How do I lightly let down a girl who I led on?

There is this girl that I was hanging out with a lot, we got along great, and I found out she liked me. At the time I was kinda desperate so I liked her back because I was thrilled that a girl actually liked me for once, since normally women ignore me. So I started inviting her to hang out more sometimes just us, all our friends got involved and tried setting us up but the whole time for some reason I just didn't feel it with her. I kept trying to get myself to like her, because she liked me and all our friends wanted to see us together, but I just couldnt do it. I haven't hung out with her in 2 weeks and in that time it has just made me realize more that the feelings I had for her were more in the moment and that I dont really miss her, other women who I liked I would have texted about half a dozen times by now to hang out, but I just dont really have a desire to hang out with her. In the past I have liked girls a lot, and being away from them for 2 or more weeks made me really sad, but I am perfectly fine without seeing this girl which I think is a sign that I dont actually like her. Anyway she keeps texting me, and my friends keep wondering when I am going to ask her out, and I know she is really obsessed with me and I would hate to break her heart, but I just dont feel it. I would still like to remain good friends, mostly because we have a similar friend group and we have a couple classes together this fall, so I will be seeing her quite often, but I just dont think I want to date her. We have never really acknowledged the relationship either, I dont really know how to address it, and even though she thinks I like her and I know she likes me, we have never talked about that, and furthermore I have never dealt with anything like this in my life so I dont know how to address the situation, can someone please provide some input?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My friend and I were in the same situation as you. I didn't know if he like me or not, but I became good friends with him. He always try to help me out but I didn't know why. But at the end, I kind did like him but then I preferred to keep him as a friend. He might of knew that I like him but I doubt it. At the end, we told each other that we need to go our separated pathes and try to be friends over the phone, but it keep of work but now we talk less. And it kind of fine between us because he needed. Space.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's always difficult because we don't really control who we fall in love with. Your heart seems to just know. So when we finally get attention from someone, especially when it isn't normal, we gravitate to it, even if it isn't want we really want. That's perfectly natural. And I wouldn't even go as far as to say you lead her on. You tried, but it just didn't pan out. That's what dating is for, you spend time with someone and see if you want to keep spending time together. She isn't a bad person and neither are you, just not right for each other. Normally I would suggest you talk to her about it, sit her down and tell her, but if you want to do it lightly, you should give her some space and make her ask you if it's bothering her that much. Then you apologize and tell her the truth. I know you don't want to hurt her, but you can't control how someone else is going to react.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Please show her this text. Maybe just cut off the parts where you assume what she's feeling. She may be a bit broken hearted at first but she deserves to be told the truth and that closure will allow her to move on and eventually be friends in the future.

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  • You led her on, you didn't care about her. Don't start 'caring' now

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What Guys Said 3

  • honestly sit her down and talk to her about it, say sorry. explain you aren't used to this kind of thing and you did something you don't think you should have

    girls tend to appreciate honesty, if you dont know what to do, saying that often helps a lot

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  • Honestly I think your best option is to own up to what happened. You fucked up, made a bad decision which kind of chain reacted. Just say you aren't interested in her in that way, and that you fucked up

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  • Apologize for leading her on.

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