Parents are divorcing advice?

I am always put in the middle and am tired of it I am The younger and graduating soon…I know I want to by with my dad in the end and my mom known it too and she just throws it in my face... I'm just have a hard time and need some advice


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Look forward to any hot step brothers in the future you could bang

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Most Helpful Girl

  • My parents have never divorced, but on two occasions separated. From what I know about divorce when kids are involved it's that your relationship can fluctuate between one parent and the other. You have no idea at this point whether or not your mom will be in your life later on, so best not to snub her completely.

    There are a lot of things to consider in the future where both of your parents are going to be incredibly supportive for you such as when you get married and have kids, or if you need to resolve things in life such as taking care of affairs should one or both of them pass away. To decide now that that's it for your mom and completely side with your father may sting your mom for a bit, but you should still smooth the feathers and just tell her it's what you want right now until the dust settles.

    I don't know if you're making this choice because your mom did something stupid to your dad or if she truly is a terrible mom to you, but all I know is she's the only mom you'll ever have in your life and even if you are disagreeing and you are having a feud during this time, it would be unwise to completely cut the ties. You just never know one day when you may need to talk to her again, and when that time comes, you want to be accepted back with open arms.

    But hey, what do I know.. I don't know your situation, I just have a feeling that like some others there is a chance your allegiance to your dad could switch to your mom some day or you might find that you'll find a way to divide your allegiance so that you can have separate relationships with one parent each time rather than simply decide you're going with one and not the other. No need to split things. That's what you're parents are doing. As the child, you have every right to continue being a daughter to both.

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What Guys Said 20

  • The best advice is to saty out of it it really has nothing to do with you. when they drag you into it tell them you want no part of their ex dramma and to handle it like adults

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  • All I can say is that choose a wise partner in your life who cares and loves you
    So that this won't be happen in your life and your kids won't be affected 😶?

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  • Sadly, using the children as a weapon is all too common among divorced parents.

    It is also natural as you are older to want to interact more with and be more with Dad. Younger children will typically interact more with and want to be more with Mom--and that is in a healthy marriage with loving parents! That your mother can't understand that is sad indeed.

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  • Well what exactly is the problem (other then theobvous one of them divorcing)?

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  • They are both going to say some very mean and hurtful things to you. Things that make our childhood fantasies of strong, smart parents disappear. You'll see them weak and even pathetic at times. And they will hurt you, and be like people you never thought you'd compare them to, even in your childhood angst.

    ... but try hard to forgive them.

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  • just do you. their troubles are none of your concern i was in the same position however concerning yourself with their ambitions is useless.

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  • Honestly? fuck them both dude, parents are parents. Your life, your shit. I never see any of my family, and admittedly i miss them sometimes, but not having ANY stress from ANY of them? its worth it. Just do what you want to do and watch out for numero uno.

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    • Yeah I honestly wish I was 18 so I could leave

    • oh shit, i am really sorry. I presumed you where about 20ish. I wish gag had the age of anonymous people, its a pain; As your under 18 the best advice i can give you is focus on your study's and work, its the best and easiest and most productive way to ignore painful stuff, i wasted so much time at your age.. when you smash all your exams and your working your way up in whatever career path you want, none of this shit will matter to you. Good luck you lady.

  • Been there... go where u feel that u won't lose who u are and go where you won't lose ur pesonality. ... whomever u stay with never lose yourself! !!!

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  • If you're over 18 then it's not up to you at all.

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  • humans can't be trusted. All they do is hurt each other and never consider others around them. That's my advice.

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  • its better they are divorcing than fake it and cheat on each other. if u go along with your dad your mom can just throw it on your face.. doesn't go make you love her more for sure... so be strong and dont show u feel in trouble.

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  • You are old enough to make your own decisions pretty soon you will have to deal with your own life and your own problems not your parents problems. Just do whats best for you and your future.

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  • My parents are divorced that happend when i was 9 years old
    You are not staying with your parents in the future anyways you are graduating

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    • Yea it's really just ruining the time I have left...

  • Why are they divorcing? Reason? And who initiated the divorce? Do you really think it is justified?

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  • You need a therapist.. not gag. Seriously you need to talk out these feelings.

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  • sue them for being selfish

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  • I've been in a similar situation, and i can relate to 'not wanting to get between' and what not, but here'S what happend to me:
    when my parents were arguing a lot, my mom always asked me what i thought about it, and i always said 'i dont want to get between you 2'... later my mom killed herself!
    i dont think that was the only reason, but it was def a part of it! i guess she just wanted to talk to somebody she loves! so definitely try to say more then 'thats between you 2'

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    • I'm sorry for your loss and thank you for the tip

  • Coz of your so called free will, sex free society and hook up culture..

