Am I on a good road to getting over my ex?

He dumped me 6 months ago, we were together for 3 years. It was a sudden break up, a shock, just when I thought that this can't be any better. I don't want to go into details, but when we broke up I spent a lot of time thinking and analyzing what the hell happened. And he never gave me a reason. So I kind of became a CIA agent, going back and forth, reading all those red flags I maybe ignored, and I also sneaked into his accounts and private stuff (which I know is bad but I needed answers!). I found out that he is a pathological liar and that he used me and played me so good! It was all just a game to him that he eventually got bored of. He cheated on me, disrespected me, took me for granted, and all the horrible other things that I wasn't aware of. He fooled me and everyone else. I can safely say that I don't love him anymore and that I don't miss him. I only miss what I thought he was. But even after 6 months I still think about him. And those are not good thoughts. Sometimes I want to bow and clap to him for how good a show he performed. Actually I don't know if I feel like he wasn't that good that I was just stupid, or that he really was that good. I still resent myself a little bit, for not noticing the signs. But yeah, he is still in my head. I don't even mind that I think about him, it makes me feel good in a weird way. I keep thinking "Imagine if I married him and had kids? I dodged the bullet!". But it's like for example when you see something schoking on the news and you can't get it out of your head. It's somewhat of a same feeling. I won't lie that my self-esteem isn't shaken up and that I am not questioning my choices and taste in men, though. I think I still have a way to go to figure out my own flaws and mistakes. First of I want to learn how to spot a guys like him so I never get played again. And while figuring it out, I can't avoid thinking about him.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow. I could have written this myself... it's exactly what I went through 10 months ago. My ex dumped me after 3 years together, all of a sudden, for apparently no reason. I was so shocked, I did not see it coming. I thought things were ok between us: we lived together, we had plans to get married and have a family... all gone. I also became a CIA agent because I needed answers. And it was such a painful experience to put all the pieces of the puzzle slowly together, a torture I would not wish anyone else. I discovered that there was someone else in the picture. I genuinely loved him. I trusted him. And all I was left with was a broken heart and an awful feeling of inadequacy. How could I not notice all the red flags (because I know now, there were!). He apparently was not happy since day one (!!!). Yet, he lied and manipulated me into thinking that everything was fine to take advantage of me until it was convenient for him. And I bought it! When he found someone better, he left without looking back. My self esteem went down below... It took me months to start to smile again. And I still think of him, despite I refused to talk to him since then (and still going). But not because I hope to get back together. My love was for the guy I thought he was, not for the one he proved to be. I think of him because I need to understand and learn from experience to avoid guys like him in the future. Yeah, we dodged the bullet.

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  • You are lucky = no kids, unlike me - so my memories are much more debilitating

    You bury & release all these scars, even forgive, else he traps you and holds you until the devil makes things ever worse for you. Replace him (like a puppy) with someone better, never whip him for the ex's faults, build new memories of real love that bury the others. Trust in God that He has a plan for all those that stray and never have YOUR fingerprints on anything bad that befalls the ex. God delivers fire & brimstones you'll never match but this will happen according to His calendar, not yours, so grin & bear it if you see him prosperous ahile.

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  • I think you need to get a hobby or volunteer or something. Keep yourself so busy that you won't have time to dwell on this. And also by doing new scrivities, you might meet someone else!

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