The confusing things my ex boyfriend said?

He broke up with me 2 months ago. The reason being I was picking unreasonable fights and it just hurt him to much. I worked on the area of concern and went no contact for a month. We've been texting briefly and are going to get coffee sometime soon. The thing is... he is confusing me. Yes I want us to have another chance. Yes I still love him but I'm wondering what he means by all this. He said "all he needed was a little space. he wanted to make sure that I really am better and have the self esteem I deserve, I'm sure things would be different. I'm not going to be more than friends unless I know that's the case. It's not a promise we'll get back together. He will not be hurt like that again. It wouldn't be something he'd consider unless I really am better. He wants to be friends and be cordial and be on good terms for a while. That's the start of knowing I'm doing better." Can someone break this down for me?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • He is giving you a supportive ultimatum: he is willing to CONSIDER giving you a chance... not he is swearing he will... if he sees a big enough change in you that he sees it as possible that the relationship can mend. He isn't giving you any "If you're better I'll date you" statement because you may be "better" (as in you improved) but not 100% where you should be (meaning you could still have hiccups and struggle with past behaviours) where he'd feel comfortable enough re-entering the relationship.

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What Guys Said 1

  • It's simple: giving you another chance means taking a chance of being hurt again. He wants to know that it is a chance worth taking. He doesn't want chapter 2 to be a repeat of chapter 1.

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    • I'm quite sure how to show him I really have worked on myself for the better. I don't want to push it in his face.

    • Perhaps you should start with a sincere apology for what you put him through, an apology offered without any expectation that it will buy you any special consideration.

    • I did. I made a phone call a while back and told him how sorry I was and the things I did were not right. He said he appreciates it and then we talked about what has been going on in our lives. Also throughout texting I have told him that I know what is my fault and that he didn't deserve that. I told him I think about it everyday and someday I'll be able to forgive myself, but not today. He told me I need to stop beating myself up and that we both brought things into the relationship. It's something we need to learn from.

What Girls Said 2

  • He wants to see if you improved. He is going to stay friends with you for a while, hang out with you, and see of you really did change for better. If he sees the change then he will give it another shot. If he doesn't see the change, then no.

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  • You guys are messing around playing hide and seek with all this indecisiveness woven in. If he can't talk straight with it let it go and move on (i know its difficult but it will save you a mountain of issues). Or figure it out, get straight to the underlying issue and work together to overcome it.

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