Do you find it as bullshit when someone who dumps you says it's hard for them?

I find this hard to belive. I was both the dumper and the dumpee couple of times and it was NEVER hard for me to dump. I remmeber, when I made my decision, I haven't felt that happy in a long time. Just the thought of being single and free again made me excited! That I don't have to fake or try anything, just be myself. And when I was dumping, I always gave the reasons no matter how harsh they maybe were, I was always honest. Sure I felt bad for them but that's as far as my emotions for breakup went. Then as soon as they go away I feel good and I never look back (I don't sell the crap about being friends and shit like that), if I wanted them as friends or knew I'm gonna miss them I wouldn't breakup in the first place. Basically, when I breakup that means I don't feel entertained by their presence anymore, no matter what kind of a fun activity we could do together. No matter for how long we've been together, I dumped a guy that I was with for 2 years and I only felt happiness doing it (he cheated on me). So when my most recent ex of 3 years dumped me and told me how hard it is for him, then telling me how he misses me and tries manipulating me into staying friends, I just can't help but laugh off and know that he is lying! Maybe it's just me, maybe people really do breakup over stupid things and then they wonder why they are missing the person... How about you?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am not a confrontational person and sometimes breakups become confrontational, so I dread doing the breaking up. . . but I think about it for a while before I make my decision and if it's the right thing to do, I'm doing it!

    What I think is bullshit is when a girl says, "One day, you're going to meet a girl who really deserves you and the two of you will be very happy together." Whenever a guy hears that, he wants to hit that bitch I the mouth! I'm not advocating violence but a girl is breaking up with me and trying to pretend that she's doing me a favor; that's bullshit.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think either positions are easy. Being dumped is obviously harsh. Nobody likes to be rejected by someone they care for.
    Whether you're dumping because of the wrong-doing of your s/o or if it's something from your own end, that's not easy either. Your boyfriend cheated on you? Sure, the break-up itself is a no-brainer. Dealing with how he could have been with you for however long while hiding this other girl. When you put all your trust into him and thought this was mutual only to have him completely blind-side you.. not so fun.
    Even if it's one of those cases where you just lose feelings for him, or say find someone better, I can't imagine it being easy to hurt and leave behind someone who you once shared something great with, and who was all about you.

    For me, it's rarely the break-up itself that hurts. More like the gradual downfall if the relationship was toxic, or the vicious cycle of thoughts that follow. Guilt for hurting someone, wondering what I was lacking that made me just not enough for him.

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    • Yeah there can be many reason but that's not the point. The point is that they made a decision which obviously makes them more happy then staying with you. I get feeling bad that you hurt someone or feeling weird not having that person again and getting use to single life again, but saying that THE DECISION you made was hard for you... I kind of don't buy that. You should be happy that you ended something that was making you miserable, right?

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    • Well it took me a year to really move on. The image of him pumping her up while sending me a text how he's at his buddy's playing xbox, was hunting me for ages. They weren't just having sex, I believe he had feelings for her as well, they were going to cinema and were hanging out as friends. I was deeply hating him for sooo long. Not only him, but all man! Took me forever to gain my self-esteem back and to start believing that not all man would do that. But it really did felt good kicking his ass. Then I met this guy (also now ex) who I thought was the one and who broke my fears. Then he broke my heart (I wouldn't be surprised if he also cheated) and now I'm back at low self-esteem and hating all man again. :D And he says how "hard it was for him" oh go fuck yourself!!!

    • lol agreed. Went similar for me. I was a shell of myself following the cheating ex, met a few guys who also turned out to be major asses. Then went without guys as a whole for over a year. Only when I met my current boyfriend did I realize how much better off I am without the asshole boyfriend, and sort of feel bad for his current girlfriend.
      It's their loss, they both fucked themselves over (literally :P )!

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What Guys Said 7

  • Maybe you're finding the wrong people, if you don't feel an emotional attachment, or you're getting bored of them, maybe you need someone different and new to really excite you, i'll admit, in the two relationships i've been in (both were when i was quite young) the first one lasted a year and a half, and she Broke it off (she'd cheated twice and felt extremely guilty, but couldn't muster the courage to tell me so she just let it fade when she moved back to Spain) and the other relationship was screwed over entirely by me, i didn't know much about relationships at the time, but i was at a hard life too, so it was a bad idea to ask this girl out, but she broke it off because i stopped being interested in anything (depression cycles, gotta love 'em). so i'll admit i have little or no experience in breaking it off with a girl, but i do know what it feels like to be dumped, and it isn't great, but i admire your methods so far too, because you really are searching for love, and i think you're entirely right to break up if you aren't happy, after all, it's all about happiness, and the want to be with someone

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  • Do u really believe in auch excuses? If u are, u are the dumb one ;P
    Hea found sumone new and better so he's leaving u for her. Plain and simple๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿผ

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    • Yeah exactly that's what I'm saying! I don't believe in that crap. :D But apparently a lot of people do... :/ I have to correct you though, "he found someone new who he THINKS is better"! :P

    • Lelelel right. Ma anon cutie surr knows waddup ๐Ÿ˜˜

  • I say yes it is, anyone with a soul would find delivering hurtful news to somebody they like/love, to be difficult.

    However, said person shouldn't stay with said person out of guilt.

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    • I didn't talking about feeling quilt about other person, I'm talking about that THE DECISION they made was hard to make.

    • The decision can he hard to make! Having to choose between two tasty entrees but only able to have one?

      It can be agonizing!

