What do you think is going on with my ex? Is he using me, considering things, or something else?

He broke up with me 2 1/2 months ago due to meaningless fights. I would basically tell myself he didn't really care about me and eventually he had enough. Since then I've worked on the area of concern. We started talking again and first he tells me all he offer RIGHT NOW is friendship. Then we grabbed coffee where ended up with us hanging out for 5 hours. He told me he still cares about me but won't go through what happened again. He needs to make sure I have the self-esteem I deserve before considering anything. On Thursday he invited me over and he kissed me and held me like he use to. He said he can't make a descision after only seeing each other a few times. I get it. We started back at school Monday, me my graduate, him his doctorate at the same school. I haven't heard from him since. I'm always having to initiate contact so I stopped. On Thursday he said we can do something Saturday MORNING because he has a friends birthday to go to afterwards. He has time to check his "online dating" profile but isn't able to contact me? Is he still that hurt and apprehensive about our relationship? He's always been very honest and upfront with me but this is just plain confusing. Part of me feels like it's cruel. He acts as if we are back together when we spend time together but when we are apart it's as if I don't exhist. When we were in a relationship he wanted to see me all the time, was in contact with me all the time so I'm very very confused and miss all of that. He knows where I stand I'm just not sure where he's at anymore.

Please don't respond if you are going to say "move on". I need helpful advice and some insight. Thank you for helping me!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Its a start. I can understand where you and he is coming from. You're working on yourself which is very important right now and you've got to continually do so. Only in time will you be able to be comfortable with yourself and he is willing to wait with you to see that. Your thoughts right now is 'I've got to get it like it was before' which is a sprial down to you feeling bad about yourself. Stop over thinking it and relax and enjoy what you have right now.

    Of course he is still hurt about it. It was also his relationship as well. But he is willing to see where it goes. That in itself says a lot about how he feels about you. Try and put yourself in his position. How would you feel if your partner said to you that you didn't care about him or you didn't love him.

    You're doing a great job working on yourself. Keep doing just that. Relax and enjoy what you have. Hope you well.

    • Thank you for responding. I really appreciate it. I feel like he gave up on me because instead of being there for me during this he bailed. I feel like just some other girl to him and it kills me everyday I don't hear from him. Why would he want to see me and kiss me if he wasn't going to talk to me? I'm just so confused and want to stop crying everyday. I don't think I've hurt like this before so I really don't know what to do. I know it's all I think of and my heart breaks.

    • Show All
    • I would never think it was his job which is why I've been working on myself or myself. I don't know how to show him positive changes or what it is he even needs to see in order to feel comfortable enough to reconcile the relationship. If there is something I could say or something I could do...

    • He will see the changes himself over time. Just keep doing what you are doing with yourself. It'll just take time, that is what is on your side and that is all you've got. Just step back and take a deep breath and relax. Stop driving yourself crazy trying to act to get everything back as it was. Inaction itself can be helpful.
      Do the camera diary. Try it for at least a week.

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What Girls Said 1

  • he's just using you girl!


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