The passion paradox?

I'm newly single after a long 2 year relationship with my first real girlfriend. I was the dumper. She was nice, funny, smart, and committed. Some of the problems were within me. I never found her very physically attractive, I could be harsh at times (that's just how I am, but she couldn't handle it), and I never loved her as much as she loved me. Her problems were that she was terrible with romance and basic relationship knowledge to the point where she went to the movies with a mutual guy friend and texted me afterwards saying that "he asked me out so we went to the movies" they only went as friends, and I know the guy likes one of her friends that was originally supposed to go with them, but canceled. This example shows that she was so clueless that she made a friendly movie night look like cheating, and she was even mad that I was upset about it. She was also very immature about serious matters within our relationship. Whenever I would bring up a touchy subject about us she would get upset and angry because "it's a bad topic". No matter how many times I told her, she failed to realize that you can't run away from your problems just because the are "bad" so her immaturity was our downfall. I recently came across something called the passion paradox theory which really was the backbone of our breakup. It is when one partner loves the other more which can cause an imbalance resulting in the other pulling away which causes the stronger lover to try hardy which leads to a never ending cycle of one person being more and more clingy as the other begins to become revolted by the relationship. This is exactly what happened in my situation. She was clingy to begin with, but it got worse as she saw that I was pulling away to the point that I was disgusted. obviously I still miss her sometimes though. So what do you think about the passion paradox?


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What Girls Said 1

  • The passion paradox seems like a realistic theory, however, it is scary that somebody could lose their lover because of how committed they are. I definitely think it's something that does happen within a lot of relationships though.

    • Yea I agree that it's scary. I wasn't even th one that fell into it, but I do feel bad for my ex. It must be the reason why clingy people are seen as unattractive or pathetic.

    • I feel bad for clingy people, I guess they just lack confidence and need constant reassurance, but it can be just as bad for the other person in the relationship who has to deal with it, sorry that you had to go through this, it must've been hard, especially losing someone you cared about due to their needy-ness

    • It's ok, I learned stuff about myself as well. I mainly feel bad because she will never understand why I broke up. She refuses to let me explain.

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