Dealing with the hostile ex - How do you deal with taking of things? ... long, tough question - are you bracing yourself?

What would you do if your kids borrowed something when they headed off to your ex's (around the $100 value) and didn't bring it back right away? What if once they brought it back your ex demanded you pay for it or return it (remember you own it) - and your kids were aware of the situation (they knew it was yours and that your ex is telling your you'd best give it back - and your kids are afraid of your ex when they get like this)? If your ex was super hostile would you just give it back and avoid the conflict or stick to what's right so your kids didn't get the impression that the bully wins even when they are in the wrong? Would you stick to your principles and not give them/pay them for something you already own to show the kids that's the proper approach or just cave and give your stuff to them when they become rude and demanding because the cost is small relative to the disruption to your life the ex will assuredly cause?

BTW: ... in this scenario, your ex was physically and verbally abusive, openly cheated on you and demanded an open relationship triggering a divorce (since just one of those didn't seem to be enough)

... fiction or reality, you be the judge


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't give in--it belongs to you. You don't even owe the ex any explanation as to why they aren't getting it back. The kids will have to learn to live without this item while they are at the other parents house. Trying to placate them just to keep the peace only sets a precedent for them to get their way because they threw a fit. If they act like a child, feel free to treat them like one.

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    • I like this explanation. I agree with the viewpoint. Someone that enjoys / feels the need for / insights conflict, such as this, often will not let things like this go. At least, that has been my experience. I'm putting my evidence together and will wait to present should it become necessary. ... she's already lied to police officers and been caught by that, so we shall see how this petty thing goes. Really the question is, put up with all the effort this sort of thing brings on, or just let her get away with it. Both options have their appeal. Once clearly establishes a precedent for future misbehavior... already allowed similar things in the past because the litigation cost did not warrant the effort (easier to use the money to buy new). ... if Karma is real, I'm thinking she needs to look over her shoulder.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow sounds like what I am going through and will be going through after the divorce for exactly the same reasons. As long as she isn't living with you anymore and can't do much to you anymore I would stick to your guns as you put it and let her know she is wrong and stand up for yourself finally, something you probably were never able to do before with her

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    • Sorry to hear that. Yes, there's a calm that had been missing for quite some time, usually. These flare ups serve as a reminder of much unhappier times. I hope you're experience is equal (I mean better, much better if you count these flare ups) to mine in that regard. I might have some recommendations for you, if you aren't all the way through the proceedings. PM me if you'd like me to weigh in on that.

    • Yeah I probably will private message you later on since it sounds like you went through the same thing I'm going through

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'd tell her to get fucked

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    • Well, there's what we silently say in our mind as an initial reaction and then there's what we say officially. When you are dealing with a fragile mentality like this, uncareful phrasing is like flicking a match into a room filled with gunpowder. It's going to go off, you just can't exactly predict how the shrapnel will fly.

    • That's you, I would have said "get fucked"

  • I would tell her that it is mine, and she can't have it

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    • yet, she insists it's hers and loves conflict

    • well then fight back, you know its yours, your kids know that it is yours, SHE knows that it is yours she is just being a bitch. just curious what is it and do you have the receipt for it

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