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  • It's not her desishions my parents split a couple of months back I didn't care at all it's like fuck them they messed me up enof already it just made it so my mom wasn't around to hit me or do shit for her that I hated my dad was cool she cheated on him he just nicely told her to go and live with him if that's what she wanted so she did I live with my dad and am happier, just don't listen to your mom maybe talk to your dad and tell him how u feel and how she is making u feel he will try his best to make u feel good again

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  • Tell your mom "throwing shit in my face is one of the reasons why I don't want to be with you. If you don't want me to completely cutoff contact with you, fucking grow up. It's bad enough you and dad are ruining the family without making me feel like shit on top of it."

    If that doesn't make her fucking jaw drop, I don't know what will.

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What Girls Said 14

  • First off, your parents should NOT be putting you in the middle. You are their child, even if you are older or are a teen. It's not right to put kids in the middle of these things. You should not have to pick sides. If you want to live with your dad, so be it. I think you are old enough to choose who you want to live with.

    I am so so sorry you are going through this :( I'm sure this must be terribly hard! I wish you the best. Try to lean on friends and try talking to your parents about how you feel you are being put in the middle. Maybe they don't realize they are doing this, but either way they should be aware and told it needs to stop. Speak to your sibling (s) too. Lean on them for support, maybe have a huge family talk because sometimes things need to be cleared up.

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  • My parents separated officially a couple of months ago. It's something i have known for quite sometime now and i prepared myself for that transition. I believe that your mum is stressed out from the divorce that she needs an outlet and unfortunately that outlet is you.

    If you rather stay with your father, make that a subject and discuss it with the lawyer that your mother and father are hiring. In the meantime, as your parents divorce is distracting and difficult, you need to put your first foot forward and concentrate on graduating. Good luck

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  • this happened to me when I was 9, I honestly have no tips to get through it and I was an only child too. They've been bitter and the two sides of my family have hated each other my whole life. At least you are older so you can leave or travel or get away somehow, you don't have to deal with their shit just take off if you want. I have waited nearly a decade to escape my parents and I'm so relieved. My childhood was shit because my parents were always fighting all I wanted to do was leave. Just move far away until they cool down it's their problem!

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  • You need to explain more of the situation for me to offer adequate advice. Are they no longer living together? Where are you living? Are they in the same area where you can see one or the other during the day/week? Are there any siblings too, or are you alone with them now?

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  • My parents divorced when I was four, I have been in the middle of them my whole life. It's miserable, I can sympathize with what you are going through. My best advice is focus on your own life and what makes you happy. They made their choices and they have no right to dump their shit on you.

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  • That's selfish of her to put that on you. But don't take it too personally. This isn't about you or your decisions. She's just hurting and taking it on the wrong person

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  • Maybe you should talk to your parents that you're bothered by the divorce and feeling like you're having a hard time. They're still your parents and they love you and so they'll listen. Get them to sit around the table (or if they don't live together anymore separately) and spit out your feelings. My dad is a divorce lawyer and I hear many of these kind of cases.

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    • I'm not bothered that they're getting divorced I'm actually glad I'm just sick of getting into the cross fire

    • Yes that's what I mean. Tell them what's bothering you.

  • Know that they might be mad at you for no reason, because the anger they have bottled up against your parents might outpour on anyone; it's not their fault, it's just human. They love u all the same. There is nothing to do but to stay out of it, and i would advice you to move out if it's possible

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  • they shouldn't be insulting you like that. at least you're graduating soon and so you can move out... why can't they at least live near each other to not disrupt your life too much?

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    • anyway, if they insult you please don't listen to them!!! you didn't do anything to those people.

  • omg just tell them to stop.. ffs divorce can ruin your life...

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  • Remind both your parents that you are part that came from both of them. And if one puts down the other they consequently put down you. If either parent alienates the other it will led to huge resentment of your part now and later in life.

    The marriage is their business and a child should never ever be put in the middle. Sorry you're going through this.

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  • Let them whateveh

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  • Just as you would not break up a dogfight over "sharing" a bone, you are not equipped to be any part of this childish behavior present nor their immature plans dashed on rocks of yesteryear. Say nothing, have no preferences all answers to them begin with I love you and hate this divorce idea, then go silent = no fuel to this stupid fire. Upon graduation, do not fully inform them of campus events, else begin a power struggle of attendance & monopoly of your time = I am the winner (they think). You go visit them separately and always repeat those words I gave you. They have to be trained to realize... this is a mistake, harms everyone and more likely to happen again with others if these bad roots aren't pulled/reformed.

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  • your mom is scared to be alone now she puts it all on you, make her do something that she would like and keep her busy without you, reassure her you are not going anywhere you will always be her daughter, or maybe she is still mad at your father and all that emotions she takes out on you, talk to her and find out what is going on

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    • I mean I don't know why she's mad when she's the one who wants a divorce...

    • a divorce is an ugly thing maybe she doesn't know how to handle it and puts it all on you

    • Divorce is a huge deal and even if your mom wants it in the first place it will still be emotional for her and like anonymous said she needs an outlet and your it which isn't fair but maybe go for lunch with your mom and let her know that living with your dad doesn't mean you favour him over her and that you love her two and that you will be just as much apart of her life as you will with your dad.

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