  • If u don't feel any guilt over leaving then u probably never allowed yourself 2 get attached. I understand if u leave someone its because u prepared yourself for life after them u feel u made a concise decision about moving on. But when u get left by someone have u thought what made them leave? 3 years is a long time and he more them likely loved u. Do even tho he left u made he does miss the good things about u and could b contemplating if it was the right decision. He probably misses the attachment of u. U laughing in his face is like telling him u don't give a shit about him. Try and actually have a legitimate conversation with him annoy what he thinks and see.

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    • I tried having a conversation he never gave me a real reason all he would say is "I don't know". So being dumped like that, without any closure or a real reason, of course I'm gonna doubt he ever really loved me. What makes people leave just like that? He simply got bored and that was it. It's simple - being with me is worst then being without me. So he made a decision that will make him feel better. So why having a hard time if you know it was the right thing for you? I get that he feels bad for hurting me, but if we put me out of the picture and just look at him, no reason to feel bad about doing the thing that is gonna make you happier, right?

    • He might think would b happier but maybe he might not b as happy as he thought. Maybe he thought the grass was greener on the other side but is starting 2 realize

  • Life is too short to be around someone you do not be around.

    Meaning, I have never found it hard

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  • No I don't find it as bullshit. I dumped my ex because I needed to be myself for a while and sort my life out. She had a genuine soft big open heart and was the kindest and most sweetest girl I had ever met. She was devastated when I broke up with her and in pieces. Breaking up with her hurt me too and it hurt even more because I was doing the dumping and I was the one who caused her broken heart.

    I guess it all depends on how you were treated by that person. I'd prefer to be the one who is dumped because at least then I wouldn't be the one doing the heart breaking.

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    • Well you said it yourself, it hurt because you hurt her. But it didn't really YOU to do that, because knowing that you're gonna be by yourself for a while is what you were excited about and the thought of it was making you happy, while the thought of staying with her wasn't making you happy. Can you honestly tell me that it would still "be hard" if she was happy about it?

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    • I needed to sort out my life but that became increasingly difficult the more clingy/needy she became. I didn't tell her in so many words. I just said I need to get my life together and sort myself out. Only problem is I don't ever think I'll ever find someone like her.

    • I think that was a mistake, you should've told her what's the problem, in details. Then in things don't change, then break up. Telling someone "it's me not you" is the worst thing someone can hear, you maybe want to hurt them less but in fact you are making it even worse. I seriously think you rushed into break up. You would be surprised how easily things can be fixed, if only you talked it through.

  • Depends on why you dump them. Ever dumped someone because your family pretty much threatened you to choose. I have. Ever breakup during a fight and have the other person take that sincerely and never come back (a friend of mine did this). Ever breakup because a future with that person sounded terrifying (my aunt did this after my uncle was paralyzed in a car accident they eventually got back together). Ever breakup with someone you love who cheated on you. You'd think that's an easy decision but it's not at all I know from experience. Not all break ups are simply I don't want you bye. Sometimes there's a lot of external factors that'll push you to leave someone you truthfully really liked.

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    • I dumped a guy who's family didn't liked me and threatened both of us with serious stuff. His parents were rich and they were paying for his uni and basically everything. They told him they gonna kick him if he continues being with me. But it's not like he didn't have any choice, his grandparents offered him to stay with them and he could've studied a bit harder so he would have good grades and free study (that's how it is in my country). He decided to stay with them and begged me to keep us hidden. I agreed but it was a torture! It just didn't feel right. And then I realized wtf am I doing and what I settling for? He was 28 back that, grown man! But I guess he was just a mama's boy, and realizing that was a turn off. I said that either we be normal couple or it's over, and he said he doesn't want to mess with his parents. So I dumped him. And it felt good. I really was in love with him but I loved me more. And yes, it was as simple as that, I don't want to be with a pussy, bye.

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    • Sorry but if you truly like the person you would want to stay. :) That's why I'm stating that is not that hard getting rid of something you don't really like.

    • I did want to stay. I made an honest mistake and left. Realized I was wrong and like you she believed I was lying. And that if I truly loved her I wouldn't have left. I was scared. I fucked up and did everything to make things right. I tried for 3 years to get her back but she spent the entire time trying to prove I wasn't playing her. It sucked. She treated me like shit to test how much I actually cared and then blamed me for not wanting to put up with the lies and game playing all because I fucked up and broke her heart. 3 years of trying. It wasn't the same relationship. I loved the girl I left the girl I came back to was manipulative insecure and a liar. But if I had never left she probably wouldn't have changed. So you can say all you want but I know what I fealt.

What Girls Said 3

  • I think honestly the reason people find it hard at times to dump someone is because they have to live with the idea that they are losing somebody who they once really loved. You lose that person you loved once even though the person you're dumping clearly isn't that person anymore. I think it applies to people who have been together for a long time and also aren't used to being alone, you get used to being with somebody for so long the idea of them no longer being there will be a scary and difficult thing.

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    • Why would they feel bad about losing someone they ONCE loved? They don't love them anymore, past is gone, so it shouldn't be that hard? And I didn't change at all, I am still the same person I was when he fell in love with me and was planing a future with me. So it's not me.

    • Because just because you aren't in love doesn't mean you don't care for that person. Some people are more empathetic.

  • Well dumping someone isn't fun... I think guys are especially afraid that girls will break down in tears

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  • I totally agree with you. it sounds rough, but I think he wants to stay friends because he knows you'll miss him and he'll try to fuck. if he was your boyfriend that long, he was thinking about breaking up for a long time.

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