently and life made us the way we are. That same life made the dumper the way he/she is and if we need to blame then we should blame everything and everyone that dumper interacted with from the day he/she was born.
    I stayed in good relations with all my exes because none of them we a bad people. It just happened to happen the way it was. I say we were right in the wrong time. However, the only one I used to blame and be a bitch to was my recent ex. He broke up with me because of the distance and it broke my heart. It was my first true love and I was very hurt. I was thinking rationally but I'm not sorry. He didn't deserve it but at the time it was what I felt doing. I apologized and he forgave me. I am still disappointed and sad that he turned out to be a less of a man, but I don't hate him, in fact I still love him and I hope for the best for him. He had some issues and I hear he started fixing them, so I'm glad. If we ever close the distance and live in the same town, I would love to get back in touch with him and give our love a new start, a real start.
    I never thought I could feel such a rage towards someone after the breakup but it did happen and I can't really explain why. There's a first time for everything I guess. But since it didn't last long it means I didn't really mean it. People just cope differently with break ups.
    The only exceptions are partners that we emotionally or physically abusive, cheaters and manipulators who planned it all from the start - those fuckers deserve to be hated forever. Besides that, no reason to hold a grunge against ex, they made your life better at the time after all...


Most Helpful Guy

  • They do this because they are in pain, but really they are only drawing the pain out further, sometimes people like to be miserable.

    I try my best to hold to a rule of no interaction with my exes regardless of how we left it. Once I break up, i'm done, I don't call or text or talk, I just check out. It's better for everyone, even the ones i'd like to smack down a notch. Funnily enough, this is often one of the most irritating things a person can do to another, but that's not why I try to hold to this rule.


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What Girls Said 2

  • They do that becouse they have issues and insecurities of there own, and to put someone eles down, in this case there x, is somehow making them selfs feel better with whatever insecuries they have of them selfs. Maybe the aggressor is trying to put the x partner down to make them feel unwanted or unworthy of anybodys eles love but the aggressors. Forcibly and mentally abusing them to think the aggressor is the only capible one of loving them. Which is absolutely not true and they should stay farrrr farrr away. This is why they are called "x" for a reason.

  • well one of the main reasons people are mean to there ex's is that they have caused them so much emotional pain they want revenge. It really hurts to get hurt by someone but it hurts even more to get hurt by someone you used to love and trust. Losing that love and trust you have with that person, breaking that bond is one of the most horrible and horrific experiences the average person can have. So when you get hurt like that who are you gunna take it out on? the person who hurt you! although the more mature thing to do would be to forget them and move on some people just can't do that. Being mean to that person can also help you move on from that relationship. It's just one for the first stages of a break up.


What Guys Said 1

  • They are hurtful because they are still hurting themselves so they want you to feel like crap right along with them.

    I could write a book on all the things women have done & said to me over the years. Some is quite comical.


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