Do I just move on from this relationship or should I confront him?




Updates:
My boyfriend of almost 5 years and I were supposed to meet last weekend to talk about how to fix our relationship problems. I would like to be married and have children. He has been very hesitant and ambivalent, so I decided we need to figure out a plan if it's what we both want.
He shows up one hour late to the restaurant, drunk, cursed everyone out and left me in the place with the served food on the table.
A little over a week has gone by and he hasn't apologize. I don't know if I should
confront him or just let him go. It's not the first time this happens. I truly miss him and his family.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I understand that you miss him. It's hard to rewire our brain after such a long relationship. But I would recommend to let him go and move on. He does not seem mature enough, nor gives you the respect you deserve. Loser. Let him be someone else's problem.

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    • He's not a young guy. He's a frustrated 38 year old who still hasn't figure out what he wants to do with his life in terms of career/job. He's currently jobless and this is another ongoing problem. I was kind enough to sit down with him and figure out solutions. He ruined our planning date.

    • I can understand he is not going through an easy time in his life. But drinking and acting disrespectfully towards you is NOT a solution. He has to work his problems out, and he should be thankful to have someone by his side that can support him.

      I would talk to him and tell him that you understand the difficult times he is going through. I would tell him that he needs to sort his problems out first. And that drinking and treating you bad is NOT the way to go. I would not bring marriage and family up right away in the conversation. I feel his mixed feelings about the future with you (marriage and family) is simply a physiological way to avoid another source of stress. It's not easy to understand a depressed and anxious mind... but stress can change one's personality, and make one do things they later on regret (perhaps he is not talking to you yet because he feels ashamed for the way he treated you...). Give him space, but let him know that you are there to help him if he needs.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I would say to just confront him one final time. I say this because I get the feeling that if you don't confront him then you might end up regretting so sometime in the future. Better to eliminate all doubt now than to waste time thinking about the what if's.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I'd not approach him if I were you. It's his turn to approach you and apologise. If he doesn't do that (AND has a really good explanation for that behaviour), then good riddance to him.

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    • Just saw it isn't the first time he did something like that. Do you really want to spend your life with someone like that, raise children with someone like that? Bin him!

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    • He always drank but from time to time his drinking increases based on life circumstances. When this happens he can get aggressive, say mean things, try to start fights with strangers, falls and has injured himself on a few occasions. I've seen this behavior a handful number of times on an yearly basis, in the 5 years we've been together. He says he can fix it on his own and is not willing to get help for it. His father is an active alcoholic.

    • Well, if he can fix it on his own then why doesn't he? He obviously cannot and should get this sorted out before it gets even worse. Now it's "only" happening once in a while, but without help, the incidents will very likely increase. There's not much you can do about it since he has to be the one who recognises and then works on the problem. Apparently he isn't ready for that (yet). But you cannot sacrifice your happiness and life for something like this. I know that you love him, and I know that after a long time with someone you don't want to just end things and remember all the good times. But in the end, realistically, you're not going to find happiness with him. At least not for as long as he is willing to admit that he has a problem and work on it with a professional.

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