Ex taking our 5yr daughter to new girlfriend house to spend the night?

My ex got back together with his previous baby momma immediately after we broke up a month ago. I'm fine with it for the most part except for one thing: he wants to take our 5 year old over to his girlfriends house, leave her for the night and entire next day with her older half sister who is 17. He is barely starting to get to know her so leaving our daughter w her without any adult supervision is completely wrong in my opinion. He refuses to even give me a phone number or address in case of emergency bc he says I could call her and start trouble. That's a load... I've been the one encouraging him to reach out to her for over 5 years so why would I mess that up? What should I do? He won't listen to my concerns at all and does what he wants. I'm sick over this. Help!!
Updates:
Just to clarify/ I have talked to my ex about what I feel is inappropriate regarding our daughter and his new relationship. He ignores everything I say and tells me I'm overreacting or something similar.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He's leaving his 5yr old daughter with her 17 yr old sister... I don't know either girl but unless the 5 yr old's got a list of medical conditions or the 17 yr old has a list of arrests I think your daughter will be fine. At 5 I'm certain she's pretty capable with things like using the restroom and telling people when she's hungry. At 17 I'm certain she knows the importance of paying attention to a child's safety and when to call the police. Had either girl been younger I might be worried but unless either girl is really incompetent 17 sounds fine for watching a 5 yr old for a day. On the note of him giving you contact information. I agree that you having the address and phone number is very important however at the same time although you say you'd never bother her I don't believe that as much as he probably doesn't either. You stating that he started dating her a week after you broke up tells me you find some type of issue with that time period otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it. You could say all day that you don't care and that it's fine but that doesn't mean you are. So I understand your worries about your child but it's hard to separate them from your possible worries about his relationship. It's one day with her sister although plenty could go wrong chances are nothing will and even if they did she can call her dad and WILL call her dad before calling you. So at this point if something is happening to her and her dad at the exact same time either they're having a coincidentally but unrelated super rare bad day or something tragic is happening that you probably wouldn't be able to help with any way. In this case ask him to give his daughter your information. If she needs it she'll use it. I guess what I'm saying is your concerns are right. Having information just in case is a good thing for a mother but in these specific circumstances maybe you should trust them and let it go for a little while. Chances are nothing bad will happen. Maybe just try to relax for these two days simply as a kind act towards your ex and more importantly your daughter's sister. If you stay seperated he will (and you will too) take and sometimes leave your daughter plenty of places without telling the other. There will come many days were you will not know exactly what your child is doing or where she is. You have to learn to trust your child's father and if you can't do that you should sue and easily win full child custody.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This guy is being a jerk. It's perfectly understandable why you don't want your daughter there. You don't know her and he probably barely knows her and she will be spending the night there.

    I think most parents would completely understand. I wouldn't want my kid (if I was a mom) to spend the night at someone's home who I barely knew. Especially when she is so young. And also, he's refusing to give you a number in case of emergency. That's not right. I understand he's worried you are going to start something. But if your daughter is there, you should at least know and have a way to contact her.

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What Guys Said 21

  • he sounds like a real caring sort of guy ( noooooooot!! ) there is no way on earth or from the pit of hell I would let this D BAG take my little girl and trust a kid to be responsible enough to provide her care , shit at her age its all she can do to care for herself

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  • I would think 17-year-old baby sitters are plenty capable of watching over a 5-year-old as long as they know basic first aid and all that. I personally think under 15 would be iffy. And the whole emergency contact thing is fine because your ex is the emergency contact, and you have to trust him as an independent legal guardian. Talk with a lawyer if you think there's a serious issue. No use in trying to persuade him since he probably has the final decision on that kind of thing.

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  • As long as u can reach the father, and the father can contact the woman that is watching your daughter... that should be fine.

    I understand not wanting the girlfriend and the baby mama to talk directly to each other. Just go through him!

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  • Do y'all have a court order stating he HAS to be with him? If you can prove he's not the responsible parent here, maybe record some conversations and save some texts or emails or whatever, you can get an attorney and get someone involved there. Shouldn't be leaving a young child with someone he himself barely knows if the new girlfriend is in fact NEW. Incredibly irresponsible.

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  • Do you have a legal custody agreement or is this all just informal? If there's no legal agreement then you have control and it's up to you to protect her. If there's a legal custody arrangement then you will have to go to the court to have his visitation modified.

