I don't understand? What is going on? Do you understand what is going on with my EX?

He broke up with me two months ago. It was a hard break up, both of us crying. He said it wasn't healthy to continuously get into meaningless fights. I agree. At the time I didn't see what I was doing and how much I was hurting him. I would always question his feelings for me. While apart I worked on the areas of concern and continue to do so.

After not talking for a month we began talking again. We decided to meet up for coffee which we ended up talking for 5 hours and he held me and kissed me on the cheek (that's all). He told me he cares about but not willing to chance what happen before to happen again, at all. He said it couldn't even be something that he'd consider until he knows I have the self-esteem I deserve and right now we can be friends, that's all he can offer right now. The next time I saw him he kissed me and held me.

We are both back at school. Me getting my masters, him his dotorate. He is very honest and would never dick me around... yet that's how I'm feeling. While we were dating he texted and called me all the time, we saw each other all the time. It's not like that at all. I'm initiating most of the texting and that's maybe once or twice a week and making plans. He said we can do something in the upcoming weeks because he doesn't know what his schedule will be like yet. I've missed him everyday. I miss how often he would contact me and how often we'd see each other. I understand we broke up but am having a really hard time not doing those things. If he still cares why wouldn't he want to contact me or see me more? It does hurt but I don't understand. If someone could break this down for me or understand his point of view let me know! Thank you!


Most Helpful Girl

  • he's not iving a crap because u allow him. the way he's treating u is the way a lady should be treating the ex. u need to show the ex that u have confidence, and it has to be genuine confidence. stop texting plz! no more contact/ initiating dates. thats def his job, not yours! apart of having higher self esteem is not giving a crap about who does/doesnt text u. when he is ready to text u, dont text right away. wait for some hours. be like "he whats up?" he'll be like "um im confused. let me get to the bottom of this" ... keep doing this and he'll make more time for u. u can be strong. ur a woman. its ur job =D

    • Thank you! This is great advice and exactly what I need to be doing! I've got to make myself strong enough to follow through with this.

    • most def! u will!

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  • Well 1) What do you mean by "meaningless fights"? Were they over small things? Every couple fights about stupid things. I mean my fiance wants to play a video game and I want to lay down with him and we end up arguing over that. We argue a lot over the stupidest tiniest things. But everyone does that. They say a couple who doesn't fight don't have a healthy relationship. Plus, if you really love each other, your love and all the good times you have together way out-way the bad things. Unless the guy is abusive, then you should get out of there. But if you're just having little arguments, that's normal.

    2) Obviously you are not over him yet and it seems that he isn't over you either. But you say you had or have self esteem issues? That's normal. Both my fiance and I have those issues. But we work perfectly. Anyway, some people prefer their significant other to be confident. I want my fiance to be confident in himself just because I wish he saw his real value. But you know what? I love him to death and leaving him over something so small would not be okay. That's a ridiculous reason to leave someone. At least in my opinion. But it seems like your ex wants you to be confident, and even though he may be going about it wrong, it seems that he means well by wanting you to be confident.

    3) With you both being in college, it could be difficult to maintain a relationship. But that's not to say it's impossible. My fiance and I were both in school at the same time. He in college, me in my senior year. (we are 5 years apart). Also, at the time he lived 14 hours (931 miles) away from me. And my parents intervened in our relationship a lot. So it was the hardest I think a relationship could ever be. But I love him and he loves me so we stuck together and got through it and now I live with him, we are having a baby, and getting married. So if you were to get into a relationship with your ex again while in school, just know it's going to require a lot of working together and it's not going to be easy. But if you guys can stick through that together, then you can stick through anything.

    4) as for the frequency of contact change, I believe it's because you both are in college and depending on how often he studies, how often he has classes, how often he has homework, and how often he works if he has a job, it can be incredibly difficult to keep in contact as often. Trust me I know it hurts BAD, in my last relationship the guy was in college and hardly ever texted me. So

    • I know how it feels. But it's probably just because he's so busy. The best thing you can do though is to talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel about everything going on. Open communication is key to any relationship whether that's friendship, a relationship with a relative, a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, or a marriage relationship. Just remember that.

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    • before looking through his phone or making assumptions. Just tell him what you're thinking about and talk to him about it. I know it's hard and often you don't know how to bring your concerns to him, but just try. Open communication on everything is pretty important in relationships, no matter what kind of relationship it is.

    • and if you get back with him and you ever feel uncomfortable with him talking to a certain girl, tell him that. You are allowed to ask him not to talk to that person anymore. And he should stop if he cares about you. I've cut off all ties with my exes or guys I used to have feelings for. My fiance never asked me too, but I did it by choice because I never want him to feel threatened or feel like I might still have feelings for anyone other than him. Nobody is worth compromising our relationship. So my point being, no matter who you date, if you really truly don't like someone they're talking to, don't be afraid to ask them to stop (unless it's family) and you do have every right to get mad if they don't.

  • Seriously just move on.


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