How can I quit suffering over a relationship that was over a year ago?

I still yearn for my ex. I miss him so much. When we broke up it was sudden and we went from living together for 2 years to zero communication within a day. He refused any contact. He wouldn't even communicate with me about getting his things from our house. I've never experienced such an abrupt loss that wasn't a death. It's been a year now and we still haven't had a conversation. He was able to move on quickly and found a serious girlfriend within two months which absolutely killed me. What's worse is that a mutual friend showed this to me and facebook and they just happened to be posting photos of their 9month anniversary. So they look very happy. I have been dating but am still in love with my ex. I've tried everything I can think of to stop hurting over this: Self-hypnosis, praying, talking about it with friends and family... and I don't feel like I've made much progress at all. Recently I saw him driving down the street with his new girlfriend and I pulled over and sobbed for a long time and had to call my mother like a 5 year old. I'm so tired of living like this. Tonight for the first time I've sat wondered how long this is going to last because it's comparable to hell. Why is this happening? What can I do? Why do I miss and wish for someone that does not do so for me and found happiness with someone else? Why won't it STOP hurting my feelings? I want to be free of this.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I know you probably don't want to hear this, but only time will heal the broken heart. Do you keep yourself closed off from others because of this? Are you sad because you really loved him or because you feel so betrayed?

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    • I haven't closed myself off at all. I'm very social. Your second is a good question. I really loved him. So what's hurting me the most is that I was utterly and completely replaceable. It's been pretty humiliating and leaves me wondering how I could be so disposable to anyone. I had NO idea that I was disposable, so it's a little bit frightening. THanks so much for your time

    • Lol thanks for asking and making me feel useful. It pisses me off whenever I hear stuff like this. I just don't get why some people are so shitty. What I would do if I felt like you do is go out and treat myself to ice cream or a small treat. If you really are desperate to get rid of these feelings you need to come up with reasons not to like him. So what I would suggest if you feel awful right now is that you get yourself some desert or something and go watch a happy movie or read a book. You should do stuff that takes your mind off of him. Reply or message me if you need anything else, I would be glad to help. 😊

Most Helpful Girl

  • I know this may sound like a stretch, but honestly, have you considered that maybe he's been seeing her all along? If you say you broke up a yr ago, and they've been together 9 mos.. That's barely a 2 month difference. It's hard for me to believe that he can comfortably find someone in such a short time. Plus, the cold way that he shut you out. It's so careless, almost as if he were seeing her and just wanted to cut things off with you so he can be with her. Like I said, it may be a stretch. I don't know why you broke up initially. But to be able to just shut someone out that you were supposed to love and have been with for years? There has to be a motive behind it, and I think that motive was her.
    On another note, I'm sure you want some type of closure or motivation to feel better. Know this: it's ok to grieve, to hurt, to cry, but just don't let it consume you so wholly. Of course allow yourself to feel it, that's part of healing. But another major part is accepting that he has moved on, and you should too. You deserve happiness, and someone who will be better than him. He isn't worthy of all of this pain, so try to pull yourself out of it a bit.

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What Guys Said 1

  • What you're doing is called Mental Masterbation. You're purposely fantasizing about things, like recalling how happy you once were, in order to FEEL something. In this case either you're trying to feel sad for yourself, or you're trying to relive past glories. Either way it's gross.

    I'm probably coming across as really HARSH right now, but that's because you're big girl now and it's time to put on your big girl panties. No more shitting your pants Sister!

    I can't tell you how to mourn the loss of that past relationship... that's something that's going to be unique to you. Basically how ever long it takes is how long it takes. You can't just "get over it" sorta speak... this type of hurt takes patience and love.

    FEELINGS aren't a choice. BUT what we THINK IS a choice.

    Anthony Robbins said, "The quality of our lives is directly linked to the quality of questions we ask ourselves."

    So start being MINDFUL. The word MINDFUL means: "conscious or aware of something."

    Right now you're not being mindful of your thoughts. Instead you're allowing yourself to mope around thinking about the ex, the drama he left you with, and the inner drama you continue to encourage.

    Your job is to start being mindful of what you THINK about in your day. Every 15 minutes you should be asking yourself... "What am I choosing to think about right now?"

    If it's that past relationship, then stop. Don't get mad at yourself, just giggle that you're doing it again, then stop. And choose something else to think about.

    Pick something else that you can always use to start a new line of thinking. Like a passion or a hobby or someone you love.

    I'm going through a divorce and I've found focusing on my passion for business has really helped focus my thoughts.

    That's your job now. Focusing your love and passion towards something that helps you instead of hurts you.

    Be mindful of your questions too. Stop asking questions that purposely bring you pain, and rephrase them to make you happy.

    Chance, "Why would he leave me?" to "How lucky is the next guy that I choose to be with? I'm awesome!"

    See how the answers to either of these questions change how you might FEEL?

    Choose better questions and you'll immediately feel better.

    Nobody is hurting your feelings. You're doing it to yourself, and you need to be more mindful of what you choose to think about.

    You deserve to think and feel better!

    ~ Robby

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    • I appreciate your willingness/attempt at being helpful and having taken the time. However, I don't think my undergarments (and what I do in them) or insults ( 'it's gross') have any relevancy here and have destroyed any chance of my considering you someone capable of adult/valuable advice. Sorry

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    • Whatever you think of my ego, no female deserves or appreciates sleazy remarks a random, middle aged, male divorcee.

    • Wait.. is this my ex? Are you seriously still upset that I left?

What Girls Said 1

  • Pain is inevitable... suffering is optional. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to it. Sometimes your memory can be your worst enemy, it's your own thoughts which cause you to suffer. So you need to change the quality of your own thoughts. You may not be able to control what happens , but you can control your own mind. Keep busy and your mind focussed on things other than him. Eventually when he does creep into your mind... the thought of him won't feel as painful for you.

    Don't lose yourself... by holding onto someone who doesn't care about losing you 💜xx

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