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  • This sounds like an incredibly complicated situation between you and your ex. From what I read on your post he doesn't seem too interested in your 5 year old daughter if he's leaving her with the 17 year old half sister for well over a day. In addition to that he really has a duty of care to your child which he's neglecting as well. Shame you're unable to take him to court for sole custody!

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  • Is there a court involved in your case? If so, custody orders generally require that parents keep each other informed of whereabouts, contact phone numbers, etc.

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    • No. There's no court order. Neither one of us can afford to file or pay for an attorney so we are trying to handle it ourselves. Obviously it's not working. He uses our daughter to get to me bc he can't any other way. If I flat out did something involving our daughter that disapproved of he would FLIP OUT and make my life hell but he does it to me all the time. I know I need to take him to court but can't afford to. I'm stuck

    • Have you tried contacting legal aid or the local bar association? There are attorney's who will occasionally handle cases for no fee.

  • Well look at it this way, if he messes up/something goes wrong over there it will only entitle you to having your daughter more than him. I think you need to just sit back and let things play out.

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  • Your not overrating if i was in your shoes i wouldn't let it happen
    that girl taking care of her is age 17 , sure she's half sister, but
    that teen girl can be texting, on the computer and your daughter
    can get into anything or what happens she gets scared
    I think he is wrong for not wanting you to have contact
    heck anything can go on, just how good can that teen babysit
    i see so many red flags with him and really you need to think
    this one over for sure my mind wouldn't be at ease if i was
    in your shoes ,

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    • @VegasNewFallout What you doing being a register sex offender
      that committing crimes on this website yes you should tell people
      the truth?

  • no you're not overreacting. I completely agree with you. yes I do think that this is something that should be encouraged in the future... but not this early into his 'new' relationship and certainly not without any contact details.

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What Girls Said 18

  • He sounds like an asshole trying to be the good guy "oh look I reached out to my 17yr old on my own good whim." Why has it taken him till she's 17? But that's not the point. Anyway you're trying to be a lenient mother. Don't give him your daughter if he won't be there at all times and give you any emergency contacts and tell whoever to contact you just in case tell him to go fuck himself till he grows a pair.

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  • You're not overreacting. She is your daughter, and you have a right to know that she's safe, and to be able to contact whoever is caring for her.

    Your ex sounds incredibly irresponsible, selfish, and manipulative. Is there any way you can legally prevent him doing this? I don't know what the laws are there, but here, you could claim he is irresponsible and sue for full custody of the child.

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  • No, no, no! I have no children, so I don't think that my option holds much weight. But you are leaving a five year old ( overnights) with a 17 year old. An underage girl is going to be your daughter guardian for the night, while you ex goes off and has a nookie? What if this 17 year old decides this is a great time to have a party? Bad, bad idea! I would be not sending my daughter over. He can see her another time.

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  • Don't you want your daughter to bound with her older half sister?

    I don't understand what the issue exactly is?

    A 17 year old can take good care of a 5 year old. I was babysitting actual babies at the age of 12.

    You're making a big deal out of nothing. So I totally agree with your ex about you overreacting.

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  • Well the child is also urs remember and n matter how well their relationship is going the saftey of you child comes first. If you dont trust the woman then dont let her go, regardless. If he can't respect your worries for her saftey then thats on him.

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  • That's not appropriate. He needs to take your daughter's feelings into consideration. She barely knows these people. She's going to be scared and nervous and uncomfortable.

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  • That's completely irresponsible of him. Does he have mandated visitation?

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  • If he's not going to listen to what you say and give you the information u need don't let your daughter go.

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  • I think a five year old is probably okay under the supervision of a 17 year old, provided she is responsible. I would insist that he give her his cell phone, or a disposable phone, to use while she is there. That way she could call you anytime she wants. If he is a decent human being, he wouldn't leave his baby girl in a situation he thought wasn't totally safe. You should probably take a deep breath, and trust his judgement. (Unless he is a complete scumbag, in which case you should follow what your gut tells you).

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  • Usually the Court has something to say about rights under custody or partial custody. You write as if he has full custody = you have no power over this, only an opinion to share with Sheriff/Judge... which is that he has arranged a booty night, complete with free babysitter under a boyfriend guise. If they listen to you, then you'll get phone numbers, addresses, et al. or hold HIM in contempt of court.

    The real trouble comes when he wants to vacation her out of the USA... some don't come back.

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