Where do I go from here? I cannot stay in such a stagnant state with my ex but do I have any other choice?

I hung out with my ex for the first time in 2 months. He broke it off because of fights. We were just suppose to get coffee but we ended up spending 5 hours together. He held me on my bed and kissed me on the cheek. We ended up talking about us. He knows I would like to try again something slow. He told me he still cares about me. He is scared to get back together because he can't fight like that again. He is beginning his doctorate (me my masters at the same school) and he cannot risk the stress. I told him that I've worked on my area of concern (which is true) but he is scared to chance it. He said right now all he can offer is 100% friendship. He wants us to be in each others lives and the only way he could consider getting back together is by being friends and making sure I have the self esteem I deserve but he can't promise anything. He said this is the first time we've seen each other in a while and can't base a decision on that. I agree. I feel over eager. I've never waited for anyone but then again I don't think I've ever fallen so deeply for someone before. I truly think the fact that after not seeing each other for a while... this is how it played out means something? My heart and mind are all over the place. I need patience. We need time but the more time passes the more impatient I become. I don't know what to do to ease his mind. To show him our old relationship is dead and we could start a new one. Could you help me out please?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Try your beat too be patient with him anything worth having is worth fighting for. So don't give up just give your all as if though you guys are in a relationship. If you really want to be with him then being patient wouldn't be a problem for you. You guys sound like you are trying he seems like he really wants it too work he just scared that if he moves to fast things might go bad again. Work with him be by his side through what ever I is you guys are going through. Don't tell him you are changing take this chance as his friend too show him you are changing. If it doesn't all fall into place after you have gave your all then at least you know you tried.

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What Girls Said 1

  • he's trying to let you go gently - meaning he's done with the relationship, but he wants to make sure you understand that step by step, because he obviously thinks (correction: he wants to make you think) that your self esteem is totally dependant on how he treats you. a tad patronizing, I'd say. which masks his own very low self confidence - pretty convenient then keeping you at arm's lenght, as a 'friend', to have plenty of time to find someone else in the meanwhile, without feeling too guilty about it (he's being a 'good boy' in his head after all) and w/o losing emotional bucket support (you). sorry to be so harsh, but I've been ALSO there, and i wish I had someone telling me blunt stuff. after all, he broke it off! look, just cut contact, stop seeing him or talking to him, and put yourself together for a while: show yourself that your 'self esteem' is -indeed- YOURS. be prepared to date a lot of other guys when you're ready ;) good luck!

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