My ex-boyfriend and I had been dating for 4 years, then he decided this month that we couldn't be together because he said we just couldn't get along anymore but I mean doesn't everybody fight? We were each others first true love, we also took each others virginity. We have broke up with each other for other people a couple times over these 4 years but we always come back to each other because we realize how much we miss each other. Now that we are broke up I find out that a couple days after we broke up he went back to his ex-girlfriend that he only dated for one month, when he was dating her last time I was dating someone as well but we broke off these relationships to come back to each other. I hadn't heard from in about 2 1/2 weeks so I texted him last night so he just decided to call me so we talked and that's when he told me we couldn't ever work things out because we couldn't get along. But apart of me wants to hold on because we always tell each other things like this but we always come back to each other. We are both seniors and we have always talked about how we were going to graduate together and plan out a future together which is why I don't understand why him and her are talking because she is just a junior which means he will be going off to college which means they couldn't ever last. Should I keep in touch with him or just leave him alone? I don't know what to do, its ripping me apart, I can't even eat or sleep because all I do is think of him. I have told him numerous times about how much I care for him so he knows that. My friend also told me that she heard him talking to his granny about me and him and he said that I never text him back and she said well you guys will just have work things out. his girlfriend was in the other room so she didn't hear him say that. Can anyone please give me some advice? :( I just want him back.
Most Helpful Guy
Consider why it is you broke up in the first place. Do you really want him back or do you just want him back just because you feel that you can't have him? Were one (or both) of you abusive, controlling, mean, or possessive? Did one (or both) cheat? If any of these things happened, you'll want to think long and hard about going back to that kind of relationship.
Be the person he fell in love with. He was attracted to you because he felt good with you, and you were fulfilling his emotional needs. How have you changed? Correct bad habits and mistakes, if any. Be positive around him. Laugh and smile.
Use the past to your advantage. If he's ever complimented your outfit, wear it again. Or, share a light-hearted memory with him.
Listen carefully to his choice of words. If he ever uses an unusual or uncommon word, casually slip it into the conversation again. This subconsciously tells him that he and you are similar due to exclusive and similar ways of talking.
Casually ask if he'd like to do something non-committal, like have a drink with friends, play miniature golf, play tennis, etc. Something friends and first dates alike can do. And whatever it is, keep it fun. Skip out on the serious talks for now. You'll have plenty of time to talk about that later. That's very threatening to a lot of guys. If he initiates it, follow his lead. But don't go heavy.
Let him know you were thinking about him. Remember that one time you two went to dinner at that great new restaurant and had a fabulous time? Leave him a short email telling him you ate there recently and thought of him. And, by the way, how is he doing? This is a non-threatening way to have a light conversation, and also, a small request for a reply back.
Invite him to talk to you. Express regret things weren't working out between you and ask if you can talk about it now that you have some perspective. Ask if what went wrong was related to what you've been working on. Your ex may have a different perspective!
Pay a little attention to your appearance if you have been neglecting yourself in that department.
If you just broke up(less than a couple weeks) completely ignore him. He will call you if he likes you. If he doesn't then nothing you say or wear will change that.
Best advice I can give you right now is to show him what he's missing and tell him that your feelings for him still exist. If he is still resistant to getting back together with you, move on. Being with someone who doesn't like you will hurt much worse and cause far more negative issues than breaking it off clean and finding someone who does.
- Harvey D
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