Where should I go from here? Should I just move on?

I don't even know where to begin... My ex and I were together for a year and a half. The first year was the best thing that happened to both of us. We both felt we were each others first loves and it was both of our longest relationships, I admit we had issues but nothing was to big, he would do anything for me, and it took awhile for me to understand that but eventually I realized it and in turn would do anything for him. We did have jealousy issues as well because he was trying to be in the music industry, and I was in school, but we would always work things out he was my best friend I actually thought we had a solid relationship. We have been through thick and thin, he had lost his job last year in July and from then on was bouncing from house to house and job to job, but I stuck by him, helped him out with money, gave him rides to places he needed to go, I supported him with everything he tried to do. And the relationship grew harder because of the stress he was going through with his situation and I guess with me feeling like I was the one with the money. So he broke up with me in July of this year and said it was because I was vindictive, we had no trust and that I had given him an ultimatum (which I did not). We messed around still until Oct, but he acted totally different with me, all the feeling in his voice was gone, he treated me like I was just another girl, and I got mad, and I was getting advice from friends and family and none of it was helping. Because he wouldn't call or text me, and then a couple weeks would pass and he would text something like " I just had a dream about you and wanted to see if you were OK" I basically felt like he was playing mind games with me. But every time I would call him or text him, he would respond, he never ignored me. And my friends said it's because he knows I still have feelings for him. But I told him 3 weeks ago to stop doing that because I didn't need him to check on me or his pity, and that I was fine, and he just said OK, that he wouldn't contact me anymore. That's not what I truly wanted, I want him to show that he was still interested in me and wanted to be with me again, but the last time we tried to work it out, he said "he couldn't do it again" not right now. I mean I guess it's basically in my face that he doesn't want to be with me, but how do I let the feelings go, and how could he just forget about me? He once told me a few months ago that it was as hard for him as it was for me, but it seems stupid because he wasn't acting that way with me like the way I was acting with him. I now have basically accepted its over and nothing will come of it, but he still crosses my mind everyday, and I feel I can date now, but I don't want to because I only think of him. My emotions are all over the place, one minute I feel like he did me a favor but the other minute I feel like it's still unresolved.. So where do I go from here? Should I just keep moving on?... PLEASE HELP, THANK YOU...
also, I have not had contact with him in almost a month and he did not even send me anything about a merry Christmas or happy holidays... so... I guess I just need to let go..


Most Helpful Guy

  • These things take time, but your reaction here is correct. You have started to move on, albeit with a major twinge of regret. The thing is, he has changed and no longer has the feelings for you. It's the toughest pill to take I know but (in my experience) it tends to work in 3 phases, the order changes based on the person. Usually it's something like denial, anger and finally acceptance.

    It would seem you are still in the first phase of this process, but what you are thinking is entirely natural. When we are rejected by a partner we apparently shared love with, we still want them to love us even when it's over. Then however you realise that it's either for the best, plus at some stage you might feel angry and let down.

    It does seem like he is playing a game with you as well to a certain degree, it's not cool to text things like that to a rejected lover so I'd play it straight, keep telling him you're OK and let nature take its course.

    • Thank you so much for the insight, it definitely is hard to take, but I know I knew I just needed to keep letting go, but it's really hard, and I know things are different now, especially since he didn't even contact me for christmas or anything. it just hurts....

    • It might sound odd, but it's probably good that he didn't contact you. I received gifts from an ex lover at Christmas once and I felt odd about this because I had moved on from the relationship and wouldn't have bought her anything. It sounds harsh but as much as we were once part of each others lives, there is a very good reason why we are not now, and I felt a gift seemed a bit inappropriate, even as a peace offering. Doing it the way he has is allowing you your space to move on.

    • Thank you... I really appreciate the feedback :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • well the other guy hit it right on but I guess ill comment just to. as far as getting over it all I can say is time and friends because nothing really heals the wounds of the mind except time.

    when it comes to your ex it sounds like he was trying to keep you around as a fall back do you understand? I know you did not want to but it was best for you to tell him to leave you be. just hold fast and stay strong and you'll be alright in no time


    • Thank you for all the advice, it did help

What Girls Said 1

  • This happened to me. Once me and my ex broke up I soooo couldn't get over it. But in order for me to get over it I just make sure I have something to do everyday so in my spare time I don't end up thinking about him. plus you shouldnt worry...if he seems like he doesn't wanna get back...dont waste your time hurting yourself. relationships are like glass..its left better broken then hurting yourself trying to put it back together. there are soooo many more guys out there:) don't worry you'll get over it soon enough.

    • Thnak you so much, I am actually more over it than I thought I was because I actually got back in contact with him, and I relaized I didn't want him as much as I thought I did, I think it was just the rejection aspect. and at least now I don't hold any grudges against him anymore, so I'm glad...

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