Does my ex-boyfriend want me back?

Can someone please shed some light on my situation for me. So ex-boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago because we were constantly fighting and he wanted some freedom. We have remained close friends. We still hang out, have sleepovers, have sex, go to dinner, go to movies, etc. He's also started kissing me again some times. I've been working on my appearance again and started making more effort. (Not that there was anything wrong with it before except I did get lazy and put on a few kilos) He told me he didn't break up with me to be with other girls, but I think he has been talking to a couple on facebook since. I don't know if it means anything because he still spends a lot of time with me. I just need someone preferabaly a guys opinion on this situation. Does he still love me? Does he want me back wether its now or later? We have been getting along better since we broke up because we use to live together. I want to get back with him, but he hasn't mentioned getting back with me and I feel like he should be the one to bring it up not me. I made the mistake of telling him I was struggling without him and how much he still means to me and I cried infront of him which is something I didn't want to do. We have also booked a holiday together in the next 3 months.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Hi,

    Well if I am honest, the situation appears to be quite messy.

    Firstly, he breaks it off with you - however you two (with the exception of living together) continue on like nothing has happened. The sex is there, going out together remaining each other's lives as if nothing really has ever changed.

    A few things come to mind those being, he does genuinely love you and care for you and can't be without you in his life. He just needs to do a bit of growing up and be a man, and tell you!

    Another possibility is that he is possibly using you. Either knowingly or unknowingly. Subconsciously he could be scared to venture out and commit to a 'break up' which means dealing with things on his own in addition to the usual stuff like no sex, no contact, returning each other's belongings, going through the hurt\reflection\healing that comes with any relationship ending and then moving forward in life independently.

    Or he could be keeping you around, kind of a like a 'life-jacket' knowing that you will be there for him and give him everything that he wants and needs until such times as he finds someone else.

    Regardless of his reasons or motives though, it is a pretty ordinary place for you to be. As either way - you're kinda being used. It just depends on whether or not he is aware of what he is doing.

    Going off what you have read, I would go as far to say that it is certainly a possibility that he still loves and cares for you. But having said that, why he hasn't 'manned up' and had some form of a conversation with you about it and provided what you guys still have a 'label' as in 'I want a relationship with you' is anyone's guess; as none of us are him.

    What I can definitively see is that, regardless its not fair on you. Giving him some time to work out what he wants is one thing, to go on like nothing has changed for four months and expecting you to be there for him is another.

    I understand that you don't feel as though you should be the one to bring up the 'we need to talk conversation' but having said that, how much do you respect yourself? You haven't really given him a reason to sit back and think 'I need to undo this mistake and show her some respect and courtesy before its too late' have you?

    How long are you willing to remain in this state of limbo? More importantly how long are you going to stay like this without sharing with each other what caused the breakup in the first place and how you can avoid this in future.

    Best of luck

    Mick

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    • Wow thank you so much. I feel like he does still really care for me and love me, but at the same time I feel used because I just wait for the chance I get to see him again.
      I just don't know if I am able to cut him off completely because I have terrible separation anxiety so I live off the moments I get with him and I feel like this is better than nothing at all. I love him so much and I care for him just the same. He is an attractive guy and gets attention from other girls and I don't know if I should speak up and tell him I want all or nothing or just let him get out there and make up his own mind about me.

    • I can see that is a really tough spot to be in... And ultimately, it is you and only you that can make this decision and when you make that decision, you deal with the positives and negatives of it.
      Just try not to allow yourself to remain in the position you're in for too long. Without a doubt, in the event that you do have to walk away... its going to kill emotionally. But it will slowly but surely, get better. Trust me... Im two months into a breakup with someone I had asked to marry me. Initially, it was torture - but I kept reminding myself everyday, that if I couldnt be treated and respected the way I treated her... then I was going take myself out of a situation where I wasn't valued. Everybody deserves to be loved and treated with respect... including you! And in this situation, im sorry to say... you're not and only you can change that.

      Good luck

What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe he wants the benefits of a relationship but not the responsibilities I would talk the issue out with him he might be sending some mixed messages to you

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