My ex boyfriend who was also my friend did this?

so over the summer at college I met this boy. we saw each other everyday and always talked and were friends. we were good friends for 5ish months. Then he told me he liked me and it lasted a month but it was hard because of some stuff going on in his life/distance. He broke up with me about 2 months ago. He told me that there were many things going on in his life and that there were MANY reasons for the breakup one of the main ones being drugs (he had relapsed 1 weeks ago before breaking up) but I asked him if he wanted to remain friends and he hesitated for a moment but then agreed and said that it would suck to loose a good friend. A week ago, I messaged him telling him that I wanna see him this holiday and for him to let me know when he is free so we can chill (we talked prior to this and all was fine). Anyway, he responded by saying: I'm free the 22nd and 27th but on schedual seems pretty botched right now though. we'll stay in touch. I responded to his comment by saying: both days work for me! preferably the 22nd maybe? He never did respond to what I wrote to him and I know that he received this message. Also, the 22nd and the 27th have passed and NO questions for you guys:

1. would a guy give specific days he's free if he does not want to see me?

2. would he respond the way that he did if he does not want to see me? does he not wanna see me EVER again I'm so confused by all this?

3. what next steps do I take? do I CALL him or msg him or forget about it for now and just talk to him in the SUMMER or w/e

4. Do you guys think he did this cause he hates me or wants me to hate him?

**I'm just so confused about all of this. I REALLY care for this guy even as a friend and do not want to lose the friendship I had with him because he was a cool/interesting guy. I'm also concerned for him but I KNOW that it's not my job to be overly concerned...HELP and thanks for reading:)


Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. the whole message he sent you made it seem like it was a maybe to a probably not especially because he hesitated and than said yes to being friends..sounds like he just wanted to be nice

    2. that would be a way to not see you, say maybe than never follow up. my friends do that all the time so its expected when they say maybe. it depends, I'm sure he knows he will come in contact with you again but I'm sure he just didn't want to see you on those dates or over break.

    3. if you upset you should call him out on it. and leave him with an opportunity to say sorry but let him know that if he didn't want to be friends he could have just said so.

    4. if he hated you he would have told you straight out, I usually do. so I'm sure its not hate he's feeling

    he may have felt pressured into the friendship and really didn't want to stay in contact with you. a lot of times in relationships people don't feel the same way as the other person does and it hurts but you gotta face it head on, don't be afraid to message him or call him but don't act the worried girlfriend part, last thing he probably wants is someone acting like his mom

    • Well, I'm just so confused as to why he listed SPECIFIC days he was free...I mean, guys in the past have just said: oh sorry look, i;m so busy and it's nearly impossible but I shall let you know if I'm free--we;ll stay in touch...something like that usually just to be nice...:s and why wouldn't he wanna stay friends if we were good friends for a while before (he even asked if I wanted to be his friend after college ended--suggested we stay in touch). the breakup happened too soon that it wasent

    • Like you said he may have started doing drugs one can really say for sure why he told you specific days but I'm sure the only reason is because those were the days he wasn't with gotta talk to him and ask him that's the only way you will find out what's up

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What Guys Said 4

  • I am going to ask that you trust that I know what I am talking about because I have lived this situation, if he is using hard drugs (coke, meth, herion or anything like that) the best thing you can do for yourself is forget him. I tried to save an addict many years ago and ended up destroying my own life, it's a long story but it ruined my life.

  • 1.that doesn't matter he said MANY REASONS. this could be drugs, other women ,famiy issues ect. so sounds like he doesn't have time for you.

    3.let him come to you, you already did your part.

    4.maybe? could be a hint saying that he is not intrested.

  • 1. The "schedule seems pretty botched right now" leads me to believe those dates weren't firm. When he didn't respond to your message, that confirmed it. It was a rookie mistake for him to give dates when he didn't plan to show, but otherwise, his intentions seem clear.

    2. I don't know whether he'll want to see you in the future, but he's established that he does not want to see you now. Better if he would man up and say it, but the silence speaks for itself.

    3. What to do now? NOTHING. If he wants to contact you, he knows how, and will do so.

    4. If he hated you, the breakup would have been messier, and he wouldn't have suggested further contact. Maybe he's in a bad place, and doesn't feel he can be a responsible partner. Maybe he just needs a break. But he clearly wants some distance between you. Respect that.

  • I would say confront him and ask him what is going on, and whatever his decision is: Respect It


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