How could I stop overthinking for good and stop thinking about my abusive ex?

I came out of an abusive relationship 2 months ago. I used to be brought down, humiliated and called names, I did not ever leave because I was manipulated at the same time and for a really long time I thought that my partner did not mean to hurt me while saying all those horrible things. I only started realizing there must be something truly wrong when I started having panic attacks, and self harm thoughts and I used to be depressed almost all the time.
Anyways, now that I have woken up, I just can't stop thinking about the past and realising more and more what his real intentions were. I want to stop thinking about that because it is useless now.
I also don't talk to my ex anymore (I cut off all contact with him) and I wonder a lot how he feels about me even now... I don't know how to stop caring about what he thinks. My ego needs to be satisfied in some way I guess, but that only brings pain, I just want to let it go.
I try to keep myself busy but that is not really efficient.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Overcoming something like that in just 2 months is almost impossible. I would suggest therapy. People can take years to process and overcome this. It's not to be taken lightly. Also, don't think that jumping into another relationship will help you. That's not a cure. It could actually make things worse. Get professional help with this.

    • Thank you for your opinion.
      I have been thinking about therapy, but I don't feel comfortable talking to a stranger about private things.

    • Show All
    • Excellent! Good luck!

    • Thanks! Good luck!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Who cares wtf he feels? You need to worry more about yourself and your value. You took advantage of all of that! Now you are starting all over on rebuilding yourself because he was the one to drag you down. You need to work on yourself and go talk to someone. It will do wonders and get you in a much healthier much better place.

    • Thank you for your opinion.
      That is the thing, I know that I should not care what he thinks or feels, I know that he does not deserve my attention but I can't help it... I guess that it will only disappear from my mind with a lot of time. But you are right, I really must fix the damages it has caused to myself now.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Boy I know how that feels. I hope you're able to calm yourself. Whatever happened happened, and you have plenty of possibilities ahead. Don't let a jerk like that dictate how your future will be.

    • Thank you. I know it will take a lot of time for me to stop thinking of it.

  • This isn't about your ex, this is about you and the pain you felt. He re-triggered something and now you're not fighting his memory, you're fighting yourself. I'm sorry that you went through that. I work with suicidal teenagers with similar issues. What you need is a healthy relationship with someone who is really going to make you feel amazing. For the time being, try to be around really positive people or family members. Set some goals and work towards them. Your issues do not define you, and neither did your relationship with him. You define you. So keep reminding yourself that you are awesome and deserve someone amazing. And talk about this with people. I know you want closure, but in this situation, just blowing off steam to other people will go a long way. I'd say talk to a therapist, but honestly all you need is an ear and someone kind attached to it.

    • Thank you.
      I actually feel bad about myself for not leaving earlier, I feel anger towards myself